The Pay It Forward
by Cilla1970
Summary: Set after Season 4 What happened to them after? Did Marissa really die? COMPLETE. I've wanted to fix it up a bit for a long time, so that's what I'm doing now. Also changed to M because of a couple of chapters later on.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Ryan Atwood stepped out of his latest project and dialed the number for ATCO Architects and Interior Design.

"Good afternoon, ATCO, Kim speaking, how may I direct your call?" Ryan smiled. He loved hearing the phone answered like that. "ATCO, Atwood-Cohen(or Cooper)" His own company, just started.

"Hey Kim, it's Ryan, I need Julie please."

"Hey Ryan, just a sec, I'll page her for you" Kim replied placing Ryan on hold and pushing the series of buttons to page the Vice-President and principal Interior Designer, Julie Cooper.

"Julie, Ryan on 101" came Kim's voice over the office intercom.

Julie reached for the phone and dialed 101. "Ryan, how are things down there? Are you finished checking it over?"

"Yeah, I'm just leaving the project now." Ryan replied quickly

"Excellent! So I can get my designers in there soon?" Julie was excited for her first real project.

"Everything's on schedule for the target date." Ryan said, ever the man of few words, and hung up.

Ryan and Julie had both completed four year degrees for there Bachelor of Design. Ryan in Architecture, and Julie in Interior Design. Ryan had also done his Bachelor of Science in Structural Engineering at the same time and gone on to get his Structural Engineer designation. It had been a grueling six years of school for him, but he had worked hard, apprenticed with a top engineering firm in San Francisco and was now beginning to live his dream.

Kirsten and Sandy Cohen, his adoptive parents, had invested in his idea for a company that would encompass all the needs of a clientele looking for a one-stop shop to design, build, and decorate their business and residential needs. Julie had been the logical choice to head the Interior Design division, while he headed the architectural design and acted as supervising engineer on the projects. They had their first two projects on the go now. This office building in a lower income neighborhood in San Francisco was the one that was moving the quickest and he wanted everything to be perfect. His company, his livelihood, and those of his step-mother and half-brother were on the line.

Ryan walked down the steps of the building he had just been inspecting and headed for his car as he put his phone away. He looked across the street and saw a young teenage boy sitting on a concrete wall. He looked so sad, and immediately brought to mind that day more than ten years ago now when Sandy Cohen had taken Ryan home with him after his mother abandoned him in Chino.

"Hey kid! Need any help?" Ryan called to the teen sitting across the street. He had always believed that one day, he would have the chance to pay forward the opportunity that had been given to him. The young boy looked up at Ryan, then looked down again hanging his head in total despair.

Ryan walked toward the boy and sat down on the wall next to him.

"Hey, I'm Ryan. You look like you could use a friend." He said quietly. "And you are?"

"What's it to you?" snapped the boy.

"Hey man, I'm just trying to help." Ryan replied. "I just thought maybe there's

somewhere I can take you, or someone I can call?"

"Nah, I'm cool. I'll figure it out" said the boy dejectedly, " I always do."

Ryan nodded and reached for his wallet. "All right, tell you what. Here's ten bucks so you can go get a burger or something, and here's my card with my cell number. If you need anything, you call me." He handed the kid a ten dollar bill and his business card that he had quickly scribbled his cell phone number on.

The boy took the money and the card and Ryan started to walk back to his car.

"My name's Nathaniel, but everyone calls me Nate." The teen called after Ryan. "Can I just ask…why?"

Ryan smiled. "Let's just say, it's my turn to pay it forward. Call me. I mean it."

"Thanks" said Nate and got on his bike to go spend the ten bucks.

Ryan got in his car and watched as Nate peddled away down the street. He smiled to himself and wondered if he would ever see or hear from Nate again. Maybe he was ok, and he'd just given ten bucks to a kid who was going to spend it on baseball cards. Somehow Ryan knew that wasn't the case. He knew that look that Nate had, and he knew that life, no matter how far removed from it he was now.

Nate disappeared out of sight and Ryan started the car. He was just about to pull away when his cell phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and smiled.

"Hey babe!" he said cheerily. "I'm just leaving the project now. I'll be home in about 20 minutes. What's for dinner?"

"Hey sweetie, er coq au vin" came the reply from the soft voice that he loved to hear.

Ryan chuckled. "You haven't made that for me in years! You know there's no need for the "vin" anymore" he teased. "I love you, Taylor Townsend. I'll see you soon."

Taylor melted every time he said it. "I love you too, Ryan."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Ryan placed his phone in the hands-free cradle of his SUV and headed towards Harrison Street to pick up I-80 that would take him across the Bay Bridge and into Berkeley. He looked at the digital clock display. 5:15. Maybe 20 minutes was a little optimistic, he thought as he merged onto the freeway and came to a complete stop in the jam that happened everyday as the commuters left the city for the more suburban pastures of Berkeley and Richmond.

By the time he pulled up to the house it was 6:05. As he got out of the car, the front door opened and there she was. The light in his life, the woman he was marrying in six short weeks. He waved as he closed the car door and bounded up the steps to the front door. As he stepped in the door, Taylor through her arms around his neck and gave him a passionate, lingering kiss on the mouth. Ryan dropped his briefcase and wrapped both arms around her waist and pulled her in close, slipping his tongue into her mouth. "I love you, Taylor Townsend, I love you, Taylor Townsend, I love you Taylor Townsend" he gasped between kisses.

"I love you too!!!" Taylor chuckled as she pulled away and walked back to the kitchen.

_Ryan Atwood and Taylor Townsend. If someone had suggested that, the first time she tried to take the social chair from Marissa Cooper at Harbor, they would have laughed out loud and said that Ryan and Marissa were the couple most likely to…fill in any blank you like because they were destined to be together._

_Ryan was deeply in love with Marissa, but could never express his feelings enough to hold onto her. Taylor was a needy, slightly neurotic/psychotic over-achiever who slowly endeared herself to Ryan's best friend and adoptive brother, Seth first. Then she worked her magic on Summer Roberts, Seth's girlfriend, and finally Marissa just kind of accepted her._

_Then came that fateful night. Ryan, Marissa, Seth and Summer had spent a great afternoon together at the model home after graduation. They had made it their own personal going away party for Marissa who was leaving to join her father on his boat. Ryan and Marissa had come to terms (almost) with not being together, and Ryan had insisted on driving Marissa to the airport that night. They couldn't possibly have known that would be the last time anyone would see Marissa alive again._

_It all happened so fast. Marissa's crazed ex-boyfriend, Kevin Volchok, still obsessed with her had run Ryan's Toyota off the road. Ryan escaped unharmed, but Marissa died in his arms, and for six months after that, he was lost. Through a touching family intervention, he was coaxed back into the Cohen fold. But one person truly cared about him and literally saved him. Taylor Townsend._

_They had a rocky beginning due to Taylor's emotional issues and Ryan's communication issues, but by the time Ryan was heading off to Berkeley and Taylor to France, they had reached a good place in their relationship. They kept in touch throughout college and saw each other during holidays. No commitments, no promises, just two people enjoying each other whenever they were together with all the fringe benefits that came with it. Neither had even considered dating anyone else during those five years that they were apart, but neither had one pressured the other into any kind of commitment. Those three little words had also remained unsaid._

_Then came Seth and Summer's wedding last spring. Taylor had emailed Summer to say she would definitely be back from France to be her Maid of Honor and that she would not be going back to France after the wedding. She had asked Summer not to mention that part to Ryan as she knew the time was coming for her and Ryan to finally define their relationship._

_Ryan stood next to Seth and watched as Summer walked down the aisle. She was truly a beautiful bride, but in his eyes, not as beautiful as the girl on the other side of the rabbi. All through the ceremony he stole glances at Taylor and reminded himself that Seth's ring for Summer was in his right pocket and his ring for Taylor was in his left. It all went off without a hitch. Summer got the right ring and everyone had a terrific time at the reception. As best man and maid-of honor, Taylor and Ryan were the last to leave. They had been so busy with their wedding duties they had hardly had a chance to talk all night._

_As the last guests left and Seth and Summer were off in a limousine to their honeymoon suite, Ryan took Taylor by the hand and led her to the backyard of the Cohen's house where the ceremony had taken place. They sat in the front row and faced each other._

"_We need to talk" they said in unison and laughed_

"_You first" said Ryan_

"_Really?" squealed Taylor "Because if you know what it is you want to say and don't want to wait, I can." She babbled._

"_Taylor, it's fine." Ryan soothed. "What is it you want to tell me?"_

_Taylor took a deep breath. "Well, I've known for a while, but wasn't sure if I should tell you, but then I thought, why not? I mean it's not like we're 'official' or anything, and we don't say 'I love you', but I didn't want to freak you out and I just thought you should know so we can decide…" She stopped, realizing she'd rambled forever and said absolutely nothing. She looked to the ground and then into Ryan's deep blue eyes and felt a calm come over her. "I'm back from France for good" she continued calmly. "I'm now a UN certified translator and I've been offered a position with the United Nations Association of San Francisco. My life is coming together and I need to know where we stand so I can move forward." She breathed deeply and waited for Ryan's reaction fully expecting him to end it right there rather than face any kind of commitment._

_Ryan sat speechless for a moment, more to tease Taylor and play the 'uncommunicative, unexpressive' Ryan than from any shock or fear on his part. He was relieved she was coming back to the States and even better that she'd be coming to the Bay area. It made what he had to say so much easier._

_He took Taylor's hands in his and looked deep into her eyes. He watched them dart back and forth across his face trying to read what he was going to say._

"_Taylor" he began, "you are an incredible woman, and I've tried over the past 5 years to convince myself that you were the one who got me over Marissa and all that happened" Taylor's stomach flipped. She sensed the 'but' coming. "But" Ryan continued " you weren't 'THE ONE'." Her heart sank. There it was._

"_Ryan…" she interrupted. She was going to convince him he was wrong._

_Ryan let go of her hand and placed a finger to her lips to silence her. He struggled enough to convey his feelings and interruptions would only make it worse._

"_Taylor, I have tried to imagine my life after you with 'THE ONE', and no matter what, I always pictured myself with you. There was no one after you." Taylor felt a lump forming in her throat. Ryan stood up and reached his hand into his left pocket. He pulled Taylor up to stand and then bent down on one knee. Taylor could feel the tears coming, but she smiled down at Ryan and giggled._

"_I love you, Taylor Townsend. Will you marry me?" Ryan opened the small velvet box he had been holding in his hand to reveal a beautiful 2 carat emerald cut diamond in platinum setting. He took it out and slid it on Taylor's finger._

"_Um, aren't you a little premature with putting that on my finger? I haven't said 'yes' yet." She teased. She pulled Ryan up to stand again and kissed his lips gently. "I love you, Ryan Atwood, of course I'll marry you!"_

_They had spent every day together since. Taylor had moved into Ryan's house almost immediately after that night and Ryan had said ' I love you, Taylor Townsend' at least three times a day since then. He knew how he felt and he told her... frequently._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Ryan followed Taylor into the kitchen as she walked to the stove. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and began kissing her neck.

"Ryan, I'm cooking, this chicken is almost ready." Taylor pleaded. "Aren't you hungry?"

"Oh, I'm hungry all right," he said slyly biting her neck. "But I can wait for the food."

Taylor blushed. "Why, Mr. Atwood, what's put you in such a frisky mood?" She turned around to kiss him, but before she could, Ryan's cell phone rang.

Ryan kissed her forehead and said. "I'm sorry, I have to get that." Taylor hung her head disappointed and turned around to check on the chicken again. It seemed to be a common occurrence lately, either Ryan was too tired or some emergency or other was interrupting their 'alone' time. It almost felt like they were in a marriage rut instead of in a lead up to their wedding.

Ryan walked out of the kitchen and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Unknown caller. He hated those, but he answered anyway. "Ryan Atwood"

"Hey, um, Mr. Atwood?" Ryan recognized the voice immediately.

"Nate, you decided to call. Are you ok?" Ryan could tell by the sound of Nate's voice that something was very wrong.

"Um, no, I'm not, I didn't know what to do this time. I can't get a hold of Ms. Hooper, and I can't get in, and she really scared me this time." Nate sounded desperate.

"Whoa, whoa, slow down buddy. Where are you?" Nate told Ryan he was on the wall where they had met earlier.

"I'm on my way out the door. Don't move. I'm going to hang up now, but call me back in about fifteen minutes, OK?" Nate agreed, and Ryan hung up. He walked back into the kitchen where Taylor was just serving the coq au vin.

"Who was that?" she asked as he walked up to her.

"I'll explain later, but I've gotta go back into the city. I shouldn't be more than an hour or so" he said vaguely. "I'm sorry about dinner, babe" He kissed her quickly on the cheek and was gone.

"It's ….fine, but when…." she got out before the front door closed.

Ryan got in the car and barely had the door closed before he had the engine started and was moving in reverse. He put his phone in the hands-free cradle again. There was another call he wanted to make quickly before Nate called him back.

"Hey Ryan! How are you?" said the voice on the other end. "Seth and Summer are here and we were just talking about your wedding." Call display left nothing to the imagination any more.

"I'm great Sandy, thanks. The wedding, ah, cool, coming up soon, yep. Is Summer looking after my future niece or nephew?" Sandy looked at the 6 months pregnant Summer gently stroking her belly as she talked to Kirsten.

"She sure is." Sandy smiled "So what's up?"

"I may need your help" Ryan started

"Is everything ok?" asked Sandy. "Anything for you, you know that"

Ryan explained to Sandy quickly what he knew about Nate, which was not much. He asked Sandy if he could be available to help if it was a legal problem and Sandy agreed quickly.

"Ryan, be careful. Not all teenage boys in bad situations are like you. Find out what you're getting into before you commit to anything. Call me if you need me."

"Thanks Sandy, I will"

No sooner had he hung up from Sandy than Ryan's phone rang again.

"Ryan Atwood"

"Mr. Atwood?" There was that scared voice again.

"Call me Ryan, Nate"

"Ok, are you almost here?" Nate sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

"I'm just coming off the freeway, I'll be there in five, but I'm gonna stay on the line and talk to you 'til I get there" Ryan wanted to make Nate feel safe until he got there. "Why don't you tell me what made you call me."

Nate began a lengthy explanation of his family situation which lasted until Ryan pulled up beside the payphone Nate was standing at the payphone near the wall they had sat on earlier.

Nathaniel Davies, it turned out, was a 14 year old boy who lived with his mother when she let him in the apartment. His father was unknown and had never been in the picture. All that was in the picture were an endless stream of men that Nate knew paid his mother to sleep with them. She locked him out of the apartment whenever she had a john in there. He spent many nights sat outside the apartment door or at a friend's house waiting to be let back in.

He'd been under the watchful eye of a social worker from Child Services for the past three years, but they had never found the hard proof to have him put into care. Nate didn't want to get his mom in trouble, so he lied about how often he was locked out and his bruises were always attributed to a bike or skateboard accident of some sort.

Ryan had listened to this story through the last part of his journey to Nate on the phone and now they were sitting on the wall together again.

"So what was it this time that made you call _me_?" Ryan asked.

"Well," Nate stumbled. "I went home after I spent the ten bucks you gave me and the door was unlocked so I walked in. Only I guess the door shouldn't have been unlocked 'cos there was some guy coming out of my mom's bedroom and she followed him out. She saw me and flipped out. She screamed about how she couldn't keep worrying about whether or not I was gonna be there, and couldn't afford to keep me anyway and started pushing me out the door. I begged her to let me get some stuff, but she kept shoving until I was back out in the hall and she locked the door. I banged a few times, but she wouldn't open up." Nate was shaking and trying hard to hold back the tears as he finished explaining to Ryan.

"I went to the payphone to call my social worker, Ms. Hooper, 'cos she said I could if things got really bad, but I couldn't get hold of her and I was scared. Mom's different this time. I don't wanna go back and I didn't know what else to do."

"You did the right thing, Nate. I'm going to take you to the apartment so you can pick up some things. I'll come in with you, don't worry."

"Thanks Mr….um Ryan, but it's not a place you really wanna go with your nice clothes and fancy car."

Ryan smiled and went to back of his SUV. He pulled out a gym bag and removed some items. One pair of well worn Doc Martin boots, one grey hoodie, and a faded pair of jeans.

"You can take the kid out of Chino, but you can't take Chino out of the kid" Ryan chuckled as he changed at the back of his car. Nate looked puzzled.

"Let's go get your stuff" said Ryan as he got in the driver's seat. Nate got in the passenger side and stared at Ryan.

"I still don't get it" he said "Why me?" as they drove to Nate's apartment complex.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Don't you agree, Sandy?" his wife said, smiling at him.

"Huh? Um, yeah sure, honey" he replied, obviously not having heard what Kirsten said.

Kirsten repeated knowing that her husband hadn't been paying attention. "Seth and Summer have already decided that their baby is going to go through the public school system here in Berkeley, and I said I thought that was a good move since we had already enrolled Sophie in the public school around the corner."

"Absolutely" enthused Sandy. "I'm a result of the public school system and so was Ryan until he came to us and went to Harbor and we both turned out ok."

"Ok, well, on that triumphant exclamation, I think we'll be off" Seth always sounded sarcastic even if he wasn't trying to be. "Junior is our new alarm clock. 5 a.m. every morning he starts punching Summer's stomach like he's an Atwood trying to get out of a jam. We need our beauty sleep."

Summer smiled and stroked her stomach. "It could be a girl, Cohen. In which case, she's got my genes for sure." She punched Seth in the arm playfully to remind him, she had been known to inflict pain in the past.

They each kissed Sandy and Kirsten goodbye and moved toward the door.

Seth turned back toward Sandy as he was about to leave. "Hey, Dad. If you talk to Ryan at all, tell him to call me. He's so busy with ATCO, I've hardly spoken to him in the last couple of weeks, and we've got a bachelor party to plan!"

"I will" said Sandy and closed the door.

"Ok" said Kirsten eyeing her husband after Seth and Summer left. She'd seen that look too many times in their more than twenty five years together. "What was that phone call all about, and is Ryan ok?"

"How do you do that?" Sandy smiled.

Kirsten smirked at Sandy. "Oh, let's see, I hear the 'Hey Ryan' and then nothing until 'anything for you'. A+BC. Easy. So what is it?"

"Well," Sandy paused for a moment. "It seems Ryan is really going to put his 'Pay it Forward' theory into action."

Kirsten looked puzzled. "You mean, he's picking up his lost waif and saving them from a life of poverty and violence?" Her tone was meant to tease Sandy which she still did for the way Ryan came into their lives. She loved him like her own son, and was thankful every day that Sandy had been right about him.

"Actually, yeah, that's exactly what he's doing." Sandy replied seriously, not catching the playfulness in Kirsten's tone. "I don't have many details, and neither did he at the time, but he was going to call me if he needed anything, legal or otherwise."

"Oh my god, I hope he's careful, Sandy" she responded with concern.

Kirsten had enjoyed the last seven years as much if not more than their first two at Berkeley. The earthquake that had destroyed their Newport home had been a blessing in disguise. It forced them to make a move and she was so grateful to her boys for thinking of their old home in Berkeley. Sandy had never wanted to leave in the first place all those years ago and was thriving now they were back again.

He loved teaching law at Berkeley and was so grateful that he had been around for so much of their daughter Sophie's first years. It was a luxury he did not have when Seth was young and he worked long hours in the Newport Public Defenders office. Sandy and Kirsten were closer than ever and knew exactly what the other was thinking and feeling. Kirsten had not seen Sandy concerned like this since Ryan was cage fighting after Marissa's death.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Ryan pulled up outside Nate's apartment building. He had managed to avoid answering Nate as to why until now.

"You don't have to do this" said Nate as they pulled up.

"Yeah, I do" Ryan replied.

"You gonna tell me why?" questioned Nate "You keep dodging the question."

Ryan paused for a moment and turned to Nate. "Because I _was _you. Because I lived _this _life. Because I need to do the same for somebody else that was done for me" he said passionately.

Nate scoffed. "So I'm your feel-good charity case. Well, screw you! I can do fine without you."

"Hey, you called me remember?" Ryan reminded him. "Now let's just go get your stuff and I'll help you get in touch with Ms. Hooper tomorrow. You can stay with me tonight."

Nate knew he had no choice. "Fine. Let's get it over with."

The elevator smelled like urine, the hallway smelled like every food from around the world had been cooked, eaten and then vomited up. Even in Chino, Ryan had never experienced a place like this. They got to Nate's apartment and Ryan banged on the door.

"Ms. Davies, open up. My name is Ryan Atwood and I have Nate with me." He said loudly.

"You the cops?" the voice behind the door said.

"No, I'm not the cops. I'm a friend of Nate's. Now open this door, or I'll break the damn thing down." Ryan's tone was calm but forceful.

They heard the deadbolts being unlocked and the door slowly opened to reveal a slightly built woman with dirty blonde hair, more dirty than blonde. Her hair was long and stringy with about an inch and a half of dark roots showing. Her face showed signs of a hard life of alcohol and drugs and she looked much older than her 28 years.

"What the hell do you want?" she said in a husky two-packs-a-day voice. She looked at Nate and scoffed. "I thought I told you to get the hell out."

Nate looked down and shuffled uncomfortably.

"Yeah, about that" jumped in Ryan. "You sure you want to kick a 14 year old boy out on the streets? Social Services might have something to say about that."

"Look Mr. Do-Good-Whoever-the-hell-you-are, take a look around. Do you think I can take care of him? I can barely feed myself, and I just don't have the energy to deal with him anymore." Her voice was cracking as she continued. "I don't care where he goes or what he does anymore. I was on the street by the time I was his age, and pregnant. If I could survive so can he."

Ryan could hardly believe what he was hearing. He turned to Nate. "Ok, bud, go grab what you need. Just essentials, stuff you can't live without, we'll buy whatever else you need."

Nate looked at his mother, but couldn't bring himself to say anything. He ran into his bedroom and was back in what seemed like an instant with a black back full of stuff.

Ryan had remained in the living room just staring at Nate's mother. She had gone to get a cigarette and now was leaning against the back of the couch puffing away.

"Wait for me outside, Nate" said Ryan. "I just want a second with your mom."

Nate hung his head and looked up through his hair at his mom. With a look of total despair and disgust he looked back down and walked out the door into the hallway.

Once Nate had left, Ryan turned to the woman and handed her his card. "Nate is coming with me and he'll be safe. If you ever come to a time and place in your life where you can be a mother again, call me. In the meantime, I'm sure his social worker will be in touch with you 'cos I'll be in touch with her. If you care anything at all for your son, you'll sign over guardianship to me." Ryan turned to leave.

Nate's mother wiped a tear from her eye, but couldn't get any words out. She took the card from Ryan and nodded.

Ryan met Nate in the hallway and put his arm around him as they headed back to the elevator.

"So, you like chicken in wine sauce?" he asked smiling.

"Huh?" said Nate. He wasn't sure what to make of what just happened, but he knew his life was going to be a whole lot different from now on.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Summer? Hi, it's Taylor" she said with some panic in her voice

"Hey Taylor, what's wrong." Her and Seth had just got home and the phone was ringing. Summer had been the one to pick up.

"Nothing I hope, but have you heard from Ryan?"

"Uh, no, not exactly. We were just at Sandy and Kirsten's and I think he called to speak to Sandy, but that was it. What happened?" asked Summer.

"Well, he got home from work and then got a phone call and ran out again without any explanation at all. I've been trying for like the last hour to get hold of him, but I keep getting his voicemail." She was becoming quite worried.

"That doesn't sound like him. Do you want Seth to come over while you try to track him down?"

"No, no, it's fine, I'm sure I'll hear from him soon. Just call me if you guys here from him, ok?"

"Yeah, sure." Summer hung up and turned to Seth who had been listening to her side of the conversation. "Atwood's gone AWOL, but she said just to call if we hear from him. Do you know what he called your dad about?"

"Nah, I didn't get a chance to ask, but I can tell you that if Ryan hasn't told anyone except Sandy Cohen what's going on, it's gonna be something big." Seth was now worried too, but he looked at his wife and tried not to show how concerned he was.

"Let's just wait and see. I'm sure we'd know if he was in trouble, and besides I'm having a craving for dill pickles and ice cream." He smirked.

"Uh huh, ok Cohen, the sympathy cravings as an excuse to eat the weirdest stuff are getting kinda creepy, and besides I'm craving something else…" She gave him her most sultry look.

"Hmm…yeah, I've heard women in their third trimester could get like this." He smiled and put his arms around her waist to pull her as close to him as her belly would allow. He leaned down to kiss her gently on the mouth, but Summer wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a deeper kiss. Seth pulled away gasping for air.

"Well, ok Mrs. Cohen…lead the way." Summer took Seth's hand and let him upstairs to the bedroom. Both were secretly still wondering if Ryan was all right.

No sooner had Taylor hung up from Summer than the phone rang again. She looked at the caller ID and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Where the hell are, Ryan?" she answered rather harshly.

"I'm on my way home, honey, sorry." He and Nate had got back to the car and he'd seen 11 missed calls on his cell. He knew he was in trouble and would probably be in even more when he arrived home with Nate.

"I've been worried sick about you. You said an hour and it's been almost three! What was so important you had to run out like that with no explanation?"

"Uh well, I think it would be better if I explained when I got home, but I've got someone with me. Could you make up the spare room?" He waited for the reaction.

"Spare room? Who's with you? Ryan, talk to me!" She was getting more agitated by the second.

"Just trust me and do this, please? I'll explain everything when we get home. I love you, Taylor Townsend." He hung up before Taylor could say anything else.

"You're in trouble with the wife, huh?" said Nate.

"Probably" said Ryan "but she'll get over it and she's not my wife…yet. Taylor's a meddler by nature, so she'll be on board with this in no time. She might even say that she's rubbed off on me." He smiled at Nate and hoped he was right. They continued the rest of the drive in silence, Nate just staring out the window as the scenery changed from the projects, to the freeway, to the Bay Bridge, to the beautiful neighborhoods of Berkeley.

Taylor stared at the phone hardly believing that Ryan had been so vague and hung up on her. Who was the 'we'? She put the phone down and went to make the bed in their spare room. Their house was a three-bedroom house but they had turned the smaller of the other two bedrooms into a home office. Their bedroom was the whole right side of the house with a beautiful en suite bathroom. The spare bedroom shared the other side of the house with the main bathroom. The middle of the house was the office and gallery landing that looked down to the front foyer. She pulled some dark blue sheets out of the linen closet and went to make the bed. She felt like she was moving in slow motion not knowing why she was doing this. She went to get clean towels to put them in the main bathroom and went downstairs to wait for Ryan to get home. It really wasn't like Ryan to act like this anymore.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Ryan pulled into the driveway of his house, turned the car off and looked at Nate. He thought about having him wait in the car while he talked to Taylor, but then decided he should just bring him in and explain it all with Nate there. Taylor would understand, wouldn't she?

"Taylor, we're home." Ryan called as he walked in the door with Nate following behind.

Taylor bounced up from the couch and ran to the front door. "Ryan, I was so worried"

She ran to him and through her arms around his neck. As she did, Nate appeared from behind Ryan. She quickly let go of Ryan and pushed him aside to look at Nate.

"Um, hi, I'm Taylor" she said quizzically.

"Hi, I'm Nate" he said. He didn't know what else he should say.

"Listen, bud" Ryan jumped in "take your bag upstairs. Yours is the room at the end of the hallway to the left when you go up these stairs. The bathroom's to the left of that if you want to freshen up at all.

"Thanks" said Nate shyly and went upstairs.

Taylor and Ryan watched him go upstairs and disappear down the hall into the spare room.

"Would you mind telling me what the hell is going on" whispered Taylor angrily.

"I saw him outside my project today, and I don't know, it reminded me of … well, me when Sandy picked me up in Chino. I just got the sense that something was not right and I gave him my card. Something happened with his mom, and he called me."

"Call you is one thing, but bring him to our home, Ryan? Do you know anything about this kid?" she was still talking in a loud whisper.

"Taylor, you could not even imagine the conditions that kid was living in. I couldn't leave him there. I told his mom I was going to be his guardian."

"You did what?! Now I know you've lost your mind. Who do you think you are? Sandy Cohen?"

"Yeah, actually, maybe I do" Ryan was getting angry. He had expected some resistance from Taylor, but he thought she would be easier to convince. "Look, someone gave Sandy a chance, he gave me a chance, now I pay it forward. I've got a good feeling about this kid, just like Sandy had about me."

"Pay it forward? What does that mean?" Taylor asked completely puzzled.

"You know, if someone does you a good turn, you then do a good turn to someone else, and they do a good turn to someone else and it gets paid forward. 'Karma' or 'what goes around, comes around'. I can't believe you of all people with your psychic Esmerelda didn't know about that."

"Ryan Atwood believes in Karma? Now I've seen everything. We're getting married in six weeks, starting our life together as a real married couple, maybe starting a family. I had a slightly different idea of how the next few weeks were going to go for us, and what 'starting a family' would mean!" She had calmed down but was almost whining in her tone now.

"Look, I told him I would contact his social worker tomorrow. He's got her number, it's a Ms. Hooper. We'll see what she has to say." He tried to soothe Taylor, but he was not going to back down on this.

"Fine. Well obviously he can stay until you sort things out with the social worker, but then I think we should talk about this. We're supposed to be a couple, you know, talk, discuss, compromise?" Taylor turned and walked away.

"I love you, Taylor Townsend" he called after her.

"Whatever" he heard her say.

Ryan went upstairs to Nate's room. He was unpacking what little he had put in his bag.

"She's pissed, huh?" he said

"A bit, but she'll get over it." Ryan said hopefully. "It's getting late, so why don't you turn in and I'll get you up when I get up in the morning and we'll sort some things out like talking to your social worker and maybe seeing if I'll need to enroll you in school."

"Ok, and thanks" Nate hung his head and shuffled his feet a bit. "Ya know, my mom's not really bad, she's just in a bad place right now." He added not wanting Ryan to think the worse of her.

"I know" said Ryan. "Believe me, I know." He smiled warmly at Nate. "Night" He walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.

He went downstairs and saw Taylor sitting in the living room. He didn't want to have another fight so he went the opposite way to the rec room. He made himself a 7 and 7 from the bar, turned on the big screen TV and the Playstation and sat in his big leather la-z-boy to play. He had so many thoughts going through his head.

Had he done the right thing?

Should he have discussed this with Taylor first?

Why wasn't she as understanding as he thought she would be?

Was he going to be able to be Nate's guardian?

What would he do if Taylor didn't come around?

He was jolted out of his thoughts by his cell phone ringing. It was 11:30 p.m., who could it be? He looked at his call display. Sandy. As he answered the phone, he heard Taylor go upstairs to bed.

"Hey" said Ryan

"Hey, did ya not think I might be worried about you?" Sandy said

"Yeah, sorry, we got back a little while ago."

"We? So you brought him home with you?" Sandy asked.

"Yeah, I had to Sandy. It was worse than you could have imagined where he was living" Ryan paused. "I told his mom I was going to be his guardian."

"Ya did, huh? That was a very 'me' thing to do. How did Taylor take it?" Sandy was curious.

"Uh, not too well, I didn't really talk to her about it, I just did it. Probably not the smartest, huh?" Ryan sighed. "But, it's a bit late now, and I had to do this, Sandy."

"I know you did, kid. I'm proud of you. Get some sleep, and call me if you need anything."

"All right, give my love to Kirsten. Night."

He hung up and downed his drink. He reclined in his chair and thought that he should probably sleep there tonight.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Ryan was woken in the morning by the sound of dishes being scraped and thrown in the sink…loudly. He got up from his chair and went to the kitchen to find Taylor scraping the uneaten chicken into the garbage disposal and chucking the plates in the other sink. He stood in the doorway staring at her for a moment.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly.

"Sorry all this food was wasted, or sorry you totally disregarded me in possibly one of the biggest decisions, you (or what should have been 'we') could ever make?" she snapped.

"Both" he said. "I just had to do this and I don't understand why you don't get that."

"I get it, I do. I don't want you to think I don't understand or I don't want Nate here." she said, softening a little. "But, I don't get why you didn't feel you should discuss this with me first, and I started thinking that if you could do something like this now, what would our married life be like?"

"What do you mean?" Ryan asked. "Are you saying because of this one thing, we shouldn't get married?"

"No, of course I'm not saying that, but maybe you should think about why you didn't tell me or felt you didn't _have _to tell me." There were tears welling up in her eyes. "Last night after we fought, you said 'I love you, Taylor Townsend', just like you always do. I laid in bed thinking and tried to remember a time when you just said 'I love you' and do you know what I realized?"

Ryan put his head down trying to avoid her eyes. He knew what she was saying. "What?" he asked quietly.

"I realized the last time you actually just said 'I love you' was the night of the earthquake, and even then it was after I had practically forced you into it the night before. Ryan, even when you proposed to me after Seth and Summer's wedding, you said 'I love you, Taylor Townsend'. Why do you do that? Do you have to remind yourself who it is you love? Do you have to _convince_ yourself who it is you love?" Tears were now falling down her cheeks. "I _know_ I love _you, _but I don't want to do this if you don't feel the same." She turned to leave the kitchen. "I have to go to work. You do what you need to with Nate today and think about what I said."

"Taylor, I do…." Ryan started.

"Do what, Ryan?"

"Love you" he finished

Taylor rolled her eyes. "See you _still_ can't say it. 'I LOVE YOU'. How hard can it be if you _really _feel it" She was sobbing as she grabbed her keys and walked out the front door.

Ryan stood in the doorway to the kitchen staring after her wondering why he couldn't just have said it. He did feel it, didn't he? He said it enough to her. Why did it matter how he said it? And why was this now about whether or not he loved her and not about helping a troubled kid? She should know that he'd only said that to one other person besides her. Didn't that mean anything? There was Marissa and there was her, never anyone else. He thought of Marissa, he only said 'I love you' to her and he knew he meant it then, but he never seemed to say it when he should have. He sometimes had nightmares about the night of the crash and how he should have told her when she lay dying in his arms. In his nightmare he told her and she didn't die. His love saved her and that was the nightmare. If he'd told her, would she have lived? Marissa, Marissa…why was he thinking of her, when Taylor had just accused him of not truly loving her? His head was spinning with thoughts, but he heard Nate coming down the stairs.

"Hey" said Ryan. "Did you sleep ok?"

"Yeah, great thanks. That bed is huge and the mattress was so soft. My bed at home is an old futon and the mattress is pretty much flat." He smiled at Ryan. "I know you said you'd get me up, but I was awake do I thought I'd come down."

"That's fine" said Ryan. "It's not even 7 o'clock yet. I have to go to my office this morning, so you can come with me and we'll try calling Ms. Hooper from there, ok? I'm sure I can find something for you to do so you're not totally bored. You want something to eat?"

Nate nodded. "I'm not real big on breakfast, but if you've got any cereal, I'll just eat it dry."

Ryan let out a loud chuckle and grabbed a box of cereal. He handed it to Nate and said "yeah, I'm more for dry cereal too. It tastes best if you just take handfuls from the box."

Nate laughed and dipped his hand in the box Ryan offered him. They sat for over an hour in the kitchen just talking about anything. Ryan talked a bit about Chino and how he came to be with the Cohens. Nate talked about his mom and how there was a time when she really did seem to be doing ok and she took care of him, but in the last couple of years, she seemed to get drunk or high a lot, usually before he was thrown out for her 'company'. He had become like the parent, often being the one to clean the place up or taking money from her wallet to go buy groceries. It broke Ryan's heart to hear Nate talk about his childhood. His own had been far from perfect, but he'd had Trey and they'd coped with their mom together. Nate had no one, and Ryan desperately wanted to change that.

"Oh, jeez, we're gonna be late" said Ryan looking at the clock in the kitchen. It was almost 8:30. "Let me go shower, shave and change real quick and we'll head to my office." He pointed to the rec room where the massive TV and Playstation were. "Knock yourself out while you're waiting."

Nate went into the rec room and was playing in seconds. Ryan hurried upstairs to get ready.

When Ryan got out of the shower, he called Julie quickly to tell her he'd be late and that he was bringing someone with him. He explained the situation briefly and she'd seemed quite understanding. Why was Taylor the only one who seemed to be taking this so hard?


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Taylor sat in her office staring out the window at the San Francisco skyline. She had been at work for nearly two hours and had accomplished nothing. Last night and this morning were playing over and over again in her head. She had never doubted how Ryan felt about her, well, at least not since she thought he was 'breaking up' their non-relationship and then he proposed. That beautiful speech, and then he said 'I love you, Taylor Townsend. Will you marry me?' Taylor couldn't believe that it had taken her until last night to think about Ryan's words, and now she thought she might have been reading too much into it. Maybe he thought it was cute to use her full name, but would he change it to Taylor Atwood when they got married?

Her and Ryan had been happy, really happy, when they saw each other for a day or two at a time every few months or so. They did that for five years, both completely satisfied. Every second they could muster over those holiday breads was spent together, and if they weren't expected at some family gathering or other, the time was spent in bed.

When Ryan finally got to experience the Taylor that her ex-husband had written about in his steamy romance 'A Season for Peaches', he was addicted. It was raw and powerful and they used every moment the best way they could.

Now, they were happy in a very mundane, 'how was your day, honey?' kind of way. They made love often, or perhaps, average, two or three times a week depending on who was tired and had to get up early. The passion that exploded after they spent months apart during those five years, really wasn't there anymore. Taylor was trying to remember the last time, they had torn each others clothes off and been swept away in the moment, making love for hours until they were both exhausted. It was two days before Summer and Seth's wedding when her and Ryan saw each other for the first time in five months. They had seen each other every day since. No mystery, no real passion, just love, she thought.

"How has it come to this?" she said out loud to herself and realized how strange that was and went back to thinking silently. Taylor was pondering her insensitivity now. Why hadn't she been more supportive when Ryan brought Nate home. She was just as likely to do something as impulsive and selfless as that, wasn't she? Why had Nate's arrival triggered this wave of doubt over Ryan's feelings for her? Then she came to a question that seemed to come up for her too often. The giant elephant in the room throughout her relationship with Ryan whether they were together or not. How would Marissa have reacted? What would Marissa have done? Gone for seven years, never spoken of, except during Ryan's proposal speech, but still so present in everyone's lives. Even her relationship with Summer suffered the same way. How would Marissa have talked to Summer? How would Marissa have been as Summer's maid of honor? Taylor wanted to call Summer right now, but there were larger issues apparently, that she couldn't discuss with her because of the 'Marissa factor'.

The insecurities she'd had as a teenager, born from her mother's torturous criticism, were flooding back. The only time in her life where she felt unconditionally loved, body and soul, was when she was briefly married to Henri-Michel Moumorant after high school. The man that Ryan had helped her divorce, the man she had ultimately decided she didn't want to be with to be with Ryan.

She really needed to talk to someone about this. Taylor opened up her address book and found the number she was looking for. She picked up the phone and dialed the number, and it seemed to ring forever on the other end. Finally, someone answered.

"Allo?" said a young male voice.

"Bonjour, monsieur. Puis-je parler avec Henri-Michel s'il vous plaît?


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"Hey Kim, this is Nate, " Ryan said as the two of them walked into the offices of ATCO. Nate barely had a chance to say hi to Kim as he tried to keep up with Ryan who was walking briskly to his office.

"Hey…er…Nate" Kim called after them.

"Ok, have seat there" Ryan indicated to a couple of chairs at a small discussion table in his office.

He put his briefcase on his desk and came to sit down with Nate. Nate sat staring around the office. It was huge with all black and chrome furniture. One entire side was windows looking out over the city, and the other side was a glass wall with Venetian blinds so you could see people walking through the hall.

"I want to make sure you're ok with all this before I call Ms. Hooper." Ryan said nervously. "I don't know how hard or how easy it's going to be, but I know I want to help you, and I want you to stay with me….and Taylor while your mom gets her act together, if she gets her act together. I'm not putting any time limit on this. The only I expect of you, is that you try hard at school and stay out of trouble. You don't strike me as the 'bad boy' type like I was" he smiled "but I want you to take this opportunity and use it, ok?"

Nate was leaning on his elbows on the table fidgeting with his fingers. He looked up through his shaggy blondish hair at Ryan and nodded. "I want this" he said quietly. "I won't let you down, I promise."

"I know you won't, bud. Ok, you got Ms. Hooper's number?"

Nate pulled a rumpled card out of his jacket pocket and handed it to Ryan. Ryan looked at the number on it and started to dial. The card only said M. Hooper, so he didn't have a first name. After a couple of rings, the phone was answered.

"Marissa Cooper speaking" said the voice on the other end and it sounded familiar.

Ryan froze, his lip quivering, he tried to speak, but couldn't get any words out. It couldn't possibly be… Nate was staring at him puzzled.

"Hello?" said the voice again.

"Um…er…I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?" Ryan stammered.

"This is Melissa Hooper, who am I speaking with?" Ryan breathed a sigh of relief at the name. Of course, it couldn't be, he thought, but that voice. He heard that voice in his dreams. His mind was playing tricks on him.

"Er, Ms. Hooper, my name is Ryan Atwood and I'm with one of your ….cases….I guess is the word to use. Nathaniel Davies?" Ryan waited for a reaction to his name. If it was her, which of course, it couldn't be, there would be the same breathless silence at the other end, right?

"Ah, yes, Nate," came the immediate response, no pause, no reaction, no awkward silence. It obviously wasn't her. 'Of course not, Ryan, you idiot' he thought.

"Yeah, well" Ryan continued trying to focus on Nate "there was an incident last night with his mom, and he called me. I'd like to discuss a transfer of guardianship."

"I see" said Melissa. "That is a serious undertaking, and of course, we will have to perform an evaluation and discuss further before any formal transfer could be made. Is Ms. Davies aware of your intentions?"

"Yes, she is" replied Ryan. Still that voice. Why was his brain doing this to him?

"Ok then, we need to set up an appointment to meet for your evaluation and an interview with Nate. I prefer to meet outside of my office to see how the child interacts in their new environment. Where do you live?"

"Um, in Berkeley" stammered Ryan "but could we do it this afternoon at my office downtown? Nate is here with me now."

"Well, it looks like I could be there around 2:30, would that be ok?"

"That's fine." Ryan went on to give Melissa the address to the offices. He hung up the phone and looked at Nate. "Ok, it's all set. C'mon. I'll take you on the tour of my empire" he laughed. "and introduce you to the wicked step monster." Ryan laughed even harder.

Nate looked a little puzzled, but followed Ryan out of the office and down the hall to the next largest office where Julie was playing with fabric swatches. She saw Ryan come in and approached him with two pieces of fabric.

"Mountain grey, or charcoal grey?" she said thrusting the pieces of fabric at him.

"Uh, Julie, that's your job remember?" he said laughing. "I build it, you decorate it. But I came in to introduce you to someone." He stepped aside to reveal Nate behind him and pushed him forward. "Julie, this is Nate. Nate this is my ex-adopted step-grandmother, my adopted brother's almost could've been step-mother-in-law, my ex-step-mother, oh yeah and my business partner… Julie." Ryan laughed as Nate stared blankly with the look of "Huh?"

"Perhaps a bit too much information, Ryan" Julie chuckled "but I'm pleased to meet you, Nate." She extended her hand and they shook.

"Pleased to meet you too." Replied Nate shyly.

"Uh, Julie, Nate's social worker is going to be here at about 2:30 to evaluate me as a guardian, so I was wondering if Nate could come hang out with you while that's going on. It's a Melissa Hooper."

Julie had a look of terror wash across her face which did not go unnoticed by Ryan. He walked up to her and whispered. "I know, I did the same thing, I guess 'cos the name sounds so similar."

"Yeah, I guess it does" Julie sputtered out over the lump in her throat. "No problem, Nate can come in here. 2:30, right?"

"Thanks, Julie" Ryan said as he and Nate left her office.

Julie walked around behind her desk and sat down in shock. She had a call to make. Ryan had thought her reaction was due to the name, but it was much more than that.

**Chapter 11**

"Cindy?" Julie was frantic. "I need to ask you something and you need to tell me the truth."

"What's got you so freaked out Jules?" Cindy hadn't talked to her sister for almost three years, and had a feeling what the call was about.

"Cindy, where's Melissa?…I mean Marissa, oh god, I don't know what I mean right now. Anyway, where is she?"

"Uh…I actually haven't talked to her in a couple of years" said Cindy.

"Years? Your supposed to be her _mother_, and you don't know where she is?" Julie was beside herself and couldn't believe what she was hearing from her sister.

"Oh yeah, riiiight, and you're supposed to be her cool-to-hang-around-with aunt. How come you don't know where she is? This was all your plan, so shouldn't you be on top of it?"

**Flashback**

_When Julie got the call, she was beside herself barely able to put enough of a coherent sentence together to tell her fiance, Dr. Neil Roberts what had happened. She had raced to the scene and found Ryan in an almost catatonic state not able to communicate and her daughter being put into an ambulance. Although, Ryan had held her while she breathed her last breath, the paramedics had begun CPR and resuscitation efforts._

_Sandy and Kirsten had arrived to take care of Ryan so Julie had got in the ambulance with her daughter. She had begged the paramedics to continue doing everything they knew how to save her and by the time they reached the hospital, they had managed to regain a heart beat and weak pulse. _

_It had been the longest journey Julie thought she had ever taken, but as she rode a plan began to formulate. She was not going to let anyone know about the revival efforts. Everyone at the scene already thought Marissa was dead, especially Ryan. It seemed to Julie that Marissa's troubles although apparent before Ryan's arrival in Newport, had worsened since she had known him. She didn't realize that Marissa's life was only good when Ryan was in it. Julie rationalized that it was likely that Marissa would not survive so there was no point in getting anyone's hopes up, but if she lived, she wanted her daughter to have a fresh start. No drama, no drinking, no Volchok, no Ryan. She would let everyone think Marissa was dead and have her shipped off to Jimmy in Greece as soon as she was able to travel!_

_And so the plan took shape. Marissa was on life support in a coma. Julie had her on lock down thanks to the influence she was able to exert with the hospital staff. She was the widow of Caleb Nichol after all…as in the Nichol Wing of the hospital. As far as everyone else was concerned, Marissa was dead. Ryan was devastated and disconnected from everyone completely. Julie was relieved that he didn't attend the funeral. The grief she showed was genuine, because although Marissa was alive, she was still not out of the woods and Julie felt the loss. _

_Then one day a few weeks later, the miracle had happened, Marissa had opened her eyes, and Julie had been there. "Hi sweetie," Julie had said tenderly._

"_Hi" Marissa had replied weakly. "What happened to me? Who are you?"_

_Julie was stunned, but the wheels kept turning. This was better than she'd hoped. Marissa didn't remember Ryan or her, so the plan evolved. What if she could fix her relationship with her daughter? What if she didn't have to send her half way across the world to keep her away from Ryan? That's when it came to her…_

"_I'm your Aunt Julie, sweetie, don't you remember anything?"_

"_No, I don't even remember my name. Who am I?" Marissa questioned emotionally._

_Julie was thinking on her feet. "Your name is …Melissa Hooper, sweetie, your mom, Cindy Hooper is my sister."_

"_Oh, where is she?" Marissa looked around. _

"_She needed to go back to Riverside to take care of some things, but she's been here every day. She'll be devastated to know you woke up when she wasn't here. I'm going to go call her right now."_

"_Ok, and then I want you to come back and tell me everything about me…um…Aunt Julie."_

_Julie stepped outside the hospital room and quickly called her sister. She explained her plan to have Marissa go to Riverside with Cindy as her daughter and invent a completely new, better life for Marissa as Melissa Hooper. Cindy was reluctant at first, but when Julie threw a dollar figure at her, she had agreed._

_And so it happened. Julie and Cindy created an entire life for Marissa that did not include any of the people she had know in Newport. The doctors had advised that although it did not seem likely due to the nature of Marissa's brain trauma, there was a possibility she could start to remember in the future. Julie pressed ahead with he plan anyway. She would take that chance to give her daughter a new start. Julie was Marissa's aunt and her best friend and they loved hanging out together. Cindy was her mom, not the best relationship in the world, but they got along._

_While all this was going on, Julie's life in Newport was becoming complicated. She had enlisted Ryan's help to catch Volchok, taking advantage of his rage, but was never once tempted to tell him the truth. Her engagement to Dr. Roberts had ended and Ryan's father had shown up in town. She'd bounced back and forth between dating Frank Atwood and dating a billionaire named Bullit, eventually settling on neither and going to college, even after giving birth to Frank's son. She had changed and fixed a number of things in her life including her relationship with her younger daughter Caitlin as well. It seemed that by changing Marissa's life, she had changed her own. She did eventually marry Frank, feeling the need to give there son, Jamie a father. Unfortunately, Frank did not turn out to be the reformed soul he presented and they divorced very quickly. Despite this, Julie managed to form a relationship with Ryan. He was, after all, her step-son, and he had warned her about Frank at the very beginning. She no longer blamed him for all that had happened to Marissa, and thought a few times of telling him the truth. Once he and Taylor became engaged she had dismissed this as she knew he would choose Marissa over Taylor in a heartbeat._

_Through all of this, she drifted away from Marissa, but made sure to get updates from Cindy. When she moved to San Francisco to start ATCO with Ryan, she decided not to tell Marissa and had not spoken to her now for almost 3 years. She felt guilty sometimes, but knew that the life her and Cindy had invented for Marissa, was better than the one she was living before the accident._

"Yes, it was my plan, but you were supposed to keep an eye on her. I think she may be here in San Francisco and about to see Ryan!"

"Oh my god" was all Cindy could say.

Julie now had the spite in her voice that had stung so many "I suggest you start calling every number you ever had for her and find some way to stop her from coming to this 2:30 appointment she has with Ryan."

"Jules, she won't recognize him. What's the big deal?" Cindy was apparently oblivious to the ramifications of this meeting.

"Hellooo? Earth to Cindy? Ryan will recognize her!!!!!" Julie shouted. "Call me if you find out anything. I'm going to start damage control here."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"Moi aussi, au revoir" said Taylor hanging up the phone. She had just spent the last hour pouring her heart out to her ex-husband, Henri-Michel.

Far from being critical or taking advantage of Taylor's emotional state, Henri-Michel had been a great listener and extremely supportive. He had never stopped caring about Taylor, but only wanted her to be happy. He had asked her some very probing questions that were aimed at Taylor really being honest with herself.

Q:What was it that made her doubt Ryan's feelings all of a sudden?

A:She'd had flashed of doubt in the past, but always thought it was her being insecure. The argument over Nate had led her to analyze the relationship again.

Q:Was she over-analyzing the situation?

A:Perhaps, but she felt she had clearly touched a nerve with Ryan.

Q:What did her and Ryan have in common that they could use as a building block to solidify their relationship?

A:Um…..

Q:What things did they enjoy doing together?

A:Um…..

Q:How were the wedding plans coming?

A:There wasn't much to do. It wasn't going to be a big wedding, and her and Ryan had been so busy, they hadn't really done much about it…even with only six weeks to go.

Q:Does she get butterflies when she sees Ryan?

A:Yes…well…kind of. It was more of a knot than butterflies, kind of hard to explain.

Henri-Michel that he would not judge any of her answers, but it was now up to her to consider them for herself. He had apologized that he couldn't talk longer, but he had to go meet his wife, who was also his publicist, to talk to the publisher about his next book. Henri-Michel had ended the conversation by saying that he truly hoped they could stay in touch.

Now Taylor sat replaying her conversation with Henri-Michel and she found herself feeling quite sad. Her and Henri-Michel had many common interests, and she thought for a moment about what her life would have been like if she had stayed with him. Would they have children? Would she have grown to love him? She felt now that she cared more deeply for him as a friend than she ever did as her husband.

With that thought, a flood of revelations came about her answers to Henri-Michel's questions. She began to make a list to organize her thoughts.

Deep down she had always doubted Ryan's feelings. Even from the very first time, he said 'I love you' because she had tried to get him drunk to make him say it. SHE forced him into it. Would he have said it otherwise?

Common ground – sex – not really anymore

- consoling each other over past damaging relationships

3. Common interests – none

4. Wedding plans – six weeks to go and no lists

5. Butterflies – no

- weird feeling like a knot in her stomach whenever he said 'I love you, Taylor Townsend

Taylor stared at the list and read and re-read it over and over again. Finally, she threw it back on her desk, sat back in her chair and said out loud. "Oh my god, I have to talk to Ryan!"


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Seth and Summer had been woken at 5 a.m. as usual by the rhythmic thumping and kicking of their future ultimate fighter. Very early on in Summer's pregnancy, her and Seth had agreed that whatever Summer went through, Seth would as well…as much as was physically possible. So, if she was awake, he was awake, and they were going to continue the 50/50 split after the baby was born. Although, Summer liked to call it the 60/40 arrangement since she actually had to give birth.

This arrangement was made easier as they both worked at home, Seth as a movie critic for the San Francisco Chronicle, and Summer had continued to work for G.E.O.R.G.E, the environmental group she had joined before returning to college.

It was now after 10 and they were sat at their kitchen table. Seth was grumpy and considering taking a nap.

"Cohen! You can only sleep when I sleep. 60/40, remember?"

"Yeah, but what's the point of both of us being miserable?" he grumbled. "I promise to take an extra 3 a.m. feeding for every nap I take in the next twelve weeks."

Summer got up to stand behind Seth, who was still seated, and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Seth, instead of making promises you know you can't keep, why not do something useful, like call Ryan and arrange some quality Seth/Ryan time. I know you're just aching to sit in front of that huge TV of his and play Playstation?" She continued to massage his head.

"Yeah, I would, except, every time I've tried to arrange some Seth/Ryan time lately, he's been too busy or too tired. I really want to give him this kick-ass bachelor party, but he just doesn't seem into it." Seth was rolling his eyes back in his head as his wife rubbed his temples. "I was thinking of the Vegas. I love the Vegas. Ryan loves the Vegas. We do well in the Vegas."

Summer stopped rubbing Seth's head and instead smacked him across it.

"Ow!!!" cried Seth rubbing his wound.

"You are so NOT doing the Vegas, Cohen!" Summer said sternly. "The last time you did the Vegas, you cheated on me, almost lost all your money, and got scammed for $5,000 by a bunch of hookers!! UH UH, not happening!!! Just call Ryan." She finished more softly handing him his cell phone.

"Fine" said Seth knowing he was beaten. Where Summer was concerned, he never won.

He speed dialed Ryan's cell and was surprised that he actually answered.

"Hey" said Seth as was his customary greeting.

"Hey" replied Ryan "I was going to call you."

"Hmmm, you were, huh? 'Cos that would be really cool, ya know, if you decided to call your best friend, never mind, your brother every now and then. Just a thought." Sarcasm oozed from Seth as usual.

Ryan had learned over the years to give as good as he got from Seth.

"Yeah, except you know I don't speak to Trey anymore" replied Ryan quickly, referring to his natural brother who was now doing 25 years to life in jail having been caught by the "three strikes, you're out" law.

"Oooh, oooh that hurts"faked Seth" anywho, THIS brother wants to plan your stag night, but knowing how you feel about surprises, I thought I'd include you in the plans. Any ideas? Naked women are a given, by the way… OW!" Summer had smacked him for the last remark.

"Uh yeah, Seth, I can't think about that right now. I've got some major stuff going on today. Actually, I wanted to tell you about it, that's why I was going to call you." Ryan sounded distracted, Seth thought.

"Dude, we have to get it done soon, but tell me what's happening." Seth wanted this stag night more for him to let loose before the baby was born more than anything, but was really trying NOT to make it about him.

Ryan went into the explanation about how he met Nate, the trip to the apartment, even the argument with Taylor. When he was finished, Seth's response was as expected.

"Wow man, that's very Sandy Cohen of you. So this kid's there with you now?" Seth, like Sandy and Kirsten, knew how Ryan had always wanted to do for someone what had been done for him, but no one expected it to be so soon.

"Yeah, he's here at the office, but he's talking to Kim right now. She's got him sorting and stapling proposal packages, I think."

"Good" said Seth, seriously "because, I want to ask you something, and I want you to answer honestly, ok?"

"Well you know I'm a lousy liar, so fire way" Ryan replied with a smile on his face.

"Do you even WANT to marry Taylor?" Seth blurted.

"What?" Ryan gasped sounding angry.

"Ryan, hear me out" Seth tried to calm "there's been signs."

"Signs?" Ryan rolled his eyes.

"Yes, signs…hear me out. Number one, getting you to agree to anything for the four of us together in the last six months has been impossible. It's been like your avoiding time with Taylor."

"Seth that's…" Ryan started.

"Don't interrupt, just listen, k?"

"Fine" Ryan paced his office with one hand on his hip listening to Seth.

"Number two" Seth continued "you have shown no interest in having a bachelor party/stag night, call it what you will. Guys who WANT to get married WANT their last blast of bachelorhood." Seth paused for effect. "Number three, you go out and bring home a strange kid, announce that he's going to live with you, without even discussing it with Taylor? Don't you think she should have had some say? My dad didn't let you in the house until he'd cleared it with Mom!" he stressed emphatically. "Lastly" he continued "and this is really just an observation…you never say 'I love you' to Taylor. It's always that cheesy 'I love you, Taylor Townsend'." The last part was said in a rather goofy voice. "Man, it sounds so forced and fake to me, imagine what it sounds like to Taylor."

"All right, Seth, that's enough" Ryan raised his voice. "How do you know what I say to Taylor, has she been talking to Summer? And as for the other stuff, well, I have been really busy, so hanging out with you guys and the stag night have just not been possible, and the Nate thing, yeah, I probably should have told Taylor, but she knew I needed to do this." Ryan sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

"Dude, from what you told me of her reaction, she was just learning about this 'Pay it forward' theory now. Meanwhile, anyone who was ever really close to you knew about it and what you called it. Think about that."

Ryan paused for a moment to think about what Seth had said, but quickly moved on to the next issue. "And as for the 'I love you' bullshit, that's between me and Taylor. She knows how I feel." He was really agitated now. "Seth, Nate's here now, I've gotta go" he lied wanting to end the conversation quickly.

"All right, man, just think about what I said, and maybe call me over for Playstation on that movie theatre TV of yours, ok?"

"Yeah, sure" Ryan whispered and closed his phone.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Ryan sat down at his desk and stared at his computer screen thinking about everything Seth had said and everything Taylor had said to him last night and this morning. He also thought about something else that he had never told anyone, but had tried to deal with on his own. He was still in love with Marissa. She was dead, yes, but it was always her.

His proposal speech to Taylor has been true to a point. There had been someone he had pictured after Taylor, but it was impossible, so he'd concluded Taylor was the one. The one he pictured after Taylor was Marissa. Ryan still dreamt about her as well. There were two versions of the dream. The first was his nightmare of not telling her he loved her. The second was a rather raunchy fantasy that seemed to get stuck in the tiki hut where he and Marissa had made love for the first time. If he really thought about it, the times when he really wanted sex with Taylor were after having the fantasy dream. 'How twisted is that?' he thought to himself.

Everything Seth said was true. He didn't want to hang in the foursome. That only highlighted how perfect Seth and Summer were for each other and how totally different he and Taylor were. Ryan didn't want to plan his bachelor party because that would mean acknowledging that he was actually getting married. That thought now absolutely terrified him. Nate he should have discussed with Taylor, but he felt it was HIS decision. If they were going to be married, it should have been THEIR decision, and no, he had never actually shared his Pay It Forward theory with Taylor.

Lastly, he couldn't just say 'I love you'. That he would always reserve for one person. Marissa. He did love Taylor, he thought, but in the way he loved his other friends. He cared for her more deeply than he had cared for anyone…except Marissa.

Ryan began to realize that he had been most unfair to Taylor about a lot of things, the very least of which was not discussing Nate with her. He knew he needed to talk to her, but she was probably still mad and he had the social worker meeting in less than two hours now.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Julie had spent the last two hours trying to get hold of Melissa Cooper at Child Services. The main reason was to try and confirm if it was in fact Marissa. She hadn't been sure what she would say to her or how she would explain how Aunt Julie had found her after they had drifted apart of the last few years.

Julie had kept in touch with Marissa for the first few years after the accident. She had visited her and Cindy in Riverside regularly, but it had got more difficult once she had Frankie. When she enrolled in college, it became impossible. She had taken consolation in knowing first that Marissa was doing well and now had a pretty normal drama-free life, and secondly that she had become a better mother to Marissa's younger sister, Caitlin and to Jamie in the process. The whole plot to keep Marissa away from Newport and Ryan was the last truly 'Julie Cooper' thing she had done.

Now it seemed like everything was going to come crashing down on her. Ryan and Marissa would meet, and at the very least Ryan would know what she had done even if Marissa still didn't remember. There didn't seem to be anything she could do to stop it.

Melissa Hooper was out on case calls all day and didn't keep her cell phone on or check in for messages on these days. Julie had been told the best hope of reaching her was between 9 and 10 a.m. tomorrow.

Julie had decided that the best option now was for her not to be in the office, since she would most definitely be recognized by Marissa if it was her.

Julie walked down to Ryan's office and knocked on the door. When she entered he looked a little stressed and was staring at his cell phone.

"You ok?" she asked?

"Hmm? Um yeah?" Ryan said as if jolted back into the present.

"Good, listen, I have to go out to meet a client, so can you have Nate stay with Kim when that social worker comes? I probably won't be back for the rest of the day" she lied.

Ryan looked a little puzzled, but his mind was more focused on talking to Taylor now than how to deal with Nate when the social worker was there. "Yeah, sure, no problem" he said absently.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Ryan watched Julie leave his office and continued to stare at his cell phone. As if on cue, he was suddenly jolted out of his trance by his phone ringing. Taylor.

"Hey" he said quietly when he answered the phone.

"Hey" replied Taylor sweetly.

There were several moments of awkward silence broken by them both speaking at the same time.

"We need to talk…" they both started and laughed as they had the night Ryan proposed. Both sensed that this conversation was going to go very differently.

"You first" said Ryan "I'm listening".

Taylor was nervous. She couldn't believe what she was about to do. "Ryan, I've done a lot of thinking" she began " and I want to say that this actually has very little to do with Nate, and everything to do with you and me." Her voice was shaky, but she knew she needed to get it all out. "I think we've been kidding ourselves that we were meant to be together for ever." Ryan couldn't believe what he was hearing. It seemed like they had come to the same decision.

"I know what you mean" he said softly "not that I didn't want to make it work. I really did, and I really do care about you Taylor."

"I know Ryan, but you know you still have a lot of stuff to deal with. I think you really need some time on your own with no romantic distractions at all. You still have some healing to do. I don't think you had enough time before."

"Taylor, it's never been about her" Ryan wasn't being entirely truthful, but he really didn't want to hurt Taylor. "It's about me, and my issues, and I never wanted to hurt you. I really thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you."

"But you don't" Taylor finished for him "and I don't want to be with someone who only wants to be with me because it's safe and comfortable. We both need excitement and passion, and we're not getting that from each other any more. I didn't really want to do this on the phone, but I also didn't want to do it at home with Nate there."

"Thanks" said Ryan barely in a whisper.

"You take care of him and make him want to do the same for somebody else too. Bye Ryan, I won't be home tonight." Taylor began to break down.

"Bye Taylor, I …" he trailed off and hung up.

He laid his head in his hands on his desk trying to comprehend exactly what he was feeling. This was turning out to be one hell of a day. It was only lunch time and he was minus a girlfriend and plus a foster kid. He couldn't possibly have known what the rest of the day would hold for him.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Julie looked at the clock. It was 1:55 p.m. and time for her to leave. She could not run the risk of Marissa coming early. She still did not have concrete proof that this Melissa Hooper was actually her Marissa, but something deep down told her that it was. She grabbed her purse and left her office. As she walked past Ryan's office, she noticed him laying with his head in his hands at his desk, something you would never see from him.

"Everything ok?" she asked "you've seemed a little out of it today."

Ryan rose slowly. "Uh, yeah, it's just…..this whole thing with Nate, the social workers name freaked me out, …and, oh yeah, Taylor and I just broke up."

"Aw, honey, I'm sorry to hear that." Julie was now more concerned than ever. Ryan was now in a very fragile emotional state and the sight of Marissa could just send him over the edge. "Maybe you should cancel your meeting with the social worker today and reschedule when things aren't so crazy for you."

"Nah, nah, I've got to get things sorted for Nate. I have to be able to enroll him in school and get him settled at the house. The kid's had enough uncertainty in his life."

"Ok, well, I'm off to my meeting, so if I don't see you again today, good luck with Nate and I'll see you in the morning. In fact, consider giving yourself the day off tomorrow. It's Friday anyway and you can spend the day with Nate."

"Yeah, thanks, maybe I will. Good luck with…er…whoever it is your meeting." He smiled. Julie sashayed out of the office leaving Ryan to his thoughts.

About ten minutes later Nate came in to see Ryan who was now looking at some plans on his desk trying to get his mind into his normal day's activities.

"Ryan?" enquired Nate tentatively not wanting to disturb him.

"Hey, bud, what's up?" Ryan looked up from his plans with a smile.

"Um…I just wanted to tell you that Ms. Hooper's here. I was helping Kim up front and I saw her when she came in. She asked me a couple of questions about you already, and how I felt about staying with you. I hope I did the right thing."

"Sure you did…as long as you told her you think I'm great and you wouldn't want to live anywhere else." Ryan chuckled. "Give me a sec to clear my desk up, and you can show her in if you like, even though she's a little bit early."

"OK" said Nate. "You'll like her I know it, she's cool like you." He left to get the social worker while Ryan quickly tidied his desk and tightened his tie. A good impression was important.

A few moments later Nate came into the office with Melissa Hooper behind him.

"Ryan, this is Ms. Hooper" she stepped out from behind Nate to extend her hand to Ryan

"Please call me Melissa" she said confidently as she strode toward Ryan.

Ryan stared at the woman and everything seemed to happen in slow motion. It seemed to take her an eternity to reach him and when she did he could not believe what he was seeing. His brain playing tricks over a voice was one thing, but standing before him was a ghost. The most beautiful ghost with long sandy blonde hair, mesmerizing blue eyes, and the most perfect cheekbones ever seen on a woman. Her body was slender and toned and those legs…he knew every inch of those legs. Standing before him was Marissa.

"Mr. Atwood?" Melissa questioned rather uncomfortably. She had been standing with her hand extended and Ryan had not moved or reacted in any way. "Is everything all right?"

"Um, yeah, er…I…er…sorry, please call me Ryan" Ryan extended his hand to shake Melissa's. He could not believe he was feeling her soft skin again and he felt a wave of warmth go through his body as they shook hands.

Melissa found the greeting she had received from this man to be rather strange. She knew she was a good looking woman and often had men speechless around her, but not like this. He was certainly a handsome man and appeared to look after his body well, but she wasn't here to pick up a date. She was here to determine the best course of action for Nate. Still, when she shook Ryan's hand, she felt something strange. It wasn't like the thunderbolt of destiny or anything like that, but she felt a sense of warmth and familiarity in his touch.

Ryan gestured to a seat at the small table in his office and thanked Nate for showing her in. Nate left to go back to help Kim and Ryan closed the door behind him. He sat down at the table across from Melissa. He was trying not to stare at her, but he kept looking for an inkling that she recognized him in any way. He kept trying to tell himself that it had been an emotional twenty-four hours for him and his brain might still be playing tricks on him.

Then as Melissa opened her folder took out a pen and brushed her hair back from her face, he saw it. There was a scar just at her hairline on her right temple. It was quite a large scar that could only have come from a deep gash. That night was so imprinted in Ryan's brain that he knew every detail of Marissa's face. As he held her in his arms, the right side of her head had been bleeding and her hair was matted because of it. What were the chances that two women looked exactly the same and had a scar in the exact same place? Ryan took a deep breath and smiled. He had to keep his cool, he thought.

"I'm sorry about that…whatever it was, back there. I'm kind of nervous about making a good impression, and you're not exactly what I was expecting." He said honestly.

"And what were you expecting, Mr. At…Ryan?" Melissa said slightly flirtatiously. 'Stop it' she thought to herself. It was so unprofessional to flirt with prospective foster parents, though she'd never actually done it before. There was just something about this guy that made her feel comfortable, almost like she'd known him in a previous life.

"I'm not sure really" said Ryan uncomfortably " I guess I pictured social workers as drab clothes, no make up, no hair style, just all about the job, and you are…" he paused to look her up and down "SO not that". Ryan was now flirting too. It seemed to come so naturally when he was around Marissa, and it _was_ Marissa. He just had to remember to call her Melissa and fight the urge to scoop her up in his arms and hold her until they both couldn't hold on any longer. His heart was beating a million miles a minute. 'Cool, Ryan' he thought to himself , ' you may just have to win her heart all over again'.

"Well, thank you, I think" Marissa said shyly. "Now, I have some questions for you. I'm sure Nate told you that I spoke to him prior to coming in here and he seems very eager to live with you and make this positive change." She shuffled some papers in the file. "Perhaps you could begin by telling me how you met Nate and what you observed with his mother that compelled you to take this huge step?"

Ryan watched her try to present an air of professionalism. He was getting to her and he hadn't even done anything yet! He went on to explain how he had seen Nate outside his building project and recounted all the events of the previous evening at Nate's apartment. He had relaxed back in the chair and crossed his legs in the very masculine way with his left ankle resting on his right knee. Their conversation for the next hour seemed to be very relaxed, even friendly, both of them smiling and making the occasional joke about something slightly off topic to the subject at hand. Her final question had caught Ryan off guard and he wasn't sure how to answer.

"Ryan, I also need to know your marital status" she had asked rather bluntly.

"I…er…well…er…is this a personal or professional question?" he dodged teasingly.

Marissa smiled. "Purely professional, of course."

"Um, well, I guess, single" he said hesitantly. "I, um, well, my fiancée and I split up this morning actually." He wasn't sure why he had just told her that.

"I'm sorry. I hope it wasn't because of Nate." She was probing now. He was single and she secretly excited by that, but she needed to know both personally and professionally what the circumstances were of the break-up.

"Uh, no, it wasn't. Not directly anyway. I didn't talk to her before making this huge step, and it just highlighted a whole bunch of other issues that we'd been avoiding for a long time. So today, after both of us thinking things through, we decided, mutually and amicably, that it was over. I'm kinda bummed about it, but I know it's for the best. I have…er…issues…that I need to deal with." He looked straight into her eyes just wanting to scream that _she _was his 'issues', that he and Taylor had split because he was still in love with _her. _Instead, he pulled back. "Wow, sorry, probably too much information there, and not necessarily in my favor for taking care of Nate, huh?"

"Not at all. Actually, I appreciate your honesty" she smiled "and I'm sorry about what you're going through right now" she seemed genuinely concerned. "I think that's all I need from you now. I'll be in touch so we can arrange for me to review Nate's living arrangements, but I don't see any problem. The issue of guardianship is a legal one, so you should probably arrange for an attorney to help you through it."

Ryan chuckled as they both stood up. "I think I know someone who could help me with it." He extended his hand to Marissa again. "Thanks for taking the time to come here. I'll look forward to hearing from you soon. Can I go ahead and arrange schools and stuff?"

"I would say so" Marissa replied reaching for his hand again. The handshake this time was longer than it should have been, neither one wanting to let go.

Ryan finally let go of her hand, but as he did, he decided in a flash that he was going to let this girl know that he liked her, even though he knew he already _loved _her. Clearly she had no memory of him, so he was starting fresh.

"Uh, Melissa?" he said uncertainly. "Look this is really out of left field and probably totally inappropriate…on a number of levels…especially considering my current relationship situation…but…I've really enjoyed talking to you today and I thought maybe I could take you to dinner some time?"

"Wow, um…Ryan…that is really sweet of you, but yes, it is inappropriate, at least from my professional standpoint. I can't date prospective foster parents. However…" she began to smirk a bit "I could arrange for my residence visit to occur around the time you eat dinner…" she blushed a little. "I enjoyed our meeting as well. I think Nate is very lucky and he is a really good kid. Well, bye." Marissa waved her hand awkwardly and left Ryan's office.

A moment later Nate walked in. "Well? Do I get to stay with you?" he asked anxiously.

"Yeah, I think you do" Ryan grinned widely "but Ms. Hooper still has to come check the house out before the official stamp of approval is given. She'll probably come for dinner."

"Dinner?" said Nate surprised "Won't Taylor have a problem with you inviting a totally hot chick for dinner?"

Ryan laughed. "Well, about that…um…Taylor and I have decided that…well"

"You broke up over me, didn't you..." Nate said dejectedly.

"Oh, hey, bud, no…I mean my actions concerning you may have contributed to the timing, but this is so far from your fault, believe me. So whaddaya say, two hot bachelors blow this joint and start getting to know each other a little better. I'm gonna take tomorrow off so we can get you into the local school and buy some stuff that you might need. Sound good."

"Yeah" replied Nate "Sounds good." Ryan grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair, threw some papers in his briefcase and they walked out the door together.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

The girl known as Melissa Hooper got home from work that Thursday afternoon and relived her afternoon with one Ryan Atwood. She had never been so captivated or felt so comfortable with anyone involved in one of her cases, and very few people in her private life. There were moments during their interview where she truly felt like she knew him and he seemed to be talking to her like he had known her for a very long time.

Now, she had jeopardized her job by agreeing to meet him over dinner…at his house!! She justified it as part of her job, and what did it matter at what time of day she went there? After all, she was supposed to visit unannounced to capture the true atmosphere of the home without any staging or false pretenses. Melissa loved her job, and now she loved it just that little bit more if she would get to look at Ryan Atwood's piercing blue eyes again.

Aside from any personal opinions or feelings she was having toward Ryan, her professional side was also very impressed. This young, upwardly mobile man, was willing to sacrifice his bachelorhood and take on the enormous responsibility of a teenager.

During their meeting, Ryan had spoken about his own troubled childhood and how he had ended up at the Cohens. He had confessed to her that he would probably be in jail with his older brother, Trey were it not for Sandy Cohen's faith in him and Kirsten's ultimate decision to accept him as part of the family. Melissa had been so touched by the tenderness and sincerity of heart with which Ryan had spoken about his adopted family and how they had supported him through so many life changing moments. She had hardly believed how candid he had been about the moment when he thought he had made his childhood friend and sometime girlfriend pregnant, and had chosen to leave his girlfriend of the moment to face his responsibility as a father.

Melissa thought back to that particular point in the conversation for a moment and remembered how Ryan had really emphasized his feeling of responsibility as a father, but more than that was the true pain in his eyes when he talked about leaving the girl he loved to be a father. She had felt that he was trying to say something to her without saying it, but felt he couldn't find the words.

That same feeling had come over her when Ryan had spoken about the most traumatic event of his life. This was a question that she always felt uncomfortable asking prospective foster parents as she felt it pried too deeply. It was supposed to indicate the person's ability to deal with traumatic and stressful events, but she felt that it often led the meeting down a melancholy path that it should not go, and usually took the subject of the question some time to formulate what they considered to be the most traumatic event.

When she had posed the question to Ryan, he had not hesitated, and confessed that undoubtedly the most traumatic event of his life was having the girl he was in love with die in his arms and not be able to do anything to save her. He had added that it was the same girl he left for the pregnant friend, and once again he had this look come over him as he had stared into her eyes. His eyes seemed to say 'there's so much more I want to tell you' , but then he would pull back and become non-chalant and laid back with his legs crossed again.

As she recapped the interview for about the twentieth time in her head, she thought of what a lucky girl that had been for Ryan to have been so in love with her, and then shook herself for considering a girl who had died in a tragic car accident as lucky.

It brought her back into her own reality where she realized she was lucky, and not for the adoring love of a high-school sweetheart, or any sweetheart for that matter, but for the fact that she was alive. Ryan's story had brought some of her own painful memories back to the forefront. The car accident she had been in on her graduation day in Riverside. The car accident she remembered nothing about.

It had taken her months of talking with her mom and her Aunt Julie to piece her memory and her life before the accident back together, but she still remembered nothing about the accident itself or the circumstance of it. For almost two years after the accident she had a recurring dream about being upside down, then feeling heat from a fire, and then feeling safe and being held. She couldn't see the car in her dream or who was holding her, but she knew she felt safe. Then the dreams had stopped.

In the beginning, she had often asked her Aunt Julie to help her by getting the police report or even pictures of the wreck to help jog her memory, but Julie had always told her it was best she didn't remember the accident and that she focused on remembering her life rather than her almost-death. Then she'd lost touch with Julie and she'd even drifted from her mom. She never really got back the feeling of bonding with her mother after the accident, and her mom seemed to want to distance herself. It was really when she lost all contact with her aunt and her mom that the dreams had stopped.

That night after finishing the notes in the Atwood/Davies case file, Melissa Hooper went to bed and dreamed.

_She was a passenger in a large vehicle like an SUV, there was a boy driving with no face. Lights were flashing behind them. They were being chased. The car was bumped and bumped again , and again. She was scared, terrified screaming at the faceless person beside her, and then. "Ryan, look out!!"_

_Then she was upside down, she smelled gasoline, she felt herself being pulled and lifted. There was heat from a fire. She was down again and felt safe. She heard a voice again_

"_I'm gonna get help"_

_She heard herself speaking "No, stay, don't leave"_

_Then nothing, then the voice again. "Marissa, Marissa, MARISSA, no, no,"_

Melissa sat up in bed with a start, she was sweating and crying. She remembered her dream vividly. The boy had no face, but she had cried out to Ryan and the voice she heard in her dream was HIS voice. The name she heard in her dream was not her own. Marissa? It sounded like her name.

Melissa wasn't sure what was going on. Had this man she'd met today made such an impression on her that he could implant himself in her dreams? Could he make her dream a dream she had not had in years? Dream a dream in more detail than she had ever done before? Was she superimposing him in her dream because of his story?

Melissa got up and went to her kitchen to get a glass of water. She looked on her kitchen table and saw the Atwood/Davies file. Sitting down at the table, she opened the file and began reading her notes all over again and again. When she was finished, the sun was rising, and all she knew was that she had to talk to Ryan Atwood again.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Ryan and Nate had had a great afternoon together just getting to know each other better. Ryan had taken Nate to the batting cages as he had said he loved baseball. Ryan had tried to focus all his attention on Nate, but as Nate stood in the batters' box and Ryan stood watching, he found the rhythmic pitch of the ball hypnotizing.

He was replaying his meeting with Melissa Hooper in his mind. But who was he kidding, _that was Marissa!_ So many questions and regrets ran through his head. The first question that replayed over and over again was how? How was Marissa there? How had she survived? How had Julie not known?

The next question was why. Why did she not recognize him? Why didn't he just tell her who she was, who he was, how he felt? There had been moments during their interview that afternoon when he had almost blurted out everything, and others when he just wanted to get up and leave. He wanted to run away and hide and not face what was actually happening. The questions she was asking seemed to be inviting him to tell her. That afternoon had been the biggest battle he had ever had inside his head. Finally, the side of caution had won. Do not alarm her, do not throw her world into a tail spin. Do not tell her she's not who she thinks she is. The overriding voice in his head surprised him though. 'Hold it together for Nate. You can get through this for Nate. Take care of Nate THEN take care of yourself.'

Ryan was snapped out of his trance by Nate.

"Ryan? Ryan?" Nate was waving his hand in front of Ryan's face "Man you were zoned out there."

"Yeah, sorry, just thinking" Ryan smiled "Let's go get something to eat. There's this great diner that does awesome cheeseburgers and chili fries and I haven't been there in forever. Taylor didn't like it, so now I'm gonna let loose."

Ryan focused all his attention on Nate for the rest of the evening. He talked more than he had in his entire life. He thought that as long as he was talking and his mind was occupied, he wouldn't think about Marissa and what he had face up to. After dinner he and Nate had gone home and played video games. When Ryan had gone upstairs to change, he noticed that Taylor must have been there at some point as all her clothes were gone. He felt a sadness that she was gone, but also a sense of relief. He didn't have to pretend anymore…to anyone.

It had been after midnight by the time they had gone to bed and now Ryan lay on his back staring at the ceiling. His worst fear now come true. He was alone with nothing to distract him, and all he could think of was her. He got up and went to his closet. High on a shelf at the back was a box. He brought the box down and opened it. Inside was Marissa's Harbor sweatshirt along with a small number of pictures and a letter. He had thrown every other memento away a few months after her 'death'.

He spread the pictures out on the bed and stared at them. There was one of them dancing at Julie's wedding to Kirsten's father Caleb. They were so close and so sad as Ryan was leaving to go to Chino with Theresa that night. There was a picture of them lying in the Tiki Hut where they had made love for the first time, taken with Ryan's phone. He had his arm around her as she lay on his chest and they both had that unmistakable post-lovemaking glow. Finally, there was a picture of the four best friends on their graduation day. Summer, Seth, Marissa, and Ryan. The last day they were all together and all happy. Ryan then picked up the letter Marissa had written when she was going to be with her dad in Greece, and read it for the zillionth time. She loved him, but her leaving was the only way they could move on with normal lives. Their constant coming together and breaking apart had taken its toll on both of them and they needed to be away from each other for a while.

Ryan picked up the sweatshirt and breathed in deeply. Even after years of being boxed up and moved from closet to closet, it still had a faint aroma of her perfume. He had smelled that scent again this afternoon. Sitting there alone in his room among the pictures, the letter, and the smell of the sweatshirt, the weight of what had happened today came crashing down on him. His body began to convulse with sobs, sobs unlike anything he had experienced before. He had never grieved for her in the conventional way, never shed a tear and now that she was alive and didn't know who he was, he was grieving all over again.

Ryan brushed everything off the bed flinging it across the room, turned his light out and laid back with his hands over his eyes. He desperately wanted to talk to Julie to find out what she knew, but lying there in the dark, he came to one overriding conclusion. Tomorrow he was going to tell Melissa Hooper that she _was _Marissa Cooper.

It was 2 a.m., but there was one person he needed to call.

"Hello?" a groggy voice answered

"Sandy? Hey, it's me. I need your help." Said Ryan. He was now as wound up as if he had drunk a gallon of coffee.

"Ryan? What is it?" Sandy was suddenly very awake. "Is it Nate? Are you in trouble.?"

"No, no, it's not Nate and I'm not in trouble, but something's come up that I really need your help with." Ryan went on to explain about Melissa Hooper, the scar, the smell of her, everything that convinced him that she was actually Marissa, and then he asked his favor.

"Of course, I can do that" said Sandy hardly knowing what else to say. "I'll call you in the morning when I know more. I'd say get some sleep, kid, but I know that's not on the cards now. Are you sure you want to do this again?"

"I've never been more sure of anything." Ryan said hanging up the phone.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Sandy hung up the phone and got out of bed.

"What is it, honey?" said Kirsten sleepily.

"Go back to sleep, I have to do something for Ryan"

Kirsten was awake all of a sudden. "What is it? Is he ok? Is it Nate?"

"Yeah, he's ok, sort of and no, it's not Nate. It's bigger than that. Julie Cooper has some explaining to do, and I need to call in some favors. Marissa is alive." With that hanging Sandy got dressed and went downstairs.

Kirsten sat up in bed stunned. Going back to sleep was impossible, so she decided to go downstairs and see if she could help Sandy. It was going to be a long night, and they would need lots of coffee.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Melissa had been pacing her house in Richmond for the last hour and it was still only 7 a.m. She had decided to spring her surprise visit on Ryan and Nate this morning. At least she told herself it was a professional visit. In truth, all she wanted to do was talk to Ryan and ask him some questions. Her dream of the night before had been played like a movie in her mind as she had sat up for the rest of the night. She thought that her subconscious had placed the first man she had been attracted to into her personal nightmare. The only way she was going to find out was to talk to him, and it had to be face to face. 'Sooner rather than later' she thought to herself as she grabbed her keys and walked out the door.

Ryan had been up all night working on his laptop researching. He had pulled up every single piece of information on the crash eight years earlier and printed what he thought was most relevant. Now he just had to wait for Sandy to get back to him.

It was now almost 7:30 a.m. and he needed more coffee. He was sure Nate would be sleeping for a while longer, so he proceed downstairs to put some more coffee on. As he got to the bottom of the stairs, the doorbell rang. He thought it must be Sandy coming to deliver the information he had asked for so he didn't think twice about opening the door in just his pajama pants and a white wifebeater shirt.

He swung the door open, excited to hear what Sandy had found out, except it wasn't Sandy. There stood Melissa or Marissa…Marissa, definitely Marissa.

"Hey, uh, this is a surprise." He said a little embarrassed. "Uh, Nate's still asleep so there's not much to observe at the moment, and I thought we were doing dinner."

"Um, yeah," Melissa said nervously. "I actually wanted to clarify a couple of things and I pass right by here on my way to work so I thought I'd just stop by, but I see you're really not ready to receive visitors so I'll just..." She shuffled her feet and indicated towards her car trying not to look Ryan in the eye.

Ryan sensed something about her demeanor this morning. "It's fine, did you want to come in for some coffee?"

"No, it's ok, actually, I just have one question, and it may seem to not be relevant, but I like my file to be as complete as possible." She knew she was rambling. "I just need to know the name of the girl who died in the car accident." There she'd said it. Now she could breathe again.

Ryan stood in his doorway looking at her trying to edit quickly in his brain what he was going to say. This is not how he wanted to do this with her. He needed more time, more information.

"Uh, I, uh, yeah, that doesn't really seem to be relevant. I just uh…" he stumbled

"Yeah, ya know what, forget it. I don't need it, I shouldn't have come." Her voice trailed off and she turned and ran toward her car.

In a split second Ryan decided that he had to do this now or the moment was gone.

"MARISSA!!!" he shouted after her.

Melissa stopped dead and turned around. "What did you say?" Tears were forming and she thought she wouldn't be able to talk with the lump in her throat.

Ryan walked down his front steps towards her in his bare feet. He stood facing her and took her hands gently in his. "Marissa was her name, Marissa Cooper, and I think you and I need to talk. Come inside. Please?"

Melissa nodded and smiled weakly as she processed what she had just been told. That was the name in her dream. She allowed Ryan to lead her by the hand into his house.

When they got inside Ryan led her to the living room to sit on the big couch. She seemed frail all of a sudden and all he wanted to do was take care of her.

"I'll get you some coffee" he said turning toward the kitchen.

"Thanks." She said when Ryan returned with a steaming hot cup of coffee. "Mmm, perfect. You made it just how I like it." She smiled as she finished her first sip.

"Well, that's what I need to talk to you about" started Ryan hesitantly "and I'm getting a vibe this morning, that you might actually have some idea about what I'm gonna tell you, so I'm just going to come out with it, and then you can ask me anything you want, or hit me, or leave, whatever you want. Just let me get it all out first 'cos I'm not a huge talker. Ok?" He smiled and gave her a look that only a man looking at the woman he adores can give.

It didn't go unnoticed by Melissa, and it made her feel a little uncomfortable, but if Ryan could put some pieces of her life together for her, she wasn't going anywhere.

"Go ahead, I'm listening." She said quietly.

"Ok, here goes. The girl from the car accident, her name was…is…Marissa Cooper and I was…am in love with her. I always have been, since the first moment I saw her, and when she died in my arms at that car accident I didn't tell her. We weren't together then, so it seemed wrong. But that is something I have regretted every day for the last eight years, and has really stopped me from allowing myself to really love anyone else, including my recently ex-fiancee."

Ryan stopped for a moment and took a breath. Tears were running down Melissa's face, but there were no sounds coming from her. They had been sitting sideways on the couch facing each other. Ryan now reached out and took her hand again.

"I believe with all my heart that you are Marissa. From the moment I heard your voice on the phone I thought you were her, and then when I saw you, there's no question. You sound like her, you look like her, you even have a scar on your temple where she hurt her head in the accident, and I want to do everything I can to help you remember who you really are."

Melissa pulled her hand away uncomfortably. What he was saying rang true with her and explained her dream, but it was incredibly overwhelming to have someone she, for all intents, had just met, profess their undying love for her.

"Ryan, I don't know what to say. I mean, I know who I really am. I'm me, whether it's Melissa or Marissa, I am who I have made myself over the last eight years, and you don't know anything about that me." She wiped the tears from under her eyes and got up to walk around.

"But some of what you don't know, I'm going to tell you now, and I'd like it if you could help me make the puzzle pieces fit. I only just met you, so I can't tell you that I've loved you since I first saw you, but I can tell you that I felt a connection as soon as I saw you yesterday, and you have made me dream like I haven't dreamed for years." She smiled and sat down again.

"Eight years ago, I was in a car accident…in Riverside. I hurt my head…" she reached to touch her scar "and I lost my memory. With the help of my mom, and my Aunt Julie," Ryan raised an eyebrow " I gradually remembered the people around me, but never really recovered any memory from before the accident, and I never really felt connected to my mom again after that. My Aunt Julie was my rock until she got tired of me, and I've been on my own ever since, building my life and my future and not dwelling on the past."

"Marissa…" Ryan started.

"Please, don't call me that, at least, not yet. Let me finish. I used to have a dream about the accident, but it was in flashes and made no sense to me at all. I hadn't had the dream for years until last night, and this time in my dream, I heard voices and I was talking. Although, I didn't see any faces, there were two things that stood out. I screamed your name, and I heard your voice calling Marissa over and over."

Ryan smiled weakly and went to reach for her hand again. Marissa began to pull away, but then just let her hand rest in his.

"Last night" she continued "I thought that I was crushing on you so hard that you had superimposed yourself into my dream, but I couldn't explain, Marissa. I remembered the story you'd told me about your…er…friend in the crash and things started to make sense in my muddied mind. As I read your file and remembered my dream, the two seemed to fuse together, and that's why I came here this morning. I had to know the name of the girl."

"Marissa," Ryan couldn't continue to call her Melissa. "I don't know how things came to be like this, but I have a pretty good idea. My dad, well, Sandy, you remember I spoke about him yesterday has been doing some leg work for me and he should be able to help you remember more. If you want, I can show you some stuff I have now that might help you?"

"Ryan, it's 8 o'clock in the morning, how much legwork can he have done?"

"Uh, I called him at 2 a.m. and we've both pretty much been up ever since. I lost you once, I wasn't going to risk it again." As soon as the last words came out of this mouth, he wanted to take them back. Marissa was obviously overwhelmed and confused and looked extremely uncomfortable after those words. Luckily, the uncomfortable silence was broken by the doorbell ringing again.

Ryan got up and went to open the door. He barely had a chance to get it open when Sandy came striding in with Kirsten following close behind carrying a bag of bagels.

"Hey kid," Sandy seemed quite hyper, "we dropped off Sophie at school, and picked up bagels, and now we can get…" Sandy stopped in mid-sentence as he saw Marissa sitting in the living room. "Oh my god" was all he could find to say.

"Sandy, Kirsten, this is or was Melissa Hooper, Nate's social worker. Melissa, uh, Marissa meet Sandy and Kirsten Cohen, long time neighbors of yours in Newport Beach and best friends to your parents." Ryan deliberately omitted the name of Marissa's parents. He wanted to see what Sandy had before he dropped that bomb on Marissa.

"Hi" said Marissa sweetly "I heard a lot about you from Ryan yesterday during our meeting."

"Oh my god, sweetie" Kirsten couldn't control herself any longer. She strode up to Marissa and gave her a long tight hug. Marissa did not return the hug at first but it was so genuine and intense that she couldn't help it. Slowly she felt Melissa Hooper slipping away from her.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

After the initial shock for Sandy and Kirsten, the four of them had decided that a break from the intensity of the situation was in order. Ryan had put on another pot of coffee, and Sandy had taught Marissa the art of the cream cheese 'schmear' on a bagel. Sandy, Kirsten and Ryan had all smiled ironically realizing this was not the first time Sandy had shown this to Marissa. They had all tried to have a carefree conversation about the weather, the Forty-Niners, the Raiders, anything to alleviate the tension a little. They knew there was work to be done, but the sleep-deprived foursome had all appreciated the coffee and food.

During their breakfast Nate had woken up and come downstairs. He was shocked to find Ms. Hooper in the kitchen and a little uncomfortable to meet Sandy and Kirsten. Marissa had been able to put her professional hat on briefly to observe Nate's interaction with Ryan. They seemed so comfortable together, and Sandy and Kirsten were just so easy going and friendly, she wished she'd had parents like them. They had all told Nate that 'Melissa' was there to observe as a surprise visit. Kirsten had offered to take him shopping so the others could sort out the 'legal details' of the guardianship transfer. None of them liked the idea of lying to him, but thought it best not to burden him with what was really going on.

After Kirsten and Nate left, the remaining three went back to the living room. Sandy had a file folder full of faxed documents and Ryan had a stack of papers that he had printed from the internet and some pictures.

"Are you sure you're ready to do this now?" Ryan asked Marissa warmly.

"If not now, then when?" she replied. "I think I need to hear what you and Sandy have to tell me."

Sandy opened his file and then looked at Ryan. "I think we should start slow with what you have," he said cautiously.

Ryan nodded, fully understanding what Sandy was implying.

"Ok," Ryan began. "Let's start easy." He pulled the pictures out that he had looked at the night before. "Here are some pictures of me and yo…Marissa when we were teenagers."

Marissa looked through the pictures taking in all the detail. When she came to the one in the Tiki Hut she blushed slightly and smiled at Ryan.

"Uh, perhaps that was a bit too much, too soon." He smirked connecting with her gaze.

"Maybe, you guys should do this without me." Sandy interjected, winking at Ryan playfully.

"No, no, it's fine" she said moving on the graduation picture. "Who are these people?"

"That's Seth and Summer. Seth is Sandy and Kirsten's son and Summer is…was…your best friend." He had now given up trying to separate Melissa from Marissa. "They got married just over a year ago and their expecting their first child now. You and Summer used to do everything together, especially tanning and shopping."

"So they were high-school sweethearts like you and…" Marissa looked down embarrassed and then caught Ryan staring at her "you and me?" she finished after a long pause.

"Yep, except, they had slightly fewer breakups and reconciliations than we did." He chuckled.

"So we had a bit of drama in our relationship, did we?" she flirted.

Sandy squirmed a bit again. "I'm gonna get some more coffee, while you guys do all this mushy stuff. Call me back in when you need me." He was smiling widely and patted Ryan on the back as he got up.

Ryan's eyes followed Sandy out of the room and then he turned to Marissa.

"Marissa, we don't have to do this if you don't want to. I'm not trying to make you fall in love with me again right now. I just thought it might inspire some memories." Ryan was serious and sincere in his tone.

Marissa chuckled. "Well, I did tell you that I was crushing hard on you after I met you yesterday, so who knows, you might just get lucky and have Melissa fall for you as well as Marissa." She was flirting again, and thought briefly of how it was probably inappropriate, but it seemed so natural to her, she only wished that the pictures had evoked some sort of memory for her, but they hadn't.

"Ok, moving on." Ryan said taking Marissa's lead in lightening the mood. "Next I printed some articles off the internet with details of the crash and how it happened. I haven't given you any background on who, or how or why. My bias on this could be very damaging and you need to put this part together by yourself." He handed her the different articles from the local papers.

Marissa sat cross-legged on the floor reading intently through each one, going back a couple of times to re-read or look at the pictures that had been printed with the articles. She read one particular article about four times and then stopped to look at Ryan who was sitting in front of her leaning back on his arms. He had been staring at her the whole time she was reading, still trying to take in that his Marissa was sitting right in front of him.

The article she had been reading was one that reported on the arrest of Kevin Volchok, the driver of the other vehicle that had caused the accident.

"So the guy was caught and arrested, but not until six months later." She stated

"Yeah, he fled to Mexico after the accident. Seth and I tried to find him down there. Seth actually spoke to him and told him he should turn himself in, but ultimately it was Sandy who got him to do that and brokered the deal for him." Ryan deliberately omitted any mention of him wanting to kill Volchok or that they had found him because of a private investigator that Julie had hired.

"Um, it doesn't say here why he ran you, I mean us, off the road." Ryan had noticed she was now talking as if she was Marissa.

"Yeah, well, you had dated Volchok for a while and then broke up with him for making out with another girl at the senior prom. He wanted you back, and wanted me out of the picture, so he followed us when I was taking you to the airport."

"Airport? Oh yeah, I remember yesterday you saying that …" she paused and stressed the next pronoun "_I _was leaving to go to Greece to seem my dad."

"Why did you take me? I mean, you said we weren't together anymore. Why not my mom, or the Cohens or Summer even, if she was my best friend." Marissa was probing for clues as to where things had been left between them at the point she lost her memory.

"Well, I'd asked if I could since you were the first person I met in Newport, I wanted to be the last one you said goodbye to, and we had finally become friends, I guess." Ryan paused and then leaned forward to look into Marissa's eyes searching for any sign of recollection.

He choked on the lump in his throat as he remembered their final farewell. "As it turned out, I _was_ the last one because of the accident. I held you and I wanted to go get help, but you wouldn't let me leave you, and all I wanted to do was tell you that I loved you and everything was going to be all right and…" he stopped realizing that he was now leaning so far forward to her he was a matter of inches from her face.

"And what?" Marissa said softly looking from his eyes to his lips and back again. Even though she still remembered nothing other than what she had seen in her dream, she felt the undeniable chemistry between them, and started to lean in closer.

"And I wanted to do this…" Ryan brought their faces so close there noses touched. Their lips had barely come together when there was a crash in the kitchen. It jolted them apart.

"I'm okayee" yelled Sandy. "I just dropped my cup in the sink and it smashed."

"S'all right" Ryan yelled back moving away from Marissa who was looking up at the ceiling awkwardly. Their eyes met again for a second and each seemed to know what the other was thinking. Without any words being spoken, Marissa nodded her head.

"Uh, Sandy, I think we're ready to see what you've got now" said Ryan and Sandy appeared in the doorway from the kitchen. "I'm just gonna go throw some proper clothes on quickly." He added quickly getting up and running upstairs.

In their moment, Ryan had become painfully aware that he was still wearing his baggy pajama pants and needed to put on something more 'restrictive' like jeans. If there was any doubt before that this was Marissa, there was now absolutely none. No one else had ever been able to make him react with barely a kiss.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

"Why don't we sit at the table for this" suggested Sandy "there's a lot of information for you to take in Marissa."

The three of them sat at the kitchen table and Sandy laid the file on the table. All three stared at it before Sandy spoke again.

"Marissa, this file is in no way complete. This is all I could gather from calling in favors all over Newport Beach and through the police department and D.A.'s office. Obviously, it was done overnight so resources were limited, but I think I've gathered enough to give you an idea of what happened here." He paused and reached to touch Marissa's hand. "All I can say kiddo is that Ryan and Kirsten and I are here for you whatever you decide to do with this information. There's really no easy way to do this so I guess you just have to read it all."

Sandy slid the entire file over to Marissa. She opened it and began to read. Sandy and Ryan sat in silence watching Marissa as she read paper after paper. Ryan read each page after Marissa was finished with it.

When Ryan had called Sandy in the middle of the night he had rambled his theory in three minutes flat. His request at the end had been that Sandy contact anyone he knew on the hospital board, in the various police departments and anywhere else he could think of that could provide information as quickly as possible.

Ryan had hypothesized to Sandy that this was a cover up that took money and influence and could probably be uncovered fairly easily if the source of the money and influence were known. There was only one person who would or could be involved in such a scheme. Julie Cooper.

With that to go on Sandy had been able to feign knowledge of the cover up to gain information from the hospital. He had called the current president of the hospital's Board of Directors who had been merely a board member 8 years earlier, at 3 a.m. in morning. Posing as Julie Cooper's attorney and mentioning the 'incident' with her daughter had then gained him access to the any records pertaining to that. What that had revealed was an unbelievable story of the lengths a mother would go to for her child. Good or bad.

Now Marissa was reading the results of Sandy's investigation. She was learning that her mother was her aunt and her aunt was her mother. She was learning that her mother had found it necessary for some reason to change her name and take her away from all the things that could have helped her regain her memory. She was learning that everything she had believed to be true for the last eight years and even pieces of her life before the accident were a lie, and Ryan was learning the details as well.

Aside from the hospital and name change documents in the file, Sandy had included the police report of the accident and the court records from Volchok's arrest and incarceration. Marissa sat in shock as she finished the file.

Ryan finished reading and looked at Sandy. "That bitch!" he said out loud. "How can I possibly face her without wanting to choke her?" He got up and left the table.

"Where are you going?" asked Sandy.

"To call Julie and fire her ass!" said Ryan.

"Wait, you know Aunt Julie, I mean, my mom?" Marissa pleaded through tears.

"Yeah, she's my partner at ATCO. You would have met her yesterday, if she hadn't ducked out to some client meeting at the last minute. Once I saw you and knew it was you, that kind of got me thinking that maybe she knew something. She acted kinda weird when I mentioned your name, but I never imagined the depths she went to. I can't possibly work with her anymore." Ryan was out of breath and passionate with his anger, as he always was with anything that concerned Marissa.

"Don't call her, I want to see her." Marissa said quietly.

"You WHAT?" Ryan said surprisingly loudly.

"I want to see her. I want to see my 'Aunt Julie" and have her explain to you and me why she did this to me…to us." She smiled at Ryan and turned to Sandy. "I don't want her to know that we know anything about this. I mean, she obviously suspected something, but could you maybe go to her office and tell her that Ryan wants her to come to dinner tonight. A family gathering to welcome Nate. Everyone should be there. I want to meet Seth and Summer and I have a plan."

Marissa filled Sandy and Ryan in on her plan and they both agreed that it would both force Julie into a confession of why and would serve as a small act of retribution for what she had done. The plan was to put Julie into an alternate universe where Marissa had never gone away and was a part of everyone's lives. It was crazy and risky for Marissa, but it could serve two purposes. Firstly, she hoped it would shock Julie into explaining why she did what she did, and secondly, it could help her remember.

"Okay, I'm going to talk to Julie. I'll fill Seth and Summer in on what's been going on. Summer will likely want to come over early. Either that or she'll go into labor" Sandy chuckled "and I'll ask Kirsten to keep Nate away until dinner and try to explain the situation. Marissa, you should call your office and asked to be removed from Nate's case, but not before recommending Ryan as an ideal foster parent" he smiled "but you are now in a conflict of interest." Sandy walked out the door waving leaving Ryan and Marissa to further discuss 'the plan'.

"You know, I feel kind of weird" said Marissa after Sandy had left. "I still don't actually remember anything, but I feel like we are connected and I feel like I could trust Sandy with anything and I've really known him only a matter of hours."

"That's because you can" Ryan commented. "He's always had a soft spot for you. He and Kirsten promised your dad they'd look out for you when he left."

"Oh my god." Marissa suddenly broke down and started crying uncontrollably. "I hadn't even thought about my dad. I don't remember him and Cindy and Julie never talked about him. I want to remember. I want to remember my mom, my dad, Summer, Seth, you, us, and I can't." She buried her head in her hands and sobbed.

Ryan moved next to her and pulled up a chair beside her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into to his chest.

"It's going to be ok, Marissa. I promise you. Julie is going to fill in the blanks tonight, and maybe you will start to remember." He kissed her forehead as a sign of comfort and she lifted her head to look at him. She wiped the tears from her eyes and gazed into his.

"I think we should practice for tonight" she said suddenly with a smile and pressed her lips to his. Ryan responded immediately deepening the kiss and slipping his tongue into her mouth. Marissa pulled away and stood up looking at him seductively. She took his hand and led him towards the stairs. Ryan followed until he realized what she was doing.

"Marissa, stop." He said pulling her hand back before she started up the stairs.

"What? It's what you want, _and _what I want. History or no history, I was attracted to you the second I saw you." She was crying again and pleading with him.

"As much as I want to do this, and believe me, I do, this isn't right. I want it to be when you remember and when it's not an emotional reaction to what you're going through right now." Ryan cupped her face in his hands and kissed her gently on the lips. "We have some work to do if tonight is going to work, don't you think?"

Marissa smiled and nodded knowing that Ryan was right. They spent the rest of the day preparing for the evening to come. They worked in the kitchen preparing food telling each other everything about their lives for the past eight years. They laughed and joked and got to know the people that they were in the present without reliving the baggage from the past. If this plan didn't help Marissa regain her memory, that afternoon would be the building block to a new future.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

"Yeah, yeah, ok, I'll do that, and we'll be there. Bye Dad." Seth hung up his phone and turned to his wife. Summer had a puzzled expression on her face after listening to one side of the conversation Seth had just had with his father.

"So? What's going on?" she asked anxiously.

"Uh yeah, honey I need you to sit down and I need you to calm down." Seth spoke calmly and evenly.

"COHEN!!! Stop with the molly coddling bullshit and tell me what's going on!!" Summer was anything but calm.

"Now, you see, this is not how I need you to be, Summer." Seth was pacing back and forth stroking his chin wondering how he was going to break this news to his wife without putting her into labor.

"You know for a writer, you're pretty pathetic with words." She chastised

"Ok, here goes, let's start slow. Ryan and Taylor broke up and she moved out yesterday." Seth paused for a reaction.

"Hmmm, well, we both knew they weren't really suited for each other and better they find out now than after they were married. Did it have anything to do with that kid Ryan's taking in? And don't tell me this is the big news. This is not labor inducing news, Cohen." She was staring at him as he paced back and forth, occasionally running a hand through his curly brown locks.

"Uh, no, nothing to do with the kid, really, although that might have been the catalyst…but er, it turns out that the social worker sent to check up on Ryan was kinda familiar." He paused again.

"So who was it? Someone he knew from Berkeley? Or Chino?" Summer was getting tired of the guessing games. "Spit it out, Cohen!"

"Yeah, uh, no and no, but it was Marissa" Seth had said it so blunt and matter-of-factly that it hardly registered with Summer at first. She sat for a few seconds trying to process what her husband had just told her.

"Coop is alive?" she finally said quietly tears welling in her eyes. "And she never called me in all these years? Oh, I'm gonna kick her ass! She made me have Taylor Townsend for a maid of honor!!" Her voice was getting louder and Seth could see her blood pressure rising as she moved into full blown sobs and screams of incoherent threats against Marissa.

"Uh, Summer, honey, this is not the part to go rage blackout on me. There's more, and please breathe." He imitated breathing exercises for giving birth. "I'm serious, this is a potential labor inducer coming."

"Ew, don't say that, please." The mention of labor seemed to bring Summer back from the brink of a complete breakdown. She wiped her eyes and took several long, slow, deep breaths and waited for her husband to continue.

"Marissa survived the accident, but lost her memory. She remembers no one, not Ryan, not me or you, or Mom or Dad. She even thinks Julie is her aunt." Seth was trying to relay the main points of what Sandy had told him without going into all the details immediately. "She's been going by the name Melissa Hooper and by some fluke she ended up as Ryan's social worker. He's been working with her this morning to try and help her remember."

"Whoa, so this is all since yesterday? Since when did Atwood work so fast where Coop was concerned? It's always taken him a great deal of brooding before going with a plan of action where she was concerned. I can't believe she's alive, when can I see her?" Seth was surprised by her sudden calmness and worried that she was not processing everything, and the worst was yet to come.

"Yeah, about that, this is the last part so remember, breathe….hoo…hoo." Summer rolled her eyes, and then gave the look that said 'speak!'

"Well, it turns out one person did know she was alive, and helped to manufacture this whole new life…"

"Julie" Summer finished herself. She knew. There had been times during the first couple of years after the accident that she and Julie had bonded over their common grief, but there had also been times when Summer had felt that there was something Julie was holding back or just didn't seem right. It all seemed to make sense now. Julie said she went to the grave everyday, but there were times when Summer had gone and the flowers weren't fresh, but Julie always said she had 'talked to Marissa' for hours and she had sounded so genuine. Apparently, she had spoken to Marissa…in the hospital.

"Yeah, how did you know?...Wait, did you know?" Seth had lost his train of thought with Summer's interruption and was now processing alternate theories in his head. He was really big on conspiracy theories and this would be the king of all of them. He was jolted out of his diversion by his wife thumping him.

"Cohen, you can be such an asshat sometimes! Of course, I didn't know, but who else would go to such lengths to keep Coop and Atwood apart. She thinks Ryan's all right now, but back then, she pretty much blamed him for all the drama in Marissa's life. So, you were about to tell me when I can see her." Summer was processing so many emotions she wasn't sure if she should be happy and laughing that her friend was alive, or hysterical and angry that she'd lost all this time.

"Yeah, she's at Ryan's house right now. He's been filling her in on the past eight years and they have a plan to help her regain her memory and call Julie on why she did this. They want us there for dinner tonight, and we can go early so you can see her and help with the plan, but remember, she won't know you, I mean she will, know you, because Ryan's told her now, but she won't, know you, know you."

"Cohen, you're babbling. Call Ryan, tell him we will be there in an hour. What plan?"

Seth moved to sit down beside her. "Are you done hitting me, now? Can we cuddle, and I can tell you the plan?"

Summer laughed and gave him a friendly slap. She slid up next to him and laid her head on his shoulder. "Tell me the plan, and then I want to see my best friend." Although she was laughing on the outside, on the inside, Summer was about as nervous as she'd ever been, including her wedding day, and the thought of giving birth. What if Coop wasn't Coop? What if she didn't like her now? What if she managed to kill Julie in a rage blackout and give birth at the same time? She nestled into her husband and listened to the plan. This would be interesting, she thought.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

"So I finally got her out of there, and she ended up puking in my dorm room. I've never touched a drop of alcohol since." Marissa laughed as she finished recounting a tale of saving one of her friends from college, who had had way too much to drink, from a particularly amorous basketball player, who wanted to share said friend with all his buddies.

"Wow, so you don't drink at all anymore?" Ryan was shocked. "That may actually work to our advantage tonight."

"Why?" asked Marissa hesitantly "Is there something wrong with me not drinking?"

"No, no, not at all, you and tequila had a bit of a rocky history, so it's good that you don't anymore. You don't remember anything about TJ?" Ryan was trying to find the balance between giving Marissa information she needed for the plan to be effective, but also not give Marissa false memories without her actually remembering.

"No, I don't. Should I?" Marissa was concerned.

"That's something I think you should remember on your own, and we won't go anywhere near it tonight. We'll stick with the mundane first kiss, first date, first time we…well, maybe we don't need to go there either." Ryan shifted nervously. "Maybe we should go over names again?"

Marissa smiled shyly watching Ryan as he squirmed. "Sure, we could do that, but I think I'm all right with the major ones. Sandy, Kirsten, Seth, Summer, Sophie, Julie, Jimmy, Caleb, Luke, Holly, Oliver, Johnny, Lindsey, I know I'm forgetting someone…" she thought for a moment "Oh...yeah, Volchok, how's that for selective memory?" she laughed ironically.

"Not bad" Ryan said nodding his head approvingly as he moved around the kitchen preparing food. "I need you to come here and chop this onion for me." Marissa moved to stand by Ryan at the island in his kitchen.

"What are you making anyway?"

"Chili con carne and quesadillas" he replied holding her waist as he moved past her to get to the refrigerator. The slight sensation of him rubbing against her had them both blushing and scrambling for things to say.

"Wow, that's a long way from mac and cheese and grilled cheese sandwiches" Marissa said non-chalantly.

Ryan slammed the refrigerator shut and spun around to stand face to face with Marissa.

"What did you say?" he was grasping her left arm with his right hand and staring intently into her sapphire eyes.

"Ryan, your holding too tight, what's the matter? I said something about mac and cheese and grilled cheese sandwiches, why?" Marissa's eyes darted back and forth across his face. His reaction had worried her.

"Marissa, those used to be the only two things we could make. It became like a little joke that neither of us could cook. Why did you choose those two things?"

"I don't know, they just came to me. I didn't even ……really…think…….about…it" She slowed the end of her sentence as she and Ryan came to the same realization. "Do you think my subconscious could be starting to kick in some of its own little surprises? That I could be starting to remember?" She was so excited at the thought that she might be remembering, she threw her arms around Ryan's neck to hug him in celebration.

Ryan was surprised by this, but slowly wrapped his arms around her back and hugged her tightly.

"It's possible" he said in her ear "in which case, tonight could really help you." He couldn't say much more as he took in the smell of her hair and the subtle scent of her perfume, both so familiar to him and finding it strange that she still used the same shampoo and perfume.

As they released slowly from their embrace, both wanted desperately to pull the other back into a passionate and earth-shattering kiss, but neither wanted to cross that boundary again just yet. The result was a rather awkward scene which somewhat resembled the two as magnets being repelled by each other. Marissa went back to chopping the onion and Ryan continued his rummaging through the fridge for the other ingredients he needed.

They worked without saying much more of anything for about fifteen minutes when the door bell rang. Ryan went to the front door while Marissa stayed in the kitchen. She could hear voices chatting and then one very loud voice.

"Ok, Atwood, enough already! Seth's bad enough as the doting father, I don't need Uncle Ryan treating me like I'm some fragile china doll now too. Just tell me where she is!!!" Summer was protesting Ryan and Seth's overprotective nature, but had managed to push past them to the kitchen.

"Oh my god" Summer had frozen in the doorway to the kitchen and was staring at Marissa. She could feel the tears welling up again. She hated how emotional her pregnancy had made her, but this was her best friend back from the dead! She let the tears fall and smiled and laughed not truly believing what she was seeing.

"Hi Summer" Marissa said shyly, she walked towards her and gave the small brunette a hug. As she did, she had a flash in her mind. "Purple" she said out loud.

"Purple?" all three of them said together as Ryan and Seth were now also in the kitchen.

"Purple." Marissa smiled and turned to Ryan "I hugged Summer and saw purple. Does that mean anything?"

"Mean anything?" Summer spoke up "Oh my god girlfriend, my whole damn room was purple in high school, and you spent A LOT of time there with me. Wow, here only a few minutes and already we're making progress." Summer was still wiping tears of joy from her eyes.

"And you must be Seth" Marissa said turning to the lanky, dark-haired man. "I guess we should hug too?" she stepped towards him.

"It's ok, I'm not much of a hugger, but great to see you." He waved uncomfortably then placed his hands in his pockets.

"Coop, let's go talk. We have a lot to catch up on." Summer grabbed Marissa's hand and dragged her into the living room. Marissa looked over her shoulder with a 'help me' smile to Ryan, who smiled back with a 'you'll be ok' look. Both noted that they were communicating without words like they had never been apart.

"So, didn't take long for you two to wanna get back in each others' pants did it?" Seth said with his usual tact after the girls had left.

"Seth, we're virtual strangers. I met her yesterday and she had no idea who I am, what we had or anything. I think we're gonna just try and be friends for now." Ryan leaned on the island in the kitchen. "Do you think I should grill some burgers too?" he asked trying to dodge Seth's next remarks.

"Ok, Ryan, this is your brother and your friend you are talking to. First of all, when were you and Marissa Cooper ever friends? You kept trying, but it never happened. Even at graduation, it would have surprised no one if you guys had got back together. Your so called 'friend' phases were just little hiatuses between you guys wanting to see each other naked, so don't give me the 'friends for now' speech. I'd even bet you guys either have done the nasty, or come very close already." Seth smiled and nodded at Ryan trying to glean the information he was looking for. "Oh and secondly, whether she remembers who you are or not, she's got the hots for you anyway."

"Seth…I don't even know what to say to that. Right now all I want to do is help her. That's what I've always done for Marissa is help her." He hadn't realized that he had raised his voice and the girls had come back into the kitchen.

"It's fine." Ryan said curtly brushing past them all to go out the front door. He went to his car and seemed to be rummaging through it. The other three watched him for a moment when Marissa spoke up.

"I'll go see if he's ok" she said walking out after Ryan. When she got to him he was lighting a rather bent cigarette that he had found in a pack stashed away in his car. He had always been a closet smoker in stressful situations.

Ryan took a long drag from his cigarette and blew the smoke into the air. He saw Marissa coming out of the house. He turned and shook his head, scoffing in mock disbelief.

"You and me on a driveway again. Seems like it's same shit, different day." He took another drag and walked away from her.

"Ryan, what happened with Seth? This is not the Ryan that has been helping me all day. Who ARE you right now?" Marissa stared at Ryan as he burst out laughing. She did not understand what was happening to him.

"See same shit, different day and you have no idea what I'm talking about." He put his cigarette in his mouth and looked at her sideways.

"Whoever, you want me to be" He said in his best James Dean leaving Marissa with an even more puzzled look on her face.

"Is that supposed to mean something to me?" She said raising her voice in sheer frustration. "You're the one who's brought all this on me, telling me I'm someone that you've loved all these years, wanting YOUR Marissa back, and now you fly off the handle about something Seth said and you won't tell me. I'd be just as happy to go back to being plain old boring Melissa Hooper. I was happy with no drama in my life, happy to be blissfully unaware of this other life. So you, Mr. I've-Got-To-Save-The-World-And-Every-Stray-In-It, can take your big plan and shove it up your ass, I don't want to do this." Marissa had her arms folded and was crying again.

Ryan tossed his cigarette away and put his hands on his hips chuckling to himself. This is what had been missing from his life all these years. Random arguments about nothing in particular, blown completely out of proportion. It made him realize why he had been upset with Seth. All of a sudden it became real again. It was all like before. He was getting ready to save Marissa…again. All the guilt he felt about not being able to save her in the car accident was crashing down on him now he had a chance to save her again. Ryan stepped closer to Marissa and folded his arms around her while her arms were still folded. She rested her head on his shoulder as he spoke.

"I'm sorry. Seth just gave me a bit of a reality check and a lot of things just hit me all at once. The last thing I want to do is take it out on you, but this…this is what WE do. We fight and we make up, we fight again and make up AGAIN." He pulled away from her and stood holding her arms gently. "It's a vicious cycle that we get caught in every time, and I was hoping we would have a chance to change that this time." His tone softened as Marissa smiled at him. "I said earlier that I wanted this to be right, and even though you're still not remembering yet, it feels so right it's scary. I guess Seth pointed that out to me and it freaked me out a bit. I mean, forty eight hours ago, I was a guy getting married in a few weeks. Now, I'm not getting married, I'm taking on a teenage boy, and I'm playing Ryan the Rescuer to Marissa Cooper once again."

Marissa stepped closer to Ryan, cupped his neck with her hands and kissed him hard on the mouth. A series of images flashed in her mind as Ryan deepened the kiss.

"A ferris wheel. A party on a boat. A New Years Eve Party?" she questioned as she pulled away. "I saw them as we were kissing. I saw me and you kissing."

"All places we had pretty mind-blowing kisses." Ryan smiled as he held his hands around her waist. "Oh, and this big plan…it was yours, not mine, but it seems to be working. I think we should invoke some more memories." He pulled her closer and kissed her again, exploring her mouth with his tongue. When they separated and turned to go back to the house, they noticed the audience they had had for their whole discussion. Seth and Summer were standing in the doorway with their arms around each other. Each had the same look on their face. The look that said 'awwww'.

"Ryan," whispered Marissa before they got back to the house "this _is _real. I'm not pretending anything, memory or not." They smiled at each other as they walked with their arms around each other back to the house.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Ok, this is a super long chapter. It's taken me over a week to get it where I'm semi-happy with it. Hope you like. R/R as always.**

**Thanks to Yarrie, Rosaa, J7chick18 and Chrismukkah112 for their continued reviews, and thanks to everyone else who's left comments. The reviews keep me going.**

**Chapter 24**

"Honey!!! We're going to be late." Sandy called to Kirsten.

"I'm coming, just give me a second." Kirsten replied from the bathroom.

Sandy turned to Nate. "Are sure you'll be ok? I know this isn't how you envisioned your first couple of days with Ryan. We just need to get this out of the way and then he can really focus on you."

"I'll be fine" replied Nate reassuringly. "I'm glad you told me what's going on though, and I want to help Ryan like he's helping me. I think it's kind of cool that Ryan and Ms. Hooper know each other. I mean, Marissa, I guess." He'd had a wonderful day with Kirsten and couldn't believe all the new clothes and shoes she'd bought him. She'd also bought him an iPod, but told him not to tell Sandy. He really appreciated how lucky he was to have been brought into this family.

Sandy patted Nate on the back and looked toward the bathroom. "It is a mystery to me what women do in there! HONEY!!! THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST IS CALLING!"

Kirsten appeared from the bathroom. "Sandy, be nice. We don't know Julie's side of the story yet."

Kirsten walked out the front door and turned to look at Sandy. "Sorry, I was just talking to Sophie while I was getting ready. She's excited to be staying at Tiffany's house tonight. Well, are you coming? We're going to be late, you know." She winked at Nate and walked to the car. Sandy rolled his eyes as he followed her out the door.

On the drive over to Ryan's, Sandy and Kirsten spent the most of their time in comfortable silence. Nate sat in his own world listening to the iPod Kirsten had bought him that day. As they turned onto Ryan's street, Kirsten turned to Sandy with a concerned look.

"Sandy, are we doing the right thing?" She asked earnestly.

"Is doing what the right thing, honey?"

"I mean ambushing Julie like this. I mean, why didn't we just pull her aside and say 'what the hell were you thinking' instead of going through this elaborate charade? It's just I worry about Ryan."

"You always worry about Ryan, honey. He's a big boy now." Sandy smiled as they pulled up at Ryan's house.

"Well, I know, but the whole Taylor break up is still so fresh, and taking on Nate, and now Marissa. I mean we both know that their history is not the most calming of relationships. I worry about them pretending to be a couple, and the feelings getting all mixed up and he'll end up with a broken heart again. It took him six months to get over her death, if he ever really did get over it. Now, she's alive again, if things go wrong, we may lose him forever." They were now on Ryan's doorstep. Nate took the iPod out of his ears.

"Honey, I love you for being the worrying mom that you are, but seeing them working together today, I think they're going to be ok." Sandy reached for the doorbell.

Ryan and Marissa opened the door together. "Hey" they said together. "Uh, we're just practicing being the perfect couple" added Marissa.

"So we'll be observing you two closely" chimed in Ryan. "C'mon in." Ryan hugged Kirsten and shook Sandy's hand. Nate waved at Marissa.

"Hi, Ms. Hooper" he said innocently.

"Hi Nate" she answered "but it's Marissa now, ok? I know this is confusing for you."

Nate walked a little uncomfortably to the kitchen. He was glad to be included in this family gathering, but it still felt strange since he hardly knew anyone. Kirsten then hugged Marissa, followed by Sandy.

"Valentines" said Marissa as she broke with Sandy's embrace.

"Valentines?" Sandy and Kirsten questioned together.

"Yep, Valentines." Marissa was smiling broadly.

Ryan came to Marissa's side quickly. "Another one?" he said stroking her hair.

Marissa bit her lip, nodded and smiled shyly. "Uh huh, I saw Sandy at a Valentines Party, there was red and hearts everywhere. He was talking to me, and I was crying."

"You're remembering?" asked Sandy.

"Little bits here and there as I come in contact with people. I guess my dream last night opened something up in my brain. I don't know why it didn't happen earlier with you Sandy, but it really started when Summer and Seth arrived. I hugged her and saw purple, and when I ki…, uh when Ryan, I mean…it's been happening fairly frequently over the last couple of hours. The four of us have spent a good part of the afternoon talking about old times, and as they talked I would see flash images and describe the scene. I've been able to do it almost every time." She was so pleased with herself and Ryan was so pleased for her that he pulled her head to his and kissed her forehead.

Sandy and Kirsten exchanged glances, hers saying 'you better talk to him' and his saying 'calm down, honey, I will'. As the gathering in the hallway broke, Sandy put his arm around Ryan and guided him away from where the girls were going.

"So, you guys all set for this tonight? It won't be too tough on you pretending to be a happily together couple with a whole life behind you?" Sandy was fishing, there was no question that a change had occurred between Ryan and Marissa since he'd left them earlier in the day.

"Yeah, we're all set, and with her remembering some things, it'll be even better."

"Ryan, just be careful with this, please. Playing with Marissa's mind and memories to get to the truth is one thing, but you guys are playing with each others' hearts when you don't really know each other. Too far, too fast, could be devastating to both of you on a number of levels, and you've got Nate to think about now. Maybe this should be left to a professional." Sandy finished with his trademark 'level with me, 'cos you can't fool me' look.

"Sandy, we're good, I promise. Yes, we have been…um, reconnecting, I guess you would say, but we just want to pull this off to show Julie is all. How is Nate anyway?" he asked quickly changing the subject. "I feel terrible, I was supposed to spend the day with him and get his school organized, and I've hardly spoken to him. I'll go talk to him in sec to catch up on today."

"Ah Ryan, he's fine. He's a good kid, just like you were, at least on the inside anyway" he joked. "I don't think Nate will cause you half the grief that you did us in the first months you were with us. For a start, he doesn't strike me as the punching type." They both laughed and headed to the kitchen where everyone else had gathered around the food that the four had finished preparing together while they had reminisced about the past.

Ryan had still been adamant at not providing full detail in their stories. They had talked about kick-off carnivals, and the various Newport parties that they had been to during high school. After their argument on the driveway, Ryan had told Marissa how they met, and how they had almost replayed the scene that afternoon. He also filled her in on their first kiss on the Ferris wheel, and their first date at the party on Caleb's boat. They had talked more about the other people they had known, and Seth and Summer had provided their perspective on Ryan and Marissa's relationship.

As they had talked, Marissa had continued to have images flash in her head that corresponded with what they were talking about. Ryan had been the one to make sure that Marissa was filling in the blanks herself. He knew that Julie had filled in all the blanks for her after the accident and created an imaginary past. He wanted to make sure Marissa remembered everything on her own terms with her own memories.

Once everyone gathered in the kitchen, Ryan asked them if he could say a few words. Not normally one for being vocal or stringing too many words together at once, he was nervous, but wanted the evening to work for Marissa more than anything.

"I want to thank everyone for doing this. I know it's weird and the strangest of circumstances, especially for you, Nate" he pointed to the boy and smiled "but we are here to help an old friend who we lost a long time ago. No one is happier than me that we found her again." Marissa smiled shyly through her bangs. "We know that Julie was probably doing what she felt was best for Marissa at the time, but we also know that Julie wouldn't admit to anything unless she was backed into it….SO…the plan is to pretend that Marissa was never gone from our lives, that all is as it should have been. Marissa and I are happily living together…Seth if you mention anything about a wedding, or make any sex jokes, I will kill you…and this is a celebration to welcome Nate to our family, which by the way is genuine. I couldn't be happier to have the people closest to me here to welcome Nate, despite the odd circumstances. I…" he put his arm around Marissa "_we_ hope this will prompt Julie to come clean about what happened eight years ago, and in the process, help Marissa remember…more than she already has today. Thanks everyone for doing this."

"Wow, somebody get that man a drink…and a dictionary" Seth blurted out while applauding Ryan's speech. "Seriously dude, you need to quench your thirst and stock up on words, you must be running way low. You just said more words than I've heard you say total in the twelve years I've known you. OW" Summer punched him in the arm, and everyone else burst into laughter.

"Seth never lets the Cohens down with his uncanny ability to make a joke out of the most inappropriate situation." Sandy explained to Nate.

The jocularity was interrupted by the doorbell and the room fell silent. Marissa became visibly nervous which did not go unnoticed by Ryan. He took her hand and kissed it.

"You'll be fine, game face on, babe" he whispered to her. "Sandy, could you get the door? I think Marissa and I should be together when Julie comes in."

"Sure, sure" Sandy said as he moved to the door

"Ok, everyone, just chat about anything and try to act as natural as possible." Ryan pleaded with the gathering.

Summer was the first to break the ice and just in time. "Oh my god, Coop, you have got come shopping with me. This baby does not have nearly enough stuff yet, but there's nowhere around here as good as South Coast Plaza." Summer was trying to throw references to the past in to help Marissa remember.

Sandy walked in with Julie behind him who froze in the doorway to the kitchen at the sight she saw before her.

"Sure, Sum" Marissa said using Summer's old nickname. Ryan, Seth and Summer exchange rapid glances as none of them had mentioned this in their talk this afternoon. "I'll just take Ryan's credit card and spoil the child rotten." She laughed wrapping her arms around Ryan's waist and snuggling in tight. "Oh, hi, Mom" she added as a second thought as she let go of Ryan and walked to Julie to kiss her on the cheek. As she backed away, her and Julie's eyes met and in that second Marissa had a cascade of memory flashes hit her, as the blanks started to fill in. It was as if looking at Julie for the first time as her mother had opened the floodgates.

Suddenly, all the conversations she had had with Ryan, Seth and Summer made sense, There was a movie playing in her mind. Her life was literally flashing before her eyes.

_A series of snapshots of herself from a little girl to a teenager flashed through her mind._

The memories were flooding in too much for her brain to cope with.

"Marissa? Marissa, are you ok?" Ryan could see her growing paler by the second.

_She was floating in a world of darkness with mini movies floating around her._

_A driveway. "Who are you?" she said. "Whoever you want me to be" he said._

_A nightclub. A tall blonde guy kissing a short blonde girl. Luke and Holly._

_Pills. Tequilla. Darkness. His strong arms around her._

_A ferris wheel. "I want to make this work, no matter what" he said "if we ever get down from here we can talk about it."_

"_Who knows when that will be" she said_

"_Please don't say that"_

"_You need something to take your mind off it"_

_His lips were warm and soft, his tongue so talented in her mouth._

_A boat. Another party. Julie. Caleb?_

"_I think I'm ready for our first date" she said_

"_I think we're way past that now" he said leaning in to kiss her,_

_Poolhouse. "Best date ever" she said._

"_I love you" she said_

"_Thank you" he said_

_music_

_**Nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and swear your loves for me. **_

_Confetti. Celebrating. There he is._

_They were spinning and kissing. It felt like there was nobody else in the room._

"_I love you" he said_

"_Thank you" she said_

_Flashes and flashes. Summer. Julie. Ryan. Dad. Alex. Happy. Sad. Excited. Depressed. _

_Poolhouse. Dancing._

_Music_

_**Forever young, I want to be forever young.**_

_**Do you really want to live forever?**_

_The beach. Tiki hut._

"_We've done a lot, but not this" he said_

_They fall to the ground bodies entangled._

_Tears. "It's hard to believe after all we've been through there's nothing left to say"_

_Smells. Smoke. Beer. Sweat._

_Trailer. Raw. Volchok._

_Model home. Swimming pool. Laughter. Sadness._

_She was a passenger in a large vehicle , there was a boy driving with no face. Wait. A face. Ryan. _

_Lights flashing behind them. They were being chased. The car was bumped and bumped again , and again. _

_Scared, screaming. "Ryan, look out!!"_

_Upside down. Gasoline. Heat._

"_I'm gonna get help" he said_

"_No, stay, don't leave" she said_

"_Marissa, Marissa, MARISSA, no, no," he said_

_Darkness._

Ryan had rushed to Marissa as he saw her fainting and managed to catch her before she hit the ground. Julie stood stoic and emotionless as if in a state of shock staring at Marissa's motionless body.

"Oh my god" she said, snapping out of her trance. "What is going on here? Where did you find Marissa?" It seemed in a split second, she had pulled the façade down and was going to pretend that she didn't know Marissa was alive. She rushed to her side where Ryan was cradling her on the floor. "Marissa? Marissa, honey? Where have you been? Are you ok? Wake up, sweetie, please. I can't lose you again." The voice was crying, but there were no tears.

"Julie, you are some piece of work" it was Sandy confronting her "and that's worthy of an Oscar." He shook his head in disgust.

"Um, Nate, Seth, Summer, I suggest we go out on the patio and eat some of this food, while things are settled in here." Kirsten shooed them all outside with her arms open like she was herding cattle.

Ryan held Marissa stroking her face. "Wake up, Marissa. Come back to me" he whispered.

"What _are_ you talking about Sandy?" Julie asked innocently. "I can't believe my daughter is here, I'm in shock, I think I need a drink."

"There'll be no drinking until you explain yourself." He replied condescendingly.

"What is there to explain? I need to see if she's all right. I'm just so overwhelmed." She looked up at Sandy and back to Marissa then covered her face with her hands as if to say 'I can't handle this, somebody help _me_'.

"Right, 'cos it's all about you, isn't it Julie." Ryan had joined the conversation and was ready to face Julie head on. Marissa started to wake and stir in Ryan's arms.

"She's waking up" y, she just fainted. I guess it's kind of stressful seeing your mother walk-in when you've thought she was your AUNT for the last eight years."

"Ryan, I'm sure I don't…I mean, I'm just as surprised as you that Marissa is alive." Ryan knew Julie would do this if they confronted her directly and he was disappointed that their plan hadn't really got off the ground.

"JULIE!!! CUT THE CRAP!!! WE KNOW EVERYTHING!" he screamed. "The only thing we don't know is why." He added more calmly.

"I'm going to join the others and leave you three to chat" offered Sandy and walked out to the patio.

"Start talking." Ryan said bitterly when Sandy had left.

"Yeah, Mom, start talking" Marissa had come to and was laying in Ryan's arms listening to the whole conversation. She tried to sit up.

"Marissa, you need to lie down." Ryan urged "I'm sorry we put you through this"

"No, I'm fine. It just all hit me at once. I remember. It was like I dreamed the lost years, it was overwhelming, but I remember, and I remember _you._" She kissed him softly on the lips.

"Oh great" Julie spoke with total disgust in her voice. "This is what I didn't want. This is why I did it. Your life had become so full of drama and angst and problems, I saw the opportunity to free you from all that. We hadn't had the greatest relationship as mother and daughter and I thought if I could reinvent our relationship and take all your problems away, I would." She looked at Ryan as if to insinuate he represented all of Marissa's problems in the past.

"And in the process, you still abandoned me and left me with Aunt Cindy. There's a model parent. What part of both of you abandoning me three years ago did you think was healthy for me? Or made you a better mother? What part of not knowing I had a sister or a little brother, ANY kind of family did you think was good for me?" Marissa was yelling and crying at the same time. Ryan still had his arm around her and squeezed to comfort her as she buried her head in his shoulder.

"Julie, I think you should go" Ryan said rubbing Marissa's back in comfort.

"I think we should talk" Julie said firmly. "I want to explain. I need to explain."

"Marissa? Honey? Can we talk? Please?" Julie was begging and now crying genuine tears. Marissa shook her head and turned away unable to form any words.

She turned to Ryan. "Ryan you can't do this. You can't take my daughter from me twice." Julie spat the words at him.

"You did that all by yourself, Julie. Now get out. IF Marissa wants to talk to you, we'll call." Julie turned and left, slamming the front door behind her.

"Glad to see the plan worked so well" it was Seth poking his head in the patio doors once he heard it was quiet.

"Cohen, you really need to brush up on your diplomacy and tact." Summer chastised her husband as she walked to Marissa who Ryan was helping her up.

Sandy, Kirsten and Nate followed. When Ryan saw Nate, he felt a sense of responsibility come over him. He turned to Marissa who was now standing next to Summer who had a comforting arm around her.

"You ok?" he whispered holding her face in his cupped hands.

"Yeah, I just need to sleep. I'm so tired I feel like I haven't slept for years."

"Ok, Summer, can Marissa stay with you tonight? I think I need to spend some time with Nate without any…" he chuckled "drama. I'll come and pick you up tomorrow", he said turning to Marissa. "Rest tonight and try to get some sleep. I lo….look forward to you remembering more." He had almost said those three little words, without even thinking about it. 'Way too soon' he thought.

"Sure she can. We'll have a sleepover like old times, Coop! Atwood, you just have to try and take on one save-someone-from-themselves project at a time. Less complications. C'mon Cohen, we're leaving! Coop, we'll wait for you in the car."

Marissa nodded as Seth was dragged out the door bewildered. "Can I at least take the quesadillas? I did help make them…and I'd hate to see good food go to waste. There are starving children in Africa, ya know."

"Then we'll send them the quesadillas" Summer could be heard saying as they walked out the door.

Ryan brought Marissa into a hug and squeezed her tight. He kissed her gently on the lips. "It didn't go quite as we planned, but we achieved the intended result." He laughed uncomfortably.

"Yeah, I guess we did. I'm gonna go. I think it's best I stay at Summer's tonight anyway. Less distractions." She smiled seductively and left to catch up with Seth and Summer.

Ryan stood alone in the kitchen for a moment looking toward the front door where Marissa had just left, wanting nothing more than to run after her and hold her.

"Hey, everything all right" Sandy's voice had made Ryan jump.

"Yeah, Marissa's gone with Seth and Summer. I think she just needs to rest, and I need to spend some time with Nate. It's been a pretty crazy couple of days." Ryan ran a hand through his sandy-blonde hair.

"Did I hear my name?" Nate came in from the back yard, followed by Kirsten.

"We'll leave you two alone" said Kirsten. "I know you'll call if you need anything."

"Yeah" said Ryan, kissing her cheek. "Thanks for today, Kirsten. I owe you."

"I'll tell you how much when the credit card bill comes" chuckled Sandy.

"Night guys." Ryan waved as they walked out the door.

"Yeah, thanks Mrs. C." said Nate as the door closed.

"Ok" Ryan turned to Nate "I think it's time we logged some quality Nate/Ryan time, but you can't tell Seth, he's very insecure that way" he laughed.

"Yeah, I can kinda see that. Could we play Playstation? I feel the need to practice my saber, and maybe you could tell me more about you and Chino, and about you and Ms. Hoo. Marissa."

"Sure we can" replied Ryan, "first lets grab a bowl of chili and some cold quesadillas. Our dinner never got off the ground and I'm starving."

Ryan and Nate spent the rest of the evening playing, talking and getting to know each other more. Despite the crazy events of the evening, both felt a sense of calm with each other, and for a brief time that evening, they were just two guys hanging out. Both tried to savor the experience that evening as they knew there would be more turmoil to come.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

The ride home from Ryan's in Seth & Summer's car was quiet. Marissa leaned her head back in the backseat and watched out the window as the streets passed by. As the car pulled into the driveway, Marissa came to a startling realization that she was in her own neighborhood by the water in Richmond.

"It's not a McMansion, but it's home" said Seth as they got out of the car.

"It's not much different from mine" commented Marissa. "I live round the corner on Piedmont Place. I should have just taken my car and gone home."

"Ok, first of all Coop, I can't believe we were this close and never ran into each other" said Summer as she unlocked the door. "Secondly, Chino would have my ass…make that Cohen's ass since I'm pregnant…if we didn't look after you tonight."

"Yeah, and the reason you're here instead of staying with him is that he'd be too tempted to jump your bones, especially with Nate around…" Summer glared at Seth with his comment "…you…know…young ears…and stuff…well, I'm gonna go upstairs and watch TV…leave you guys to catch up." Seth pierced his lips making a popping sound and took off upstairs.

"Ew, Cohen! Just ignore him, Coop. He's always been kind of obsessed with yours and Ryan's sex life. It's kinda creepy really. You want some tea? It will help you sleep."

"Uh, yeah, sure. Um, I'm still fuzzy on a lot things. I'm hoping that sleep will clear things up a bit more. It's like I see things in little movies of specific moments, but any background information is still missing unless we've talked about it. A lot of what I'm remembering I still can't put into context."

"It's pretty scary, huh? I can't imagine what you're going through right now. I'm just happy you're back. It wasn't good without you, for any of us, but especially Ryan."

"Yeah, and that's the scariest part for me. I mean, he looks at me and sees the girl he was in love with in high school. I felt the connection even before I knew who he was, or who I was, and now every minute I spent with him today, it just got stronger. I just don't know if we should be diving into this so quickly. Then there's his whole ex-fiancee thing. I mean he split up with her yesterday! I can't remember anything about Taylor at the moment, but I know she must have meant something to him. All I know is that since the accident, I've felt like there was something missing, and I don't just mean memories, I mean really something missing making me feel empty. After I met Ryan in his office, before I knew any of this, for the first time in eight years, I didn't feel empty." Marissa wiped a tear from her eye and smiled weakly at Summer.

"Taylor, yeah, she was special to him. She saved him from himself after you 'died'. I would venture to say that with Taylor it was comfort and gratitude disguised as love." Summer finished making the tea for Marissa and they went to sit at the kitchen table. "But everything else pretty much sums up you and Ryan in a nutshell. I mean from what you've heard today and what you're now remembering, you must have gathered that you and Chino, not the most stable relationship on the planet. There were times that I threatened Seth with god knows what not to mess with bringing you guys back together during one of your separations, because then it seemed that separately you were great people that I loved, but as soon as you got together, disaster struck."

"Sum, that is my biggest fear. I've been remembering pieces of conversations we must have had in the past, and they were always about Ryan and I fighting or someone else in the picture. Why should I believe it would be any different now? I'm starting over, creating Marissa Cooper again. Ryan Atwood and Marissa Cooper didn't work before. Why would it work now?"

"Coop, despite everything I just said, there is one thing that I could be sure of. In the times you two were apart, neither of you worked. Your other relationships, your lives in general. As much drama, and there was _so _much drama, when you were together, it was worse when you were apart. And the main thing you have going for you this time, is that neither of you are the same people you were in high school. You've both grown and added life experiences…in your case, a whole fictionally created life by Julie, but it was still your life." Summer yawned. "Junior had me up at 5 a.m. and probably will again tomorrow, so I should go to bed. The guest room is the first door on the right at the top of the stairs. Will you be ok? I'll sit up if you want me to."

"No, no, please, you need your sleep, and I didn't get too much last night either. I'll come up with you now." Marissa paused before starting up the stairs. "Summer, thank you, not just for tonight. After all, you totally kick started this memoryfest when I saw purple." She leaned over to hug Summer.

"You're totally welcome, Coop. I just can't believe you're here, and know that I'm always here…no seriously, I am, I never go anywhere any more." She laughed. "You sleep tight and I'll see you in the morning."

Marissa went into the guest room and Summer into her room to find Seth asleep in the bed with the TV on. He stirred as she got into bed.

"Is everything ok?" he said seriously. "I got the feeling that you guys were going to get into a pretty intense conversation."

"Umm…yeah…I guess. She's a little freaked out over Ryan and whether they can work, and honestly, Seth, I'm worried too."

Seth sat up. "Whoa, it must be serious, you called me Seth."

Summer glared at him signaling this was serious. "It's like high school all over again. You know what it's like when those two are together. They're like this totally intense fire burning with passion, and then somebody throws a box of fireworks and some gasoline on it. Not good."

"Ok, sweetie, first of all, did anybody say they _were _together? And second of all, don't stress what you can't control. If it's like high school again, then what we have to do is let _them _work it out. Just like then."

"Oh yeah, that's _so _what you do Cohen. Remember the pep rally bonfire in junior year? You didn't interfere at all there did you? Hmm?"

"So _MAYBE_ I pushed them a little bit, but it wasn't a bad thing… for a while at least…until…ah, I see your point, but it only emphasizes mine, that this time, we really should leave them to figure it out for themselves. Now go to sleep, kickoff for Junior is in less than six hours. I love you."

"I love you too" Summer replied thoughtfully as she turned her light off and lay awake. This wasn't going to be easy on anybody, she thought.

In the guest room, Marissa lay awake. As tired as she was, she could not fall asleep. She wanted to fall asleep, to dream again, to remember more, but the harder she tried, the more awake she was. At about 3 a.m., she decided it was no longer worth trying, so she quietly got dressed and slipped out of the house.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

"What do you mean she's not there, Seth?" Ryan asked after taking a phone call at 8 a.m. on Saturday morning.

"Hey man, I don't know what to tell you. We've been up since about 6. Summer went to check on Marissa a few minutes ago and take her some coffee and she's not there." Seth hadn't wanted to make this phone call.

"Well, did she leave a note or anything?" Ryan was frantic.

"No, no, nothing. But look, Summer said that she said she lives right around the corner from us, so maybe she just went home. I can go check if you want. I'll get the address from Directory Assistance." Seth offered.

"No, wait for me. I'm coming over now. I'll be there in fifteen minutes." Ryan hung up without saying goodbye and went upstairs to see Nate.

Ryan found Nate still fast asleep so he wrote a note telling him he was going out on some errands and instructions to call when he woke up. They'd had a great night the night before, but Ryan couldn't help feeling that he might not be ready to take on this kind of responsibility. He had to get his priorities straight, but for the moment all he could think about was Marissa.

Ryan made it to Seth's in just over ten minutes thanks mostly to hitting eighty miles an hour on the freeway. He had been calling Marissa's cell continually since he left but there was no answer. Seth and Summer were waiting on their driveway when he pulled up.

"Hey Ryan, maybe you should just give her some time" said Summer as Ryan got out of the car. "She was pretty freaked out about last night and you and remembering."

"What did she say, Summer?" Ryan was speaking in the breathless voice he always used when he was worried.

"Um, well, that it was all so intense, that she felt a connection with you before she knew who you or she was. That she worried that you've only been broken up with Taylor for like five minutes. That you guys would end up being on again, off again, on again…you know like in high school. She was really worried that you would want the Marissa from back then, and she wasn't that person anymore…and"

"What's the address?" Ryan cut Summer off.

"Ryan, man, she may not even be there. She's not answering her phone. I'd say that's a pretty good indication that she doesn't want to talk to anyone right now." Seth put a hand on Ryan's shoulder to calm him.

"Seth, I'm not waiting. I need to talk to her. Now, please, give me the address. I at least want to see if she's there."

"275 Piedmont Place. Up Washington, 2 lefts and a right and you're there." Seth said in resignation. He knew there was no way to stop Ryan.

"Thanks" Ryan was back in the car in a flash and on his way. Seth put a comforting arm around Summer as they watched him go.

Ryan pulled into Marissa's driveway a minute later. Her car was still at his house, so that was no indication of whether she was home. He walked around looking in any of the windows he could and saw no sign of her. He went back to the front door and rang the doorbell, then banged on the door, then rang the doorbell again. Nothing.

An elderly lady appeared on the doorstep of the house next door and stared as Ryan continued banging on the door.

"If you're looking for Melissa, she's gone, dearie" the lady said with a kind smile.

"Gone? Did she say where she was going? How could she go, she doesn't have her car." Ryan was firing questions quickly.

"Oh, I know dearie, she told me about her car breaking down. She borrowed mine. I never use it anymore, and of course I've got my friend Eleanor who comes to take me to the store on Mondays and…"

"Did she say where she was going?" Ryan interrupted rudely.

"Oh, uh, no not really, just that she was going south. She just said she would be gone a few days and to expect her back Tuesday or Wednesday. Ooh, perhaps I shouldn't be telling you all this. She deals with some not-very-nice people in her job. You're not one of them are you?" the old lady suddenly became very guarded.

"No, no, well, it's complicated. Look, here's my card. If you hear from her, please call me. She's not picking up on her cell right now. I'm an old friend. I just wanted to …talk…to…her." Ryan had put his hands on his hips and hung his head. "Thank you for letting me know" he added turning back to his car.

Ryan did not want to go back to Seth and Summer's and face a myriad of questions. Instead, he left Marissa's and got right back on the freeway to go home to Nate. On the way back he called Seth's cell phone.

"Hey, where are you?" Seth answered with concern.

"I'm heading back home, she's not there. I'll talk to you later." Ryan closed his phone as soon as he'd said what he needed to say.

"Wow, yeah…..oooooo……k" was all Seth could say to the beeps that indicated Ryan had hung up.

It was still only 9:30 by the time Ryan got back home. Nate was just coming down the stairs.

"Hey" said Ryan. "Just getting up?"

"Hey, uh, yeah, I just got your note, where'd you go?" Nate was still kind of drowsy.

"Oh, I, er just had to run some errands" he lied. "So, what do you want to do today? You wanna maybe go burn my credit card a bit, since apparently Kirsten set hers on fire yesterday". A diversion, that's what he needed.

Single Ryan with no responsibilities would have gassed up the car and started the 7 hour drive to Southern California by now, not even knowing where to look for her. Single Ryan responsible for a fourteen year old boy needed to realign his priorities and leave Marissa to do whatever it was she needed to do, but it was killing him.

"Nah, we don't have to, I mean Mrs. Cohen really went nuts. I didn't get a chance to show you what she got me. There's like jeans and shirts and sneakers, she even bought me a suit and dress shoes and stuff. She said something about it being 'required attire in the Cohen-Atwood clan'." Ryan smiled remembering the endless formal events he attended with the Cohens as a teenager. "Oh yeah, and she bought me an iPod, but Mr. Cohen's not allowed to know about that. She even let me use her computer to load some songs onto it. Anyways, I figured since I got pretty much what I needed that we could just hang out again today. I kinda thought that Ms. Hoop…I mean Marissa would be coming over today. You guys seem to get along really well." So much for the diversion, Ryan thought.

"Yeah, well, Marissa's gone away for a few days, so it's just you and me kid. Rematch?" he said, pointing to the Playstation.

"Sure, but you don't sound like you're really into doing much at all. You really like her, huh? Nate had caught Ryan's tone of disappointment when he'd said Marissa had gone away.

"Yeah, I really like her, but it's complicated. I mean with her not really remembering everything, just bits and pieces and…" he stopped realizing he was about to get into a heavy duty discussion about his relationship with Marissa with a teenage boy. "It's just complicated, let's leave it at that."

"I know what it's like to have someone you really like leave you, it sucks" said Nate making Ryan chuckle at the simplicity of the truth.

"From the mouths of babes…" Ryan mumbled. "You an expert on girls are you" he said smirking at Nate.

"Well, no not really. I mean there was this one girl, Christina, she lived in the apartment next door to us. She was the same age as me and we were in the same classes in middle school in eighth grade. She was really cute and we hung out all the time, and I loved spending time with her."

"Sounds like it was pretty serious" said Ryan inviting Nate to open up more.

"Yeah, it was. I mean, oh man, I can't believe I'm telling you this…we actually spent the night together a few times and …you know. Her mom was gone all night a lot so I'd stay with her so she wasn't scared. It worked when my mom locked me out, 'cos I had somewhere to stay." Nate was blushing a little from his little confession.

"That's cool that you found someone that important to you. I was about your age too, and it was the girl next door. Her name was Theresa, but I didn't stick with just her. I was a bit of a stud in my day" he pulled the collar on his shirt up in mockery of himself. "But that doesn't mean I wasn't careful…well most of the time…, and I hope you were too ALL of the time."

Nate laughed. "Yeah we were, and no, I couldn't do that to Christina. I loved her and I told her that, and she said she loved me too."

"Wow, love's a pretty strong emotion for someone so young" Ryan thought about his own issues with that particular emotion and even saying the word.

"Yeah, maybe, but I knew that I didn't want to be with anyone else and I could only see myself with her, and we even talked about running away together and getting married as soon as we were old enough. We figured anything was better than what we were dealing with at home and at least we'd have each other."

Ryan was in awe of the wisdom and maturity in such a young boy. He had a better handle on his emotions than Ryan did at almost twice his age.

"So what happened to Christina? You're talking like it's all in the past tense."

"Her mom OD'd about three months ago and she was taken into foster care. I haven't heard from her since and I don't know where she is. I was kinda working up to asking Ms. Hoop…shit…sorry…shoot…I can't get used to calling her Marissa, anyway I wanted her to go through the system and help me find her, but I guess that won't be happening now either." Nate was fidgeting with the controller even though they weren't actually playing a game.

"Well, I'm sure Marissa will be back soon, and even though she can't work on your case any more because of me, she could probably still help you find Christina." Ryan placed a hand on Nate's shoulder and squeezed in consolation, they were more alike than he would care to admit.

"I hope so, so what's the real deal with you two anyway? I mean, I got the Reader's Digest version from Mr. & Mrs. C. before the party. What happened?" Ryan laughed again. He really liked this kid.

"First of all, you know about Reader's Digest? Second of all, it's a long and sordid tale that you really don't want to hear." Ryan picked up the other controller and began to start the game.

"First of all, just 'cos I'm poor, doesn't mean I'm dumb."

"Touche" smirked Ryan.

"Second of all, I can do sordid, and I wanna know. I can tell you've got it bad for her, and she looked pretty into you last night, so tell me." Nate pushed the pause button on the game. Ryan was unable to avoid the issue.

"Well, I met her at the end of the Cohen's driveway my first night in Newport Beach. Sandy had to clear it with Kirsten before I could go in the house. Remember I told you about stealing the car and Sandy getting me out of juvy?"

Nate nodded. "So what happened?"

"Well, we had this real James Dean moment, kinda cheesy really. She said 'Who are you?' I guess meaning what was I doing there, and me being the smartass I am said 'whoever you want me to be'. I guess we just connected right there, it was weird." Ryan paused to look off into space. It made him smile just to remember that first night.

"She was so beautiful, and she asked me for a cigarette, and then…" Ryan paused.

"And then you totally made out with her, didn't you?" Nate was enjoying this.

"And then her boyfriend showed up to pick her up." Ryan replied rolling his eyes. "That pretty much set the stage for our whole relationship. The promise of something really special, only to be ruined by something, usually someone coming between us. We never really got it together enough to talk to each other about our problems, but we knew we loved each other even when we weren't together. It kinda ruined all our other relationships because the other one was always there in the back on our minds. I'm not gonna bore you with all the problems we had, but the biggest one was communication. You know what I said to her the first time she said 'I love you'….'thank you'."

"Wow, man, that's bad, even I know that!"

"Yeah, but I said it in the end, but never when I really should have, including when she supposedly died. I went through a really hard time because we were just becoming real friends after all the problems we'd had, and then she died in my arms ( I thought), and I didn't tell her that I loved her. The one time, I really should have, I didn't, and I blamed myself for everything. It took me months, and Taylor, to get over it, although, I guess I never really did. Taylor knew it. I knew it. We just never really spoke about it. You seeing a pattern here? If Seth could see me now, he'd ask if I'd swallowed another dictionary. I never talk this much."

"That's cool. I'm glad you can talk to me. It's my payback for you helping me. So where do you guys stand now she's alive again?"

"That's just it, I don't know. I mean, I thought we were connecting again. I mean, I think we were even before she knew who she was, but I'm not sure if I was imagining it because I wanted it so badly. Now she's gone, I don't know where or if she is coming back and it's all my fault again. Maybe I pushed to hard for her to remember more, maybe I should have nixed the hair brained scheme for confronting Julie. It was doomed to fail before it got off the ground. The one mistake I didn't want to make again was not telling her how I feel, and it looks like I blew that one too! Now she's gone. I went to her house this morning not on errands, and I spoke to one of her neighbors". Ryan had become quite animated in his analysis and it startled Nate at first. He paused thinking for a moment.

"Did you find out ANYTHING about where she went?" If he couldn't find Christina, Ryan should at least be able to find Marissa.

"I only know she went south." Ryan replied dejectedly.

"Well, what are her options south? Like Mexico?"

"I doubt it, one thing she did remember was the last time she was in Tijuana. Not pretty."

"Ok, so where else? Look at it from her point of view. If you had just found out you were missing a large chunk of your life, where would you go? Would you run away from everything, or run to it?" Nate had already thought where she might go, but wanted Ryan to say it.

"Nate, you're a genius. You should be a detective or something. I think I know where she is, but I can't go after her. What about you? And I don't know for sure where she is."

"Where else would she go but back to Newport to find her past? Oh yeah, and do you think Mrs. C. will let me put more tunes on my iPod when I go stay with them?" He smiled knowingly at Ryan.

"Kid, I cannot believe how wise you are for your age. If you're sure, I'll call Kirsten right now."

"Well, I've been pretty much taking care of myself since I was eight. I kinda had to grow up fast. Go get you lady, so she can help me find mine!" Nate laughed.

"Ulterior motives too? You're full of surprises." Ryan ran upstairs to pack a few things for him and Nate. Within an hour the situation had been explained to Sandy and Kirsten who willingly agreed to have Nate stay, and Kirsten had even agreed to arrange school for Nate on Monday if Ryan wasn't back.

With a ridiculously large packed lunch provided by Kirsten, Ryan was on his way back to Newport Beach.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Marissa wasn't sure what it was that had possessed her to walk out of Seth and Summer's the night before. She only knew she couldn't sleep even though she desperately wanted to. When she slept, she dreamed. When she dreamed she remembered.

She had lain in bed willing herself to remember without sleep, but the same images she had experienced before repeated themselves like a bad infomercial loop in her head. If sleep wouldn't come she needed something else to kick start the process. She was overcome with a drive deep within her to go on a quest to find her past. If she could remember all about her past, she could remember everything about him, and then she could go forward knowing there were no barriers between them.

Marissa had decided that this was something she had to do on her own even though Ryan would have been more than willing to help her. She had left without leaving a note or calling anyone. When she had called work on Friday and spoken to her supervisor and explained her situation, she had been given a two week leave of absence. Her supervisor had agreed to oversee Nate's case personally and had assured 'Melissa' that it would be handled fairly. .

So, at 3 a.m. she had finally given up hope of sleep and had come up with a solution. She would go home, pack a bag and drive to Riverside to speak to her mom or Aunt Cindy or whoever the hell she was. Once that was resolved, she would go one to Newport Beach and soak in everything there and she would remember and things would be perfect. The only obstacle that she had failed to consider was that her car was still at Ryan's. So at 6:30 she had gone banging on Mrs. Clayhorn's door and literally begged to borrow her car. She had told a sob story of her car breaking down and she was to meet some friends 'down south' for the weekend, and she couldn't miss it. The old lady had been happy to help. In the back of her mind, she wished Ryan had come with her, but every time she saw his name come up on the call display on her phone, she had fought the urge to answer. She was doing this on her own.

Marissa had been on the road by 7 a.m. and figured with bathroom and food stops, she would be in Riverside by sometime after 1 p.m. Of course, she had forgotten to take into account the never ending rush hour that occurred on the maze of freeways that looked like a pile of spaghetti around Los Angeles. By the time she had navigated that and found her way to the slightly calmer Riverside Freeway, it was almost 3 p.m.

It had been three years since she had been to Riverside. After graduating from college with a degree in Sociology she had come home to decide what she wanted to do. Her 'mom' and her and not really got along well after the accident. Her 'Aunt Julie' had been in touch sporadically while she was in college and so she had decided to move away, far away without leaving California, and San Francisco fit the bill. Things did not seem to have changed much and she hoped that Cindy had not moved.

Marissa exited the freeway at Madison and drove past the high school she had been told she went to in her imaginary past. She hung a right onto Potomac into the tightly packed houses of the lower middle class neighborhood. When she pulled up outside the house she sat in the car for a moment and thought about exactly what she was going to say, but then decided she would just go with the flow.

As she approached the door her stomach did flips, but she got there and banged on the door with authority. The door opened and the two women stood and stared at each other for several moments.

"Melissa, honey, oh my god, what are you doing here? You know, I've been meaning to get in tou…" the older woman began but was harshly interrupted.

"Cut the crap, Cindy" Marissa said as she pushed passed her and into the house "and the name's Marissa."

"Oh shit" was all Cindy could think of to say.

Marissa moved into the living room and sat on the couch. There was a cigarette burning in an overfilled ashtray and the distinct smell of stale beer pervaded the whole house.

"I see your living habits haven't changed much, _MOM_" there was a real sting of contempt in the emphasis of the last word.

"Marissa, look, sweetie, we did what we thought was best for you" she started.

"Oh please, spare me the, 'we only wanted what was best for you' bullshit. Maybe I could get over that, if YOU or JULIE had acted anything like a mother, but you just pretty much ignored me and my real mother just wanted to be my best friend, and NEITHER of you felt the need to find out how my life has been going these past three years. So…tell me, what was the REAL reason for this big charade? Julie sure as hell isn't going to tell me."

"Ok, ok, honey, look, you've obviously got some of your memory back from before the accident so you'll know now that your teenage years were not the most carefree, dramaless times of your life. Some really terrible things happened to you, and they all seemed to have at least something to do with that boy from Chino."

"Ryan? Is that what Julie said?"

"Yeah, your mom was never really pleased with you dating him. She'd grown to tolerate him and was really excited that you were going to spend some time with your dad in Greece. Then the accident happened and she saw how Ryan was with you. He thought you died in his arms and he was devastated…I mean like someone losing the love of their lives devastated. It was a quick decision she made in the ambulance not to tell anyone that you weren't dead, firstly because then she wasn't sure you were going to live. But she also thought she could protect you from what had caused the problems in the first place…in her eyes, Ryan."

"But she didn't know then that I had amnesia. What was she going to do, lock me up in an ivory tower?" Marissa spoke with more sarcasm than she suspected Seth could even muster.

"No, no honey. She was just going to send you to your dad's anyway. Everyone in Newport thought you were dead, so they wouldn't try to contact you, and she figured she could find enough reasons for you not to come back or contact anyone there. The fact that you didn't remember when you woke up, just kicked her into another level. She saw the opportunity to right all the wrongs in your life. No more drama, no more danger, no more bad memories of a youth that no one should have to remember, AND a chance to reinvent her relationship with you, which was never the best."

"Fine, but that doesn't explain why she has now ignored me for the past three years or why she's business partners with the very man she disapproved of so strongly for me. Were either of you ever going to tell me the truth?" the tears started to well in her eyes and her voice began to break.

"Well, as you know, she had Jamie with Ryan's father, Frank. Ryan tried to warn her about him, but she wouldn't listen. I guess the fact that he cared enough to warn her off his own father, and that he turned out to be right, made her realize, he wasn't a bad kid after all. By the time she figured it out and they had set up their business she didn't know how to bring you back without creating the fallout that's happening now. She called me last night you know after she left you. She was hysterical. She sounded like she'd been hitting the merlot pretty hard too. You're going to have to talk to her at some point Mariss."

"NO! I can't. I won't. I…I've got to go." She got up to leave.

"Look, honey, I can see you've had a long drive and you haven't slept, why don't you try to take a nap here before you go wherever it is you have to go. There's something in the attic I want to give you."

The last thing Marissa wanted to do was delay her quest but she was very tired so she followed Cindy upstairs and went into her old room. Surprisingly, she found it just as she had left it. Cindy went down the hall and pulled the ladder to the attic down from the hatch in the ceiling and ascended into the attic. When she returned she had a dusty box with her.

"It's not much, but we did keep some things that we knew were important to you." She handed Marissa the box. "Take your time and sleep."

"Thanks" Marissa said quietly. "Cindy? Please don't call Julie. There's still a lot I need to work out on my own."

"Ok, hon". Cindy left the room closing the door behind her.

Marissa sat on her bed and opened the box to her past. On top was a pile of photos of her, Ryan, Seth and Summer at various events or times they had spent together. They started to create flashed again for her. She saw them all sailing to Catalina and playing on the beach. She saw her and Summer sitting on her bed or Summer's bed talking, never hearing the conversations, but knowing they were typical best friend talks.

Marissa continued digging through the box and found her high school senior yearbooks. Yes, she had two. One said Harbor and one said Newport Union. As she flipped through the Newport Union one she saw a picture of a boy with dirty blonde shaggy hair holding a surfboard evoking a cascade of memories.

_Friends. Surfing. Laughing. Johnny._

_Hit by car. Watching movies. Confession of love._

_Cliff. Kaitlin. Ryan._

_Dead._

The tragic end to the memory jolted her out of it. She felt tired but wanted to see what else was in the box. She looked and found just what she needed to help her sleep. At the bottom of the box was a Share Bear. When she picked it up it seemed like it was an instant comfort to her. She curled up on the bed holding the stuffed toy and almost instantly fell asleep and began to dream. This time, Marissa dreamed it all, the good, the bad, the truly horrible. It all came back to her, names that had been given to her now had events associated with them. Oliver, Johnny, Theresa, Trey, Julie, Jimmy, Caleb, Ryan, Summer, Seth, Sandy, Kirsten, Alex, Lindsey, DJ.

When Marissa awoke it was almost 8 p.m. and she had a renewed energy to continue her journey into the past. She repacked the box Cindy had given her and hurriedly left without speaking to Cindy again. She was less than an hour away from Newport Beach and was anxious to finish her quest.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

It was close to 11 a.m. by the time Ryan finally got away from the Cohens, leaving Sandy and Kirsten not only with Nate, but also the task of actually speaking to Julie and telling them he would not be in the office for a few days. He could not bear the thought of saying anything to that woman at the moment. Her motives for what she had done were so transparent to him. She never approved of him back then. She had to keep Marissa away from him, but what a way to do it! And now they had made their peace why continue to keep it from him? He had a whole seven hours plus to think about this and Marissa, always Marissa.

It was almost 8 p.m. by the time he was looking at the familiar sites of Newport Beach. He'd sacrificed a bit of speed on the freeway for the beauty of the Pacific Coast Highway, knowing he would gain time in the end by not going through the LA traffic madness.

He wasn't sure where he was going to start looking for Marissa, but he did know that he was going to need somewhere to stay. Ryan pulled into the parking lot of the Mermaid Inn near the pier and checked in. He cringed a bit when he got up to the room and realized it was the same room he had been in with Theresa over a decade ago, and flinched even more at the thought that Theresa's son, at one time possibly his son, had to be eleven or maybe twelve, only two or three years younger than Nate. He was too tired from driving to bother asking to change rooms, it wasn't that big a deal to him. He threw his bag and jacket on the chair and collapsed on the bed falling asleep almost instantly.

Marissa arrived in Newport just before 9 and decided to go straight to the waterfront. Coming into Newport things had seemed familiar yet unfamiliar. It was like she knew where everything was but was seeing it for the first time. Just trying to figure out what she was feeling was quite dizzying so she decided to check into the Mermaid Inn since it was right by the beach and the pier and it would be a good place to start from in the morning. She brought her box of memories into her room with her, turned the television on, sat on the bed and continued to try to evoke memories from the box. The TV played to no one and Marissa didn't even realize that it was incredibly loud.

Ryan woke just after 9 to what sounded like a door slamming in the room next door and then a really loud TV. He could practically hear every word through the wall. With any further hope of sleep now dashed, he thought a walk might do him good. Besides, he thought, if Marissa had come down here, there were a few places around the beach area she might be. He grabbed his room key and headed off up the beach past the pier.

When he reached the lifeguard stand that Marissa had spent so much time at when they were teenagers, his heart started to beat a little faster. He almost expected her to be there waiting for him. His heart sank a little when he got there and realized she was not there. He walked around to the far side and up the ramp and slumped down in the spot where she always sat. The sound of the waves crashing and crisp ocean breeze lulled him into another sleep.

Back at the Mermaid Inn, Marissa was struggling to evoke any new memories from her box. She had finally realized the TV was excessively loud and turned it off. Becoming restless and now not very tired, she decided a walk on the beach would make her feel better, or at least give her some fresh air. She had had visions of a lifeguard stand in her memory flashes, and instinctively headed in its' direction without being entirely sure where it was. In her memory flashes, the lifeguard stand had always been a place where she could think, and where Ryan would inevitably find her. Whenever, Ryan appeared in her memories she was not sure if they were real or created by her desire to have him there. That was something she would eventually have to talk to him about and separate fantasy from reality.

As she approached the lifeguard stand, she felt a sense of comfort sweep over her, almost as she had when she picked up her Share Bear. Perhaps this would be the place to bring on more memories. As she rounded the stand to go up the ramp she noticed a figure already sitting there. As she got closer, her stomach did a flip. Was she dreaming? Was her mind willing her to see things in their real context now?

The sound of her walking up the ramp, roused Ryan out of his cat nap. As he saw her come up the ramp he stood and smiled at her.

"Hey" he said quietly.

"Hey" she replied shyly, looking down at the floor. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing" he said with a smirk.

"Yeah, I was gonna call you, but I just felt I had to do this on my own. You kept saying that I had to piece together the truth by myself, so I figured this was the best place to start. Back where it all began." She leaned back against the railing and hugged herself in a shiver.

"You cold?" Ryan asked

"Always" she answered softly. "So are you going to tell me why you're here?" she said looking up from her where her eyes had been counting the slats on the floor.

Ryan took the hoodie he was wearing off and wrapped it around her standing beside her leaning against the railing.

"Well, I've been feeling a little nostalgic myself for the last couple of days. A little trip down memory lane if you will" he said cheekily "aaand I felt this overwhelming urge to save one Marissa Cooper."

Marissa laughed. "I'm beyond saving I think."

"So can I take it that since you ended up here, you're remembering a lot more?" Ryan asked hopefully.

"I am. I went to Cindy's house first and she gave me a box with some stuff in it. I ended up falling asleep there with my Share Bear and I dreamed again. I filled in a lot of the blanks."

Ryan smiled at the mention of Share Bear. "You know, I was the only one who didn't have some sort of inanimate companion. I felt kinda left out sometimes."

"Ah yes, Captain Oats and Princess Sparkle. They signed my senior yearbook, did you know?" she giggled.

"Wow, you remember them too? You have been digging deep." Marissa shivered again and he instinctively put his arm around her shoulder and rubbed her arm to warm her up. "What else have you remembered? How much we fought?" he was trying to keep things light. He didn't want to remember a lot of what Marissa had gone through in the past, let alone have her remember it.

"Um, I've managed to put faces to the names in a lot of cases, and I remembered Johnny and what happened to him." So much for keeping it light, Ryan thought. "But it's weird, I've remembered some really sad things, but I remember without emotion. It's like I feel disconnected from it. But yeah, I have remembered a lot about us". Marissa turned to him and smiled, her blue eyes twinkling in the moonlight.

"I remembered more of the day at the model home before the accident actually." She continued. "I remembered the four of us just laughing and swimming and having a great time, and then us talking inside. My impression is that we were really trying to be friends without being 'Ryan and Marissa'."

"Yeah, pretty much. We never really were friends…I mean we were, but mostly the kind with benefits." He winked. "When we weren't together, it was difficult to be friends. Too many feelings. Too much history. And we always ended up finding each other again…just like now."

"Except, you found me this time." She said coyly and then changed her tone to become more serious. "Ryan, I'm not sure where we're at here."

"We're in Newport, Riss." He joked.

"I know." She countered rolling her eyes. "I mean 'we' as in 'us'. My memories are so jumbled at the moment, I don't even know if my memories of you are what they were or what I want them to be. I practically threw myself at you yesterday morning in your living room and you stopped me, but then we kind of grew close again. It's just all so confusing." She gazed into his ice blue eyes and saw a look in them that made her not care if she'd known him 10 years or 10 minutes.

"Let's break it down then." He said turning to face her directly. "You think I'm hot, right?" he smirked again. He didn't know why he felt the need to joke with her at a time like this..

"Ryan! Be serious please…" she slapped his chest playfully.

"Ok, I joke, but I'm kinda serious too. You said yourself you were crushing on me pretty hard during our meeting on Thursday. So, without knowing anything about me other than I'm a young semi-successful, upwardly mobile, good looking guy who drives a nice car, would you go out with me?"

"Of course I would, but that's not what you are, and there's this whole history that you remember and I don't remember it all, or at least don't know if I do and all I can hear in my head is that stupid quote." She was getting frustrated and exasperated.

"What quote?" Ryan sensed it was time to stop joking around with her.

" 'Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it'" she recited. "I feel like that's us. That I don't remember enough and that you so badly want that Marissa that we are doomed. I haven't learned who I am well enough, and you just haven't learned. Why would you want to put yourself through all this again?" Marissa had been able to remain calm through most of their banter, but now the tears had come and she was genuinely scared for the future.

"Hey, come here," Ryan said pulling her to him for a hug. He wrapped his left arm around her waist and used his left hand to pull her head to his shoulder. "You want to know why I want to do this again? I'll tell you. No holding back, no regrets, just the truth. I was never good at that before and most of the time, that's why we fought, but I'm going to do it now, and then you can decide if you want to take this journey by yourself, or if you want me there with you every step of the way. Deal?" he pushed her back from him gently and her hands in his.

Marissa stared into his eyes and nodded.

"When you 'died' a part of me died too. I believed that everything was my fault; that you had ended up with Volchok because I couldn't support you and how you were feeling about losing Johnny, that I couldn't keep us from going off the road, that I should have just pulled over, that if I'd told you I love you more things would never have gotten bad…ever, and most of all that if I had broken that friend zone we were trying so hard for at the end and told you that I never stopped loving you, that I could have saved your life."

He paused for a moment to catch his breath and let the lump in his throat settle.

"I forced myself to move on, along with everyone else as well, and for me, I think it happened too quickly. I never grieved your loss properly, just covered it with work and Taylor and in the process wasted 8 years of my and her life. I don't want to waste another second of my life not knowing if you and I could have made things work. It was all I could do not to sweep you up in my arms the day you walked into my office. I love you, Marissa. I always have, and I can't fight it any more. To hell with taking things slow, I'll do anything to help you remember everything and me and us. I've been spinning my wheels for eight years, I want to start moving again. But all it will take is for you to say you don't want me to be there when you take this journey, and I'll walk away. It will kill me, but I'll do it, for you."

Ryan finished his plea breathless. He could hardly believe that he had laid it all on the line. Ever since he knew Marissa was alive he had been holding himself back, telling himself it was in her best interests. Now he had pushed all that aside for his own interests and hoped that he had not pushed her away too. His eyes, as expressive as always, conveyed his hope to her.

Marissa stood looking from his eyes to their hands and back to his eyes as he spoke and when he was done, she locked her gaze on his eyes. In that moment, pulling all her jumbled memories together and combining them with the feelings she had when she thought they were strangers, she knew what she wanted.

Marissa threw her arms around Ryan's neck and brought their lips crashing together. The suddenness and intensity of the kiss surprised Ryan at first, but he quickly understood that she was giving him her answer. He moved his arms around her sliding his hands up and down her back, as his tongue pried her lips apart and began its assault on her tongue.

The few kisses they had shared in the last couple of days had been timid and almost comforting for both. Now it was furied and passionate as Marissa moved her hands to the back of his head and rubbed his hair pushing their lips together even harder as the kiss intensified.

Ryan tightened his grip on her and in one fluid motion lifted her off the ground and spun her to pin her against the wall of the lifeguard stand pressing himself against her. He slid his hands under the back of her shirt and began to explore her soft skin, reacquainting himself quickly with every curve. Marissa responded immediately with a familiarity that surprised her by breaking their lips and offering her neck for him. Their eyes met as Ryan moved his head to suck on that part of her neck that he knew drove her crazy. In that instant, they truly connected, speaking without words, doing a dance that had been choreographed long ago and never forgotten by either of them.

As Ryan continued exploring her body, brushing his fingers over her breasts, Marissa's hands found their way under the back of his shirt and around the inside of the waistband of his jeans. She slid them around his sides and grazed the top of his hardness that she could fell pressing against her. When she began to undo the button on his jeans, Ryan suddenly stopped.

"Wait." He said breathlessly stepping back

"What is it?" she asked letting go. "I thought this is what you wanted."

"Oh, believe me, it is" he moaned seductively. "We've…or I've just waited a really long time for this" he began to kiss her again between sentences "I think we can do a bit better than the old lifeguard stand" Marissa smiled wantonly and accepted another attack from his tongue.

"As much of a turn on as this is, there are things I want to do to you that are best kept behind closed doors" Marissa raised her eyebrow innocently "I'm at the motel down the beach…let's go" he grabbed her hand and started a dash down the beach.

"I am too" she yelled as they ran down the beach "your room or mine?"

"Yours" he said quickly remembering the room he was in.

They had run faster than either of them thought possible back to the motel and Marissa fumbled with her key to get the door open while Ryan stood behind her with his arms around her waist once again brushing the sensitive spot on her neck with his lips.

"Stop or I'll never get this open. You're distracting me" Marissa giggled as she finally got the key in the lock. Ryan spun her around and pressed his lips into hers. He skillfully reached for the key in the lock behind her, opening it and pushing her inside at the same time. Closing the door with his foot, all inhibitions were abandoned, both scrambling madly to get the others shirt off while losing only minimal contact with their lips.

Standing topless in front of each other, Ryan stopped to admire the beauty of her tanned skin and hard nipples, pulling Marissa tight into him, urging his tongue further into her mouth and pressing their bare skin together, feeling the firmness of her breasts against him. Marissa moaned into the kiss feeling herself throb with wont for him. She pushed back from him grabbing the front of his jeans.

"You gonna stop me this time?" she said coyly, starting to unbutton them.

"Hmm, lemme think about that…no" he said leaning in for another kiss and holding the top of her low rise jeans "you gonna stop _me_?"

"Not a chance, but me first" she said sitting down on the bed in front of him. She slowly undid his belt, button and zipper making sure to graze the tip of his erection with her fingertips as she did so, feeling the sticky sweet fluid already glistening on the top. Marissa slid his jeans down his legs as Ryan moaned in anticipation and obligingly stepped out of them. He was never sure where she had learned her skill and hoped that it was an innate ability that she had not lost. This was something she had always been exceptionally good at.

Marissa looked up at Ryan with eyes full of desire as she slid her hands back up his thighs to his boxers. Adeptly releasing his throbbing hard on from them, they soon joined his jeans on the floor. Taking him in her hands she slid her thumb and forefinger up and down the shaft before plunging it into her mouth, making Ryan groan out loud with pleasure.

"Holy shit!" he gasped watching her move back and forth. He ran his hands through her hair eventually pulling all the stray blonde strands back into a ponytail with his left hand to allow him unimpeded access of the exquisite view. Bending over slightly, he used his right hand to massage her left breast and playfully pinch the nipple between his fingers. Marissa moaned and quickened her pace.

There was something familiar about the situation to Marissa although she did not focus on specifics in the moment. She smiled to herself at the thought that she had probably done this many times before with Ryan as she felt him start to tense and push her head against him harder. He pushed her head back for their eyes to meet and silently asked her a question with his. Instinctively knowing what he was asking, she nodded, seemingly pushing him over the edge. Almost instantly she felt him jerk and the warm liquid slide down her throat as she sucked and swallowed the last drops out of him.

"Wow" Ryan said falling to his knees in front of her "that's a hard act to follow" he added catching his breath.

"Need a minute to reset your blood flow" she asked teasingly leaning in to kiss him softly on lips.

"Hell no" Ryan replied deepening the kiss once again urging his tongue into her mouth. Pulling away, he cupped both breasts in his hands and massaged them gently, then suddenly pushed her back on the bed with her legs still jean clad dangling over the bottom. Making quick work of the button and zip on her jeans, he grabbed the waist band of her jeans and her thong at her hips and started to pull them down. Marissa assisted by wiggling her hips a little to quicken the process.

Once divested of all remaining clothing, Ryan knelt in front of her admiring the beauty before him, planning his mode of attack. This was something he loved to do and he prided himself on his adeptness.

"Two, maybe three" he said licking his lips and smiling cheekily at her.

Marissa looked down the length of her body at him and giggled. "A bit full of yourself aren't you?"

"Actually not full of much anymore thanks to you" he winked starting to kiss up the inside of her thigh.

Marissa moaned and bucked her hips as she felt his lips move closer to _her_ lips. Taking her movements as an invitation, Ryan moved his arms underneath her legs at her knees and in one fluid motion pulled her right to the edge of the bed. Bringing his hands back in front, he gently parted her outer lips with his left thumb and forefinger and began to flick his tongue lightly over her pleasure button. She had tried to hold herself up on her elbows to watch him, but that one simple action had caused her to fall backwards arching her back in ecstasy, letting out a guttural groan.

Smiling to himself that Marissa's range of noises and movements had not changed, he used two fingers from his right hand to tease her opening then push in flick his fingertips back in a 'come here' motion instantly sending Marissa into waves of euphoria as she reached her first climax.

"Oh god!! How the fuck did you do that so quickly?" she asked, catching her breath.

"I haven't forgotten _anything_" he answered in a deep, husky voice "every single one of your erogenous zones is emblazoned in my brain." He punctuated the point by pressing his tongue deep into her sucking her juices.

"Whoa, ok hotshot." Marissa panted completely out of breath. "Enough with your ego and showing off, I want you_ NOW_"

"Your wish is my command, m'lady" Ryan responded, already hard enough again to fulfill her request, and reached for his wallet in his jeans.

"You don't need it" whispered Marissa hearing what Ryan was doing "I'm not able to…"

"What?" Ryan said moving to hover over top of her.

"The accident…I can't…not now, I'll explain later…I just want you" she pulled him down into a deep kiss. Ryan responded by sliding his arm under her back, lifting her up and sliding her up the bed.

"Ok" he quietly whispered in her ear, instantly trusting her judgement and not wishing to engage in a 'what if' debate at this particular moment. He nuzzled the side of her neck and gently eased inside her. They both moaned in pleasure as the final barrier between them was broken. Ryan kept a steady rhythm rotating his hips a little, changing the angle every now and then and Marissa matched him move for move with her hips. Once again communicating without words they knew when to quicken the pace, and were soon rapt in joint climax that sent them both screaming with pleasure.

Ryan collapsed to the side of Marissa as he pulled out, and Marissa moved to roll on her side and snuggled to his chest. Ryan wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you" he whispered

"I can't…" she started.

"I know" he interrupted "but I have faith. We have a long journey to take together"


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

Ryan could not remember sleeping more peacefully in well, about eight and a half years, even though there had not been much sleep. He woke up at to the sun blazing through the light drapes in the motel room and looked down at the beauty lying in front of him. Spooning Marissa was the most comforting feeling he could ever remember having since the first time when he did it by accident on a fateful trip to Tijuana. He propped himself up on one elbow and ran his other hand across her shoulder lightly. He wanted to wake her up so he could make love to her again, but he chuckled as he thought of what he would say to her when she woke.

Marissa stirred and turned around to look up at Ryan. Her eyes sparkled like sapphires reflecting the way she felt. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from her and now she could shine again.

"Hey" she said beaming at him.

"Hey, who are you?" he replied trying to keep a straight face.

"Very funny," she answered raising herself up on her elbows and leaning in for a kiss then added, "Whoever you want me to be" but they burst into fits of giggles before the kiss could be completed.

"Cute, real cute" Ryan said pulling her round to face him. They both lay on their sides facing each other simply gazing into each others eyes. "So what do you want to do today?" he finally asked.

"This" she said kissing him and pulling their naked bodies closer together again.

"Mmm, and I would like nothing more, but we do have some work to do here, don't we?" he rolled her onto her back as he spoke hovering over her, accentuating his large well-toned biceps.

"Uh huh" Marissa giggled. "For a start, you need to do your morning push ups. I'm sure these muscles won't tone themselves" she stroked his arms as he lowered himself kissing her deeply, once again exploring her mouth with his tongue. Marissa pulled him down on top of her as she opened her legs to accommodate his hips.

She felt so comfortable with him, like they had been together forever. She had had a couple of boyfriends that lasted only a few months at a time and several one night stands in college when she was feeling a bit reckless and had expected to feel a little of that same morning after awkwardness. There was no awkwardness, no discomfort with each other's nudity, no regrets, and no doubt that this was right. She felt like a woman…in love. Last night she had made a point to let Ryan know that she could not tell him she loved him and this morning all she wanted to do was shout it from the rooftops. The one thing Marissa was sure of is that she was not the type to profess her love to the latest man to give her an orgasm, and she certainly did not want to give that impression to Ryan by now saying it less than twelve hours after she said she couldn't.

Marissa settled on not thinking about it and just enjoying the feel of him inside and on top of her for the fifth or was it sixth time? She stifled a giggle as she thought about it causing Ryan to stop his rhythmic motions.

"Am I amusing you, Your Highness?" he quipped as he hovered over her.

"Very much so" she countered "but I was wondering if you would be able to keep the pace up. We're averaging about 1 and a half times an hour you know."

"I hadn't actually thought about it" he chuckled, "but I do know now why I made a point to stay in shape all these years." Ryan buried his lips in her neck and gave a particularly hard thrust causing Marissa to moan loudly. "Now, if you have no more mathematical equations to do, may I continue? 'Cos we were kinda in the middle of something here."

Marissa let out a full belly laugh forcing Ryan out of her. He rolled over on his back breathless.

"Ok, way to kill a mood there Cooper" he grinned "AND bring the average down!"

"I'm sorry" she said quietly as she rolled onto her stomach to look at him "maybe we could pick it up again in the shower?" she added coyly.

"When you say 'we' do you mean …?" he asked.

"What else would I mean?" she retorted.

Ryan could feel his previous state of arousal returning quickly, and it did not go unnoticed by Marissa.

"Mood restored?" she asked over her shoulder as she got out of bed.

"Uh huh" panted Ryan as he chased her into the bathroom.

Marissa was the first to emerge from the bathroom after their extra long shower. Ryan remained in the bathroom to shave. When he came out, Marissa was already fully dressed and brushing her hair.

"Hey, so I think the first thing we should do is check you out of your room and move your things in here, probably one more night I'd say. I think we can get everything done that we need to today. I've made a list of the places I wa…" she was speaking a mile a minute.

"Wow, you can go from pleasure to business in a nanosecond, huh? Not ten minutes ago, I nearly made you forget your name in there again, and now you're making a list?" Ryan was laughing easily and walked up to her to kiss her, "but I love you for it, and we'll go wherever you want to or feel you need to."

"Well, I could go back to pleasure" she said starting to release the towel around his waist.

"Ah, no. I think we all need a rest" he grinned opening his towel and looking down. "Can you go to my room and get my clothes now? I have nothing to wear" the last phrase delivered as if he were a spoiled Newpsie who found nothing appealing in her million dollar closet.

Marissa giggled and left to go get his bag from the room next door. When she came back, Ryan was on the phone.

"Hey Sandy. How's things there? Is Nate ok? I still feel bad about deserting him".

"Things are fine here" Sandy calmed. "Nate and Sophie are getting along great and we're about to go out for breakfast. How's things with you? Did you find her?"

"Yeah, yeah I did" Marissa was starting to bite his ear and remove his towel and he was frantically trying to bat her away. "It turns out we both checked into the Mermaid at different times last night, and we ended up bumping into each other."

Marissa held her hand over her mouth to stifle a full blown snort at Ryan's double entendre.

"Is she ok?" Sandy asked with concern.

"She's fine. I probably shouldn't have been so worried, but I'm glad I came down anyway. She's remembering more all the time." Marissa had sat down next to him now, and he placed his free hand on her thigh and gave it a squeeze. "We're going to do a tour of Newport today to see if we can't conjure up some more memories. We will probably come home tomorrow. Speaking of home, did you talk to Julie?"

"Yeah, I did, and so did Kirsten actually. She feels terrible about the way she acted the other night, and she kept apologizing for everything."

"This is Julie Cooper we're talking about?" Ryan asked skeptically. "She never struck me as the apologizing type. The only time she's ever really apologized to me is when she wanted something from me. I'll find out from Marissa how she feels about talking to her again. I should go meet her for breakfast." Ryan winked at Marissa. There was no need to broadcast their newfound togetherness just yet.

"Ok, kid. Good luck with your tour today, and drive safe tomorrow." Sandy signed off.

Ryan closed his phone and leaned over to kiss Marissa.

"Ok, I'm getting dressed and we're going to breakfast. First stop. The diner." He smiled and dropped his towel. "Try and control yourself please" he said in a mock serious tone. We have serious work to do."

Marissa laughed and flopped back on the bed.

"I think I'll have a short stack with lots of syrup" she said licking her lips.

"Good start. That was your usual, and if it was lunchtime you would have…..?" Ryan probed as he pulled his shirt over his head.

"Cheeseburger and chili fries. They're my favourite" Marissa's eyes grew wide as she thought about it.

"Yes they are!" Ryan said

"I guess my stomach didn't forget as much as my brain" she quipped.

Ryan finished putting his shoes on and grabbed his jacket. He opened the door and waved his arm to show Marissa she could go out first. As they walked over to the diner, Marissa slipped her hand in Ryan's instinctively. He squeezed her hand tightly and thought to himself that this is how it should have been all along.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N****: I can't believe I'm up to Chapter 30 already. I could probably have condensed a few chapters, but anyway. I see at least another 5 or 6 chapters maybe more to get to where I eventually want it to end. Thanks to all my reviewers. I hope I'm keeping you interested.**

**Disclaimer: I should probably do this before I get sued, but obviously, Josh was smarter than me to think all these guys up first, so they're his, the plots mine.**

**Chapter 30**

"Julie, I don't know what you expect me to do" Sandy was exasperated and more than weary from talking to Julie.

She had come over early Sunday morning hoping to win back Sandy and/or Kirsten first and then enlist their help in talking to Marissa and Ryan. When Sandy had called on Saturday to inform her that Ryan would not be in the office on Monday she had broken down and pleaded with him to forgive her and listen to her. Then she had asked to speak to Kirsten and done the same with her.

"_Kiki, please, you have to understand why I did it" Julie pleaded. "You _know_ what Marissa's life was like before the accident. It was one of continuous drama and turmoil. Her and I always seemed to have more bad moments than good. I just thought I could free her from all that."_

"_That's touching, Julie" Kirsten snarled "but you failed on all fronts. First of all, what could have been a minor obstacle is now a life changing event. Second of all, you didn't even follow through. You turned her from a troubled teen with a family who cared about her and a boy who loved her to a lonely young adult abandoned by the only two people she knew as family. You may have done more damage than anything from that so-called troubled time in her life. It was really about Ryan wasn't it?"_

_Julie was sobbing and Kirsten took note that she actually sounded like they were real tears. Julie avoided answering Kirsten's question by changing the subject. "Can I come over tomorrow so we can talk about this, and maybe you could help me convince Ryan and Marissa to talk to me."_

"_Fine, Julie. Come tomorrow morning. I'm just dying to hear your explanation." Kirsten said in a tone that conveyed the exact opposite of her words._

So, there Julie was at Sandy and Kirsten's on Sunday morning. She had brought Jamie with her and sent him to play with Sophie and Nate. She had been there when Ryan had called and had been wildly gesturing at Sandy to let her talk. Sandy had taken his cue from Ryan and decided that it was best not to throw Julie back in the mix just yet.

"Julie, he said he would talk to Marissa and she would decide when she was ready to talk to you." Sandy explained. "Ryan has always had Marissa's best interests in mind and has helped you more than once to steer Marissa in the right direction, or do your bidding for you. Which brings us to something we have both been wondering…" he looked at Kirsten. "Aside from what you've done to Marissa, which in our mind is unfathomable and inexcusable, how could you do it to Ryan?"

"I know, I know. But at the time I blamed him for everything, and he was partly why I wanted her out of here." Julie was digging herself a deeper hole.

"Oh so, sending him to Mexico after Volchok to avenge Marissa's supposed death, what was that? Did you want him to get caught? Was that just adding insult to injury? I don't think so. You knew that he was the only one who would do what you wanted because he loved her, and when she died, a part of him died." Sandy was now yelling at Julie. "You have watched that boy grow into an incredible young man. He thought enough of you to warn you off his dad AND bring you into ATCO as a minor partner. You are the mother of his brother for god's sake, Julie. Were you EVER going to tell the truth? And Friday, why did you react the way you did when you saw them together. You know that far from being the worst thing for her, he's the best."

Julie buried her head in her hands and began to sob uncontrollably. Kirsten moved to sit next to her and console her. She wasn't sure she could forgive her friend anytime soon for what she had done to Marissa and her adopted son, but she could empathize and she could see she was feeling the pain of what she had done.

"Sandy, maybe you should just leave Julie and me alone for a bit. Maybe you should take Nate, Jamie and Sophie out for breakfast now. They're playing a board game in her room." Kirsten's voice was soothing and assertive. Sandy knew his bad cop routine was over and now it was Kirsten's good cop that needed to take over. Almost thirty years of friendship with Julie had taught them how to deal with her. This was the worst they had had to deal with and neither was sure if they could move past this.

"Nate!!! Soph!! Jay!! Let's go. Short stacks are calling!" Sandy yelled up the stairs. The teenager and the first graders soon joined him and they were gone.

"Kiks, I've really blown it haven't I?" Julie spoke through a cloud of tears and smeared mascara. Kirsten handed her a Kleenex "To be honest, I'm not sure what I was thinking at the time, or if I was. It seemed like the fix to all of Marissa's problems. Looking back, I can't believe I pawned her off on Cindy. I mean, when I did that, we finally had the relationship I always wanted which was great. We were friends, but then I wanted to be her mother again and I couldn't tell her the truth so I gradually drifted away. She'd almost finished college, was leading a normal, drama free life. I figured it was safe to let her go."

"But Julie, she's your daughter. How could you just let your child go like that?" Kirsten asked in disbelief.

"I don't know. I guess, I figured I'd put her on a better path and that I could concentrate on not screwing up Kaitlin and Jamie's lives, and I did. I mean Kaitlin was a wild child too, but we became and still are really close. She's doing her PhD at Harvard and we talk all the time, and Jamie is my joy. I just want to make things completely right with Marissa now. I wouldn't blame her if she hated me forever, but I at least want the chance to try. Kirsten, please. Help me."

Kirsten was softening more. "And what about Ryan? If he and Marissa get back together, is that ok? Because, you can fix all you want with Marissa, if you don't make things right with him too, there's a whole lot more at stake than a relationship you let go of years ago."

"I know. Ryan is a great guy. I know that now. I've known for a while now, and it's been another constant source of torment for me. I don't know why I reacted the way I did the other night. He's been a great step-son, he's an amazing business partner, and he'd make a great son-in-law in our twisted incestuous family." Julie laughed uncomfortably. "After all you are still my ex step-daughter remember?"

They both laughed, seemingly breaking the final barrier of anger and resentment that Kirsten had.

"All right, Julie. I'll talk to Ryan and MAYBE he will lead the way back to Marissa, but you have to let it happen in its own time. Absolutely no Julie Cooper Nichol (almost Cooper Roberts Bullit) Atwood stunts". They laughed together again at Julie's romantic past. "You have to promise me."

"I promise, Kiki. I'm glad we talked. On top of everything else, I couldn't stand it if I lost you too."

Kirsten smiled faintly. She was still inwardly furious with Julie for what she had put Ryan through, but felt a sense of empathy when she realized her fierce emotions regarding Ryan's well-being had probably been comparable to the emotions that were the catalyst in Julie's own actions regarding her daughter. The one thing that she knew for sure is that if Ryan and Marissa were to have a chance this time without all the angst and drama of their teenage romance, Julie was going to have to be a welcome and understanding part of it and it was going to be up to her, and hopefully Sandy, to pave the way to a reconciliation. Kirsten leaned over to Julie to give her hug.

"I'm not saying I condone what you did or agree with it, Julie, but I will do my best to help you." Kirsten said sincerely and started to make another pot of coffee.

Julie breathed a sigh of relief. She had gone through the gamut of emotions since she heard Ryan say the name Melissa Hooper. Her first instinct had been to protect her secret at all costs, when that had not worked and she had come face to face with Marissa, her next reaction had been to revert to her original feelings. Keep Ryan and Marissa apart. Nothing good ever came of them being together when they were teenagers, or so she thought.

Now she had had time to digest all that had happened in the last two days. She had seen the way Ryan was with Marissa and there was no mistaking a man in love. Clearly his feelings had never changed, and now she could see that a man she knew, liked and trusted wanted to take care of her daughter. She had called her sister in hysterics confessing her regrets for everything she had done, and spent the better part of the last two days fighting the tears so Jamie didn't see

Eight years of secrets and lies had come crashing down on her and all she wanted to do was make things right. Once again she would be in debt to Sandy and Kirsten, and probably Ryan too, for helping her mend fences with her daughter. Julie fidgeted with the cup of coffee Kirsten had just placed in front of her and looked at her friend with a tear stained face.

"Thank you" she said quietly, and Kirsten knew it was for much more than the cup of coffee.

Sandy arrived back a short time later with Nate and the two little ones who had clearly had a vast amount of sugar on their little excursion as Jamie was literally bouncing around the house.

"Mommy, Mommy, Uncle Sandy got us chocolate chip pancakes and a chocolate milkshake and we covered them in syrup. We didn't really mean to put so much but Sophie wouldn't give me the jar and then I tried to take it and it kinda spilled, but we ate the pancakes anyway and…." Jamie just could not get all his words out fast enough.

"Ok, sweetie, just calm ok? I think we'll go home now and we'll come back and visit again later in the week." She rubbed the top of Jamie's head and turned to Sandy and Kirsten.

"Thanks for taking him out Sandy, and well…um…just thanks." She felt herself start to break down again and quickly hurried a protesting Jamie out the door.

Nate, being the extremely observant teenager that he was, and now having a little insight into the whole picture with Ryan and Marissa and Julie, sensed there was something Kirsten needed to talk to Sandy about.

"Hey, Sophe, why don't we go pick up our game of Snakes and Ladders in your room" he said, trying to herd the seven year old out of the kitchen. He caught Kirsten's eye as he left and she nodded her appreciation silently.

As they left Sandy turned to Kirsten with a look on his face that told her she was going to have some convincing to do.

"She got to ya, didn't she?" he said incredulously.

"We talked, yes. Sandy, she's destroyed by this whole thing. She has so many regrets you would not believe, the most recent, but certainly not limited to, the way she reacted on Friday." Kirsten looked at Sandy with pleading eyes.

"Oh no" Sandy said hanging his head. "You told her we'd help patch things up didn't you?"

"I said that we would talk to Ryan, but it was entirely up to him to deal with Marissa and have her make her own decision on when she's ready to talk to Julie."

"So are you going to tell him, that you think it's ok that Julie not only had Marissa living a lie for the past eight years, but him too? Because that's what it amounts to. If none of this happened. There's no cage fighting, no Mexico, no deferring college for a year, no Taylor. No lost boy trying desperately to be man and love again. You think we can convince him that it's all ok now?" Sandy was not happy with the turn of events and his tone was harsh.

"Sandy, we haven't always agreed on our parenting strategies, but I think that if we really want him to be happy and continue with a normal happy life, that I'm sure is going to include Marissa, because really…who are we kidding…then Marissa has to mend her relationship with Julie and so does Ryan. Otherwise all the same issues come back again. Marissa fights with Julie and runs to Ryan. Ryan gets in the middle in his effort to help causing strains on his relationship with Julie, which is so much more than it was back then. His business is riding on them fixing this now, for now God's sake. If there is anything I can do to make things better for Ryan, I'm going to do it, with or without your help." She turned to leave the kitchen.

"Ok" he said quietly. "We'll do it your way, but I have no idea what to say to Ryan."

Kirsten turned back around and smiled at her husband. "Thank you. I know the great Sandy Cohen will think of something to say." She kissed his cheek and walked back out the kitchen.

Sandy frowned as he took his phone out of his pocket and began to dial Ryan's number. This was going to be an interesting conversation.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

Marissa and Ryan walked in comfortable silence down the boardwalk after they finished their pancakes. Ryan occasionally glanced over to look at her. He had found during breakfast that he couldn't look down at his food for long before he had to look up again to make sure she was still sitting opposite him. He was still doing it as they were walking. The feel of her hand in his was so warm and familiar, but he still kept looking at her every few paces to confirm that he wasn't dreaming.

Every now and then, Marissa would catch him as she would look at him and they would steal a kiss as they walked and Marissa would squeeze his hand and lean her head on his shoulder. To anyone passing by, they looked like a couple, a real couple, head over heels for each other, and oblivious to everything else around them.

"So where do you recommend we start?" asked Marissa after a few minutes.

"Um, well the Bait Shop's just over there and Alex's old apartment is just beyond that. Both featured prominently in our junior year" replied Ryan. He deliberately called it Alex's old apartment instead of Trey's, but second guessed himself for mentioning it at all.

Did he really want her to remember that she had once shot his brother? Did he want her to remember that Ryan had gone to Trey's to kill him for attacking Marissa while he had been in Miami with Seth and Sandy? The answer to all of these was most definitely, no. But on the other hand, Trey's shooting had been a major source of problems for them because they never talked about it. Maybe this was the time to finally heal all the old wounds.

"I remember Alex" she blushed at the thought of her in a lesbian relationship. "I remembered having a fight with you about Lindsey getting drunk. You were pretty mad at me as I recall, and I ended up staying at Alex's. I guess she was there when you weren't. I've never had the urge since to date a woman. Alex was special in her own way, I guess. Let's do the Bait Shop first and then her apartment." Marissa smiled at Ryan and pecked his lips. "I guess you thought your ex dating a woman was pretty hot, huh?" she teased.

"Uh, well, I can't say I didn't picture what it would be like being the meat in a sandwich of you two" he smirked "but mostly I just stayed away until Seth forced me to work on the pep rally bonfire with you. Alex didn't like me very much. She kinda felt threatened by me." Ryan squeezed her hand as they walked towards the Bait Shop.

"She must have known that I was still in love with you." Marissa stated bluntly.

"Hmm" replied Ryan "but how did _you _know you were still in love with me?"

"It's weird, or not since I've spent the most time with you, but I remember pretty much everything about our time together. Good and bad. I know what you meant when we were standing in the driveway the other day. We fight, we break up, we make up, and we fight again." Marissa pulled on Ryan's hand to stop him from walking and turned to face him. "I want you to know. I don't want it to be like that again. I want us to talk about everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. No secrets. If you really want me as a part of your life again, we have to be sure not to repeat the past, and that is on your shoulders because I don't remember all of it. 'Those who do not learn from the past', remember?"

Marissa gazed into his ice blue eyes trying to read him. Would he understand what she was trying to say? She needed to know that he was really as vocal as he had demonstrated in the last couple of days. That he really was more open than the Ryan she had in her memories. That he would be honest with her and tell her straight out that his brother had also lived in Alex's apartment and that he wanted her to remember everything so they could move on together.

Ryan did sense something in Marissa's voice and in the way she was looking at him. She was telling him something, trying to read behind his eyes. If she remembered everything as she claimed, there was only one thing she could be referring to. _Oh man_, he thought. This was it, make or break before they even really got started. They were now leaning up against the railing outside the Bait Shop, Marissa with her back to the ocean and Ryan facing her with his arms holding the railing either side of her. There was no escape for her and no escape for him in facing the biggest issue they ever had between them.

"Ok" he said quietly looking down at the ground "I know what your asking and I know you want me to say it rather than you tell me you've remembered. I get that. I couldn't talk about it then, but I have to now." He took a deep breath. "My brother attacked you, and instead of sensing something was really wrong, I pretty much accused you of hooking up with him. When I think about it now, you gave me all the signs. You were jumpy and afraid of being touched. You wouldn't let me see you without a shirt on and you avoided Trey like the plague. If I'd taken just a second to think that you were hurting instead of thinking that you were trying to hurt me, things could have been very different."

Marissa lifted her arms up to run both her hands through his hair and caress his cheeks stopping to cup his chin in her hands and kissed him tenderly on the lips.

"Thank you" she said sincerely

Ryan smiled meekly. "Do I need to go on?"

"I think it will be good for both of us if you do." She replied.

"Well, I guess, you finally decided I had to know, and used a foolproof method of communication when you didn't want to tell me something directly." He laughed half-heartedly and continued. "You told Summer, Summer told Seth, and Seth told me. All I can remember feeling at that precise moment was rage. More rage than I had felt in my entire life towards anybody, but it wasn't only rage towards Trey for what he had done to you, it was rage against me for letting it happen to you in the first place, not protecting you, and most of all not sensing that there was something very wrong that you weren't telling me. In that split second I decided I was going to kill him. Seth knew as soon as I told him I was going to settle things with Trey once and for all. Do you want to fill in the next part?" Marissa nodded.

"I remember the phone call from Seth. I can't exactly remember where I was, but I think I was with Julie. I remember him saying 'Ryan knows' and 'you're closer'. The next memory I have is walking into Trey's apartment and seeing him on top of you choking you. I was screaming at him to get off you and then he yanked the phone out of the wall and he was about to hit you. I saw the gun and I picked it up and shot him." Ryan wiped a tear from her cheek as she recalled this most painful memory.

"I'm glad you remember it." He said warmly. "I don't want this to be a barrier between us again."

"It's ironic you should say that, because far from being a barrier, it was this memory that allowed me to realize just what you had meant to me, and it opened the door to so many other good memories. Standing in the doorway of that apartment watching Trey almost kill you was the worst moment of my life. I felt that my life would be over if you weren't in it and I would do anything to protect you and to protect me from that." Marissa paused and looked at her hands now resting on Ryan's chest.

"When did you remember this?" Ryan asked

"When I fell asleep at Cindy's before I came here" she replied.

"I can't believe you didn't say anything to me. This is huge."

"Well, first of all, we were kinda busy last night" she blushed "and secondly, I remembered a lot of our trouble around this and I wanted YOU to tell ME about it. It was the only way I could get you to talk about it. Remember what I said. No secrets. Which brings me to something else that we kind of skirted over yesterday." She bit her lip.

Ryan nodded. "I know. I understood. You can't have kids. It doesn't change anything for me. If that's where we're headed, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, but it's not going to stop ME from loving YOU."

"Oh my god," Marissa breathed a sigh of relief. "I love you, Ryan. I wanted to say it, I did, but I wasn't sure and we still had so much to talk about, and I think we just covered the two biggies and ..." Marissa was interrupted by Ryan's lips making forceful contact with hers, his hands coming up to pull her face as close to him as possible as his tongue teased her lips apart. When she pulled away for air she continued. "I want to tell you about it." She kissed him softly. "I want you to know. I have never had unprotected sex with anyone…except you, and there have only been four in eight years. I don't want you to think there was anything else at stake besides me getting pregnant."

"I trust you. It never crossed my mind. Do you want to tell me why you can't…?" He gestured with his eyes to her stomach.

"Are you sure you want all the details about the girl stuff?"

"No secrets, right?" he repeated her own words as he took her hands.

"Ok. I had severe internal injuries as well as the head injury. Part of my spleen was removed as well as one of my ovaries as they were crushed beyond repair and I could have bled to death. There was also blunt trauma to my uterus, but the doctors did not want to remove it because a hysterectomy in someone so young can be very traumatic and cause a horrible hormone imbalance."

"Yeah, I can't really picture you with a moustache" Ryan joked. "Sorry. Not funny. Continue."

"So, the result is, I have very irregular periods like maybe 4 or 5 a year, and the doctors said that it was highly unlikely that I would ever have children because my uterus would likely reject any embryo because of the damage done." She looked at Ryan waiting for his reaction.

"Ok, so, I'm not trying to make light of this, because I know it's serious, but I'm going to look at the positive. I can live without having you four or five weeks out of a year, that still leaves me three hundred and thirty days of unimpeded love-making with you." Marissa blushed as he continued. "Lastly, last night you said you can't, but just now you said the doctors said it was 'unlikely', and you admitted you had never had unprotected sex with anyone but me, so no chance to test the theory. So, _if _we're headed where I think we are, I intend to use every single one of those remaining three hundred and thirty days to try and prove the doctors wrong." He gave a mischievous grin as he kissed her cheek.

Marissa was dumbfounded by what he was suggesting, but was stopped from making any comment to Ryan's sideways proposal by his cell phone ringing. Ryan pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the caller ID.

"It's Sandy. I'd better answer in case it's about Nate." Marissa nodded and he flipped the phone open. "Hey, what's up?"

"Hey! Ryan! How are things going? Have you guys done a grand tour yet? Where are you headed next?" Sandy was trying to sound as up beat as possible, but the bombarding of questions without allowing time for an answer only served to let Ryan know that something was wrong.

"Sandy? What's wrong? Is Nate, ok?" he avoided answering all questions and looked at Marissa as she searched his eyes for an indication of what Sandy was saying.

"Aw jeez. I'm lousy at this. Nate is fine. He's been having fun with Sophie playing board games…and with Jamie too." Sandy paused, knowing that Ryan would quickly process the meaning of Nate playing Ryan's little brother. Julie's son.

"You've had Julie at the house." Ryan stated dejectedly. Marissa's eyes widened with surprise and she reached for Ryan's hand.

"We have. Kirsten talked to her for a long time this morning while I took the kids out for pancakes." Sandy explained.

"Kirsten too?" Ryan questioned. He couldn't believe those closest to him were betraying him by talking to Julie, forgiving her for what she'd done.

"Ryan, she's devastated…" Sandy started.

"_She's devastated?"_ Ryan could hardly believe his ears. "It's always about Julie, Sandy. Even when it's not about her, it is. I'm sick of it and I'm done with her. I can't speak for Marissa."

"Well, I can understand that, but what I was going to say is that she is devastated by what she has done to you and Marissa. She regrets everything and wants nothing more than to talk to you and Marissa and at least make an attempt at an explanation. Ryan there is way more at stake here than just whether or not Julie will ever approve of you and Marissa being together or whether you can forgive what she's done. Both very important issues but think of the bigger picture as well. Your business and more importantly your little brother, who, by the way, is also Marissa's little brother. That little boy idolizes you, and don't you think he should know his sister too? How are you going to deal with Jamie if you're not speaking to Julie? Kirsten and I will not play the go-between for a seven year old." Ryan looked at his feet and kicked at the railing post. Sandy had played the one card that could get him. He adored Jamie and could not imagine not seeing him, or having Marissa get to know him. It brought a lump to his throat and made it nearly impossible for him to say anything else.

Marissa had now got the general vein of the conversation and was trying to get Ryan to look at her. She lifted his chin with her hand so he looked at her. She immediately saw the strain in his face and the tears coming to his eyes, and she held out her other hand to ask for the phone. Ryan accepted the invitation and passed the phone over without saying anything else to Sandy.

"Sandy?" Marissa spoke assertively. "Ryan can't talk anymore. It's upsetting for him."

"Marissa, hey kiddo. I know it is, and it must be for you too on top of everything else. Listen, your mom, Julie. She feels terrible. She wants things to be right again and she knows that part of that is letting you two be together. She's over that now and she realizes she was wrong. She just wants to talk to you."

"Sandy. I'm not saying I will never talk to my so-called mother again, but I think I have some things to get straight with me and with Ryan before we deal with the person who caused all this in the first place." Marissa was speaking coldly and clearly. "I don't know what you said to Ryan, but it clearly upset him, so I have to go. We'll call when we're on our way home. Please don't call again unless it's about Nate."

Marissa closed the phone and held Ryan in a tight hug, and she could feel him start to convulse as he tried to control his sobs. This was new territory for her. The Ryan Atwood she was remembering did not cry. He only came close to crying when it was about…, she tried to recall what she could…ah, family; blood-family to be specific. The only time she could remember any emotion like this it involved his mother, Dawn or his brother, Trey.

"He brought up Jamie, didn't he?" she whispered.

Ryan nodded and sniffed as he tried to wipe the tears away. "How did you know?"

"I told you, where your concerned, I'm pretty much up to speed." She smiled. "Family is everything to you, I know, and you've been let down your fair share of times by yours. The last thing you want to do is let Jamie down by severing the ties. I want to know Jamie too, but that's a completely different issue for me. I'm telling you now that you cannot base whether or not you talk to Julie and see Jamie on what she did to me. This is about you and what you've been through, and I think you should talk to her regardless of whether I intend to or not."

Ryan looked at Marissa with shock and awe. Shocked that she was suggesting he rebuild a relationship with her mother, and awe that she would be so unselfish in putting him first, and that she could read him so completely without him saying a word.

Ryan forced a smile as he stroked her cheek. "I'll talk to Julie when we get back." he offered. "Have I told you lately that I love you?" He added as he held her chin with his thumb and forefinger and kissed her lightly.

"Kinda cheesy, but the closest you came in the recent past was telling me how you would like to do your best to prove the doctors wrong about my…er…condition. I'm thinking we've made a lot of progress on my memory without actually seeing too much of Newport. Perhaps we could get a head start on the practical part of your thesis." She batted her eyelids flirtatiously and pulled him back up the boardwalk to the motel. "I'm thinking that we can cover the sights in a quick drive around tour before we leave tomorrow?" She giggled as she let go of Ryan's hand and started running to the motel.

Ryan followed quickly behind and soon caught up with her. He lifted her over his shoulder into a fireman's carry and continued running to the motel, both of them laughing all the way. When he finally put her down at the door to what was now _their _room, he once again stood looking at her in awe. It was at that moment, he realized they were going to be ok this time. Not only were they going to spend the rest of afternoon completely entangled in each other making love, but they had just covered some of the major issues in their relationship both past and present without either one getting angry, shutting down or walking away. Sex was not the avoidance tactic; it was the reward from coming out the other side. They had each helped the other deal with the issue at hand. He had only seen that kind of team work once, maybe twice before, he thought. As it happened, both of his examples were Cohen's, and they were married…hmmm.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

Kirsten came into the kitchen at 6:30 on Monday morning to find Sandy already sitting at the table drinking coffee. He was not so much drinking it as staring into the bottom of the cup looking for the answer to some unsolvable riddle.

"The coffee doesn't have the answer you know" Kirsten said as she leaned over to kiss his cheek.

"I know, but it's a good place to stare while I sit and wish I could take back what I said to Ryan yesterday. I may have irretrievably damaged my relationship with him for the sake of Julie Cooper. You told me I'd think of something to say and I know it was the wrong thing." He swilled the coffee around and took a sip. "I stooped to emotional blackmail and used his brother as the trump card. How horrible is that?"

"Honey, I'm sure Ryan will forgive you. He just needs time, and I'm sure he will be thinking about what you said. You know how much Jamie means to him. Besides, he'll probably be home before you get home today and I'll talk to him when he comes to get Nate. I'll make sure he knows how you feel." She stroked the back of his hair as he stood up to hug her and kiss her tenderly on the lips.

"You always know how to cheer me up" he smiled "but it's days like these that I kind of miss the surf in Newport Beach. It would have been a great morning to ride some four footers while I thought about things. I'm gonna head into the campus early. I've got some papers to grade. Are you ok with Nate and school?" he asked as he picked up his briefcase.

"I'll be fine, honey. I'm going to take Sophie to school and then come back and get Nate and take him over to Berkeley High School. Hopefully I can get everything done except the paperwork signing and I'll get Ryan to do that when he comes to pick him up." She blew Sandy a kiss as he nodded and walked out the door. He was actually glad that he was able to go to the campus and escape from what was going on at home for a while.

Julie had not slept very well on Sunday night. Actually, she had hardly slept at all since she came face to face with Marissa on Friday evening. She had done her best during the day to not let on to Jamie that anything was wrong or different which left the nights after he had gone to bed for her mull over everything she had done and how she could possibly fix it.

Sandy and Kirsten had agreed to help with Ryan and Marissa which was some consolation, but she was still going to have to face them and give each of them a separate explanation and apology for the specific wrong she had visited on them. That had consumed her thoughts for most of the weekend, but Sunday night she had sat up almost all night thinking of what she was going to say to Kaitlin.

Although she had been extremely close with Kaitlin since Marissa's accident, there was still a part of Kaitlin that she felt she could never reach. Kaitlin had dealt with the 'death' of her older sister by having the wild phase that Marissa had, but also throwing herself into her schoolwork. The fact that she had managed to maintain high grades while partying every weekend and staying out all hours caused Julie infuriating frustration in trying to punish her.

The fact that Kaitlin had lost her sister and was dealing with it in her own way and was headed to college at the end of her junior year led Julie to cut her a lot more slack on the wild child front than she ever had with Marissa. The unexpected result had been a bond of friendship and camaraderie that Julie had never had with her older daughter. The sacrifice had been that they never talked about Marissa. Kaitlin would not, or could not talk about her at least not with, and that's where Julie felt she could not reach her younger daughter.

Kaitlin had formed a close bond with Ryan over the years and they had often had talks long into the night about everything from their current love life situations to politics to Marissa. Interestingly enough, Marissa usually came up in the love life conversations since for the most part Ryan hadn't had a love life except his hook ups with Taylor before she came back for Summer and Seth's wedding. Instead of a big sister, she had a big brother who had played the part well actually chasing away a couple of undesirable suitors. Kaitlin had cried to Ryan on many occasions about how she wished her and Marissa had spent more time together as friends and not enemies or rivals for their mother and father's attention.

Julie knew how close Kaitlin and Ryan were and knew she had to tell Kaitlin before he did or the problem would be made ten times worse. Julie had picked up the phone a dozen times in the evening to call and tell Kaitlin everything, but backed out at the last minute. She knew she could not put it off any longer and so had decided at just after 6 a.m. on Monday morning to call her. It was with a small sense of relief that she got Kaitlin's voice mail. She tried to stop her voice from shaking and left a message.

"Hey, Kaiti, it's me. I was just calling to how things were with my little genius. Jay and I miss you. Oh, Ryan and Taylor broke up, but I'm sure he told you that already. Anyway, call me when you get this. Love you, sweetie. Bye."

Julie replaced the phone in its cradle and pulled herself together. It was time to wake Jamie up and put on her brave face for the day. Ryan wasn't going to be in the office, so she had to be in case something came up. The last thing she needed to do was let him down on that front as well. She poured herself another cup of coffee and went upstairs to start her day wishing for it to be over already so she could talk to Ryan, Marissa…and Kaitlin.

Ryan and Marissa woke early on Monday morning as well. Since they had spent all of Sunday afternoon in bed making love, they had actually got a full nights sleep. Marissa woke first to find she was laying on left side and fully engulfed by Ryan's right arm in the tightest spoon hug. She tried to lift his arm without waking him so she could get up, but was unsuccessful. As soon as she lifted his arm he had stirred and only squeezed her tighter.

"Oh no you don't" he whispered in her ear as he kissed her neck. "It's been far too long. I'm not quite done with you yet." His husky morning voice was so sexy she didn't want to get up. Sadly, nature called.

"Ryan, I have to go to the bathroom" she pleaded.

"Grrr. Fine. Make it quick." He grumbled with his eyes still closed. He opened them as she got out of bed and he watched her fantastic naked form walk to the bathroom.

"You know, we should probably get up and make an early start" Marissa called from the bathroom.

"I couldn't agree more" he said with a cheeky grin as she returned "in fact, I'm already up" he indicated to the tent in the covers with his eyes and raised his eyebrows expectantly.

Marissa rolled her eyes and slid back under the covers and straddled him. "Well, let me see what I can do about that" she said as she rubbed her breasts up and down his chest and kissed him passionately.

Ryan responded by wrapping his arms tight around her as their tongues danced together and pushing his hips up to her so she could feel his full hardness.

"Or maybe, you just have to go to the bathroom too…" she giggled.

"Or maybe, I find my girlfriend so goddam hot, I can't control myself" he smirked as he used his right hand to guide himself to her opening as he slipped inside her easily.

Marissa moaned at the sensation and smiled at him calling her his girlfriend. "Girlfriend, huh?" she said as she dropped more kisses on him.

"What else would I call you?" he said as he thrust up into her.

"I….don't …..know…." she gasped between thrusts as she sat up and threw her head back steadying herself with her hands on his chest.

"So is this how it's going to be?" Ryan asked playfully as he kept his rhythm up. His hands were on her hips pulling her down each time he pushed up.

"How….what's….going…..to……be?" Marissa was having trouble speaking as she felt her orgasm build.

"Nights for tender, sensual….serious stuff. Mornings….for sillyness, giggling and talking through it all." He laughed. He was watching her face. Talking actually seemed to be the last thing on her mind right now. Even though she was on top, he had complete control of their movements and knew he was driving her over the edge.

"Holy…….shit,….Ryan…….do……I…….look……..like……I……..want…..to….taaaaaaaaalk?" Marissa collapsed on top of him as she released. He picked up the pace to a lightning speed as he continued to feel her muscles contract around him.

"Ok, no more talking. One more for you, and then my turn." He pushed up hard and fast as he felt Marissa release again and she moaned into his ear. The feel of the warm juices and her muscles contracting again was enough to put him over the edge. He gave four slow hard thrusts and collapsed limp with Marissa still on top of him.

"Oh, I love you" Marissa panted as she rolled off him.

"I love you, too." He leaned over to kiss her forehead and slumped back on the bed. They lay on their backs with their arms out of the covers holding hands for a while in silence.

"Ok, now about that early start…" Ryan quipped.

"I do want to go on a driving tour and then we should head back. I'll should follow you." Marissa suggested.

"No way. I'm going to call for a flat bed tow truck to take it back to her. You're riding with me. Besides, wouldn't you rather be in a Range Rover than a Ford Focus?" he laughed.

"Yeah, I guess." She smiled. "I'm going to take a shower now." Ryan started to get up as well. "Er…alone…this time. I actually want to get some things accomplished in there." She giggled as she walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

Probably just as well, Ryan thought. He needed the rest.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: This is the second last chapter in my little saga and is quite long. Although I had always planned to approach the end of the story in this way, there are parts of it I'm still not happy with. Constructive criticism always appreciated. No flames, please. Warmest apprecition to all my reviewers.**

**Lisa**

**Chapter 33**

Despite all the excitement of the past three months, Seth and Summer had managed to live a relatively quiet and normal existence for the duration of her pregnancy. Now it was their turn to be the center of the drama, and it was all good.

"Breathe, my little dim sum, hoo hoo hoo" there was something so ridiculous about how Seth sounded while coaching Summer through a contraction.

"Cohen, hoo, you are, hoo, sooo not coming near me, hoo, for like years after this kid is born, hoo, hoo" she panted.

"You said that after Theresa got pregnant and yet you still ended up with a pregnancy test on New Years Eve when you came back from Brown. I'm sure my powers of persuasion will prevail" he tapped his fingers in anticipation.

"Ew, the last thing I wanna think about Cohen." Summer began to pant through another contraction. Seth settled by her side and took her hand as he coached once again. He couldn't believe how beautiful she looked, and chuckled to himself at what she would say if he told her that. 'My hair is disgusting; I look like a whale; I haven't seen my feet in eons'. So he thought it to himself and continued his absurd imitation of a woman in labor breathing.

After eleven hours of labor, including Seth almost fainting when the epidural needle was inserted in Summer's back, the younger Cohen couple finally became the proud parents of a bouncing baby boy with an incredible mop of black hair and the deepest brown eyes. He was the perfect mix of his mother and father, and they both wept with joy as Seth cut the umbilical chord and their son was placed on Summer's chest. They took some time to enjoy the moment privately before Seth kissed his wife on the cheek and his son on the forehead and got up from sitting beside Summer on the bed.

"I guess I should go announce his arrival to the waiting masses, huh?" he smiled.

"Yep, but tell them to give me about fifteen minutes to pull myself together"

"Ok" he started to leave

"…and only a couple at a time. I can't handle them all at once."

"All right" he smiled at her as he turned to leave again

"…and…" Seth turned again with a raised eyebrow to hear her next demand. "I love you" she whispered as the tears came again. Damn hormones.

"I love you too. I'll be back soon" he kissed her again and managed to actually get out of the room this time.

When he walked into the family waiting room, he had a few moments to observe each of the people there anxiously waiting for news of the latest Cohen before they even noticed him. He reflected on what each of them had been through in the last three months, and it made this moment all the more special.

First there was Sandy and Kirsten, Mom and Dad, who sat with little miss Sophie on Sandy's knee and Nate in between the two of them. Their unwavering support for all their children was the backbone of this unconventional family of step, half and adopted relatives, and now they were adding a fourth child to their nuclear unit. Nathaniel Davies, now soon to be Nathaniel Cohen, What a roller coaster ride that poor kid had been given by his mom and the system.

_A week after Ryan and Marissa had returned from Newport Beach, Marissa's manager had assumed Nate's case and had deemed that under the circumstances, it was not appropriate for Nate to remain at Ryan's. Apparently, a single male striving to build his own business and embark on a committed relationship with a great woman was not enough. Ryan had protested furiously and Marissa had tried to use any professional pull she had left. In the end, social services had decided that it would be difficult for Ryan to devote the time to Nate that was required _because_ he was a single male, running a business and dealing with personal issues with his girlfriend. His willingness and ultimately suitability were never in question, but the irony of the situation was not lost on anyone._

_As if that weren't enough, a day after that news came and they were preparing for his departure, Nate was dealt another devastating blow. His mother was found dead of a drug overdose in a motel room. The death was reported by none other than Christina, his former girlfriend, who had ended up working the same corner as Nate's mom as a prostitute, and the girl and woman had become friends, co-workers, and fellow junkies._

_Ryan and Nate went together to identify the body at the morgue and Christina was there. Nate was naturally upset at the death of his mother, but he felt a more profound loss for Christina. The innocent girl he had loved and promised to take care of at the tender age of fourteen was nowhere to be found in the overly made up, high-as-a-kite, world-weary female before him. She looked him up and down like he was something stuck to the bottom of her shoe._

"_You sold out to the rich folk, huh?" she masticated with a mouthful of bubble gum._

"_No, I just chose a better life. I got lucky, and I'm grateful" he snapped back._

"_I can help you find a place to stay, get clean, get off the streets." Ryan interjected._

"_No thanks. I'm no one's charity case. I've got my life and my freedom. I don't need to sell out. I'll do just fine. They'll find me another foster home and I'll run away from that one too. Sorry about your mom, Nate. Have a nice life" she finished coldly as she got up and walked away from them._

_Nate hung his head and shook it dejectedly. Ryan placed a comforting arm around his shoulder and led him to where they were to go and identify his mother's body. Nate looked up at Ryan with tears in his eyes._

"_Ryan, don't let them put me in a home. I want to stay with you. I've never felt like part of a real family until now. I don't want to end up like that. Why won't they let me stay with you?" Nate broke down in full heart-wrenching sobs as the weight of his problems came crashing down on him. Ryan had done his best to calm him enough for them to get through the identification and had left Nate briefly while he signed some paperwork as the deceased's next of kin. In that brief moment, Ryan had made a phone call to the one person he knew could fix anything, and within a week it was fixed._

_Sandy had taken Ryan's call and agreed to do what he could to make things right for Nate. Ryan had expressed to Sandy his feeling of failure at not being able to follow through on his 'pay it forward' plan, and Sandy had reminded him of the facts._

"_Listen, Kid. That boy would be God knows where, into God knows what, if you hadn't reached out to him. So the fact that he won't live at your house is a moot point. You still saved him and you're still trying."_

_When Sandy presented the problem to Kirsten, she responded with the most surprising solution._

"_Why don't we adopt him, Sandy?" she said matter-of-factly._

"_Adopt him? Really?" Sandy could not believe that it was Kirsten suggesting what he had already thought to be the best solution._

"_Sure, he's a great kid, Sophie would love to have him around, and we'll be back to two kids in the house again." She smiled and kissed him on the cheek as she draped her arms around his neck._

_Sandy and Kirsten had no trouble obtaining approval from Social Services and the final adoption paperwork was due any day. Ryan was disappointed that he was not able to fulfill his responsibility as he had intended, but was thrilled that Nate would remain in the family. Nate was beside himself and could not have been happier. Since he had spent so much time with Sandy and Kirsten when he first arrived, he felt more at home there anyway, and liked thinking of Ryan more as a brother than a father-figure._

Seth scanned past the newly formed family of four who were watching Sophie and Kirsten play cat's cradle with some string, to the next person in the chair. Kaitlin Cooper, mini Coop. She would be returning to Harvard soon when the fall semester began. He was glad she would be able to see his son before she left. She definitely had not had the summer she expected.

_Ryan and Marissa were enjoying their drive home together from Newport Beach talking about all kinds of things when Ryan's cell phone had buzzed in the hands-free cradle. The caller ID said Kaitlin. Ryan placed a finger to his mouth to hush Marissa, and pushed the button._

"_Kaits! How's my favorite kinda, sorta sister?" He sounded a little false, he thought and hoped she didn't pick up on it._

"_Ryan!! Cut the bullshit!!! How could you not tell me!! I thought you would at least have called _me._" Kaitlin yelled into the phone. There was a long pause in which Ryan tried to formulate his words carefully to explain why he had not told Kaitlin that her sister was not dead. Before he could, Kaitlin continued. "How could you not tell me you broke up with Taylor? I had to hear it from mom!"_

_Marissa covered her mouth to stifle any sound she might make and Ryan quickly recovered._

"_Yeah, well, it kinda only happened on Thursday, so I just wanted to take some time before sharing, ya know?" He looked at Marissa and then continued. "I think it was for the best though. I don't think I really loved Taylor the way she wanted or deserved to be and it's better we found out now than after we got married."_

"_So what did you do the whole weekend, brood in your oh-so Atwood way?" she giggled and the comment also made Marissa giggle which Kaitlin heard. "Who's that with you? Did you go out and find some random to drown your sorrows? Oh my god, Ryan, it took you no time to get sowing those oats you've been missing out on all this time."_

"_Uh no, not some random." Ryan stated. He decided to pull off the road, held Marissa's hand tightly and once again asked a question with his eyes. As always, whatever he was asking, she knew what it was and she nodded._

"_Kaits, I'm with Marissa." Silence._

"_Kaitlin?" Marissa asked._

"_Oh my god, I'm on the next flight" and the line went dead. _

_Kaitlin had been staying at Marissa's ever since. Her reunion with Marissa was touching and tearful. There was no teen jealousy or sinister competitiveness, just two sisters glad to have found each other again. Her reunion with Julie was not so serene._

"_Mom! How could you?" Kaitlin screamed as she stormed into Julie's house late that evening._

"_Kaitlin. What are you doing here?" Julie wanted to talk to her on the phone, not do this face to face._

"_I called Ryan to give him my condolences about Taylor, and he's with MARISSA!!! How the hell did that happen? Only one explanation, the Julie fucking Cooper magic."_

"_Kaitlin, I know you're an adult now, but please watch your language and keep your voice down. Jamie's upstairs sleeping."_

"_And that's another thing! Don't you think Jamie deserves to have all his sisters, not just the one's who have their memory and that his mother hasn't banished to an alternate life?" Kaitlin was on a roll._

"_Kaitlin, will you let me explain?" Julie pleaded._

"_No. I just wanted you to know that I was here and I know. I'm going to stay at Ryan's or maybe Marissa's, it depends where they end up. I'd rather get to know my sister again than have anything to do with you right now." Kaitlin slammed the door and stormed out. Julie collapsed to her knees on the floor and cried. What _had_ she done?_

_A little voice reminded her of the devastating impact of her actions once again._

"_Mommy, why is everybody mad at you right now?" Julie looked up to see Jamie at the top of the stairs._

"_Baby, Mommy just did something bad that upset some people, but I'm going to fix it and say I'm sorry just like we talked about when you do something that's not nice, and everything will be fine. Get back into bed and I'll come tuck you in in a minute."_

"_Ok Mommy. It's ok. I love you." Jamie trotted back to his room._

_Julie once again began convulsing with sobs of regret and remorse. She felt such a failure. She had let each of her three children down to varying degrees at some time in their life. It was now time to set things right. Julie's worst fear was that she had now irreparably damaged her family to the point of no return. Since the girls' father, Jimmy had disappeared off the face of the earth without a trace about four years ago, it was all down to her to hold her family together and swallow what was left of her pride. She needed to fix things and she would. She had an idea, but she would need Seth of all people to help her._

Seth moved to the next chair. If anyone had told him three months ago, that Julie Cooper would not only be with everyone for the birth of his child, but sat between her two daughters with her son on her knee, he would have sworn Captain Oats was a goat first. Yet there they all were talking to each other, smiling, laughing and including Ryan. What a nice little family unit they made. Not so much when Ryan and Marissa first got back from Newport. That was the day that Julie had reached out to him with the most bizarre request. He knew that a reconciliation was the only way everyone could move on with their lives, so he had agreed to help her.

_There had been some awkward moments in the week following Ryan and Marissa's return from Newport. First there had been picking up Nate from Sandy and Kirsten's. Ryan fully intended to take Nate home with him that night, but it was almost 9:00 p.m. and Kirsten had convinced him to leave Nate with them for one more night. She had got him to sign the school papers and told him she would see to it Nate went to school on Tuesday. _

_The second awkward moment had occurred when Ryan and Marissa had decided to stop by Seth and Summer's on the way to Marissa's house. They had agreed not to mention anything about what they had been doing all weekend, but just wanted to check in with their best friends. That plan had gone out the window as soon as they were all standing in the young Cohen couple's kitchen._

"_So you guys have been doing the horizontal mamba all weekend, huh?" Seth said to open the conversation._

"_Ew, Cohen!! Why do you always do that? What is your freakin' fascination with their sex life? It's been going on since high school!!"_

_Ryan and Marissa both visibly blushed, but remained silent._

"_What?" Seth protested. "They obviously weren't going to say anything, but it's written all over their faces. I just wanted them to know that their love is apparent and they should not hide it." He smirked with satisfaction._

"_We weren't going to hide it…" Ryan started defensively._

"…_we just weren't going to share it…just yet." Marissa finished._

"_Aw, that's so cute" said Summer. "You guys are finishing each other's sentences already."_

"_Ok…so, we're home, we're safe, don't tell anyone about us and we're outta here." Ryan grabbed Marissa's hand and dragged her out of the house._

"_That wasn't awkward at all" said Summer as she watched the couple leave and smacked Seth over the back of the head._

_Although, there were a few other awkward moments over that first week related to Ryan and Marissa actually being a couple again and revealing that fact to Sandy and Kirsten, as well as finding 'alone' time with Nate around, the final awkward moment made all the other pale in comparison._

_The Saturday after Ryan and Marissa returned, they were invited to a party at Seth and Summer's to really celebrate Marissa's return. All the Cohen's were there as well as Kaitlin and Nate. Everyone was talking and laughing and Marissa was recalling all that she remembered, which now appeared to be just about everything. Seth had suggested they watch a slide show of pictures from high school which he had conveniently already set up in the living room._

_The whole group sat down to watch, and it created some laughter and tears to remember their days as the Fantastic Four in Newport. Then the pictures changed to drawings with Seth's characters from his comic book, Atomic County. He had put together a comic strip to tell the story of the Fantastic Four up to the present. The Ironist, Kid Chino, Little Miss Vixen and Cosmo Girl all had their parts to play as did the Ice Queen, and the Litigator._

_Everyone was laughing and joking about the adventures of the Fantastic Four, both real and imagined by Seth in his comic book, but then the mood had changed when Cosmo Girl was in a car accident with Kid Chino and was thought to be dead, a notion apparently perpetuated by Cosmo Girl's mother, the Black Widow._

_There had been some looks of confusion from the spectators, and a distinct look of disappointment from Ryan who couldn't believe Seth would turn such an occasion for celebration into something so sad…and awkward. The uncomfortable silence that blanketed the room remained and became more intense as the slides continued telling the story of the Black Widow and her plan to save Cosmo Girl from herself, as well as deal with the troubles in her own life._

_Seth had captured the turmoil the Black Widow had endured with trying to be with Cosmo Girl during her recovery while trying to protect her from returning to a life she believed to be damaging to her. All the while, still managing to build a better relationship with her other daughter, giving birth to a son, and marrying and subsequently divorcing her son's father who had become a drunk and abusive. In Atomic County, the Black Widow's husband had found Cosmo Girl's magic flask. Believing he could have her special powers, he drank from it, only to find that the magic was that it intensified whatever feelings already existed. If you were inherently good, the magic flask made you better, if you weren't, the results were disastrous._

_The story of the Black Widow continued, showing how through everything she had managed to get her college degree, and moved to be near her friends the Ice Queen and the Litigator. She developed a touching relationship with Kid Chino, who although she had thought he was the cause of Cosmo Girl's problems, turned out to be one of the best guys she's ever met. The comic strip conveyed the struggle she had had over the years as to whether to reveal her secret to Kid Chino and let the truth come out. _

_And so it went on, Seth had created a comic strip of everything that Julie had tried to explain with words, but the anger and disappointment of those affected by her actions had not allowed her words to penetrate them or hold any real sincerity for them. Marissa was squeezing Ryan's hand so hard as they watched that he had to peel her fingers away with his other hand just to start his circulation again. The last slide was a replica of the scene that had played out in Julie's hallway when Kaitlin had returned. _

_The Black Widow was collapsed on the floor crying inconsolably, and her young little boy wanted to know why everyone was so mad at her, and her declaration that she had done some bad things, but she was going to make it right._

_When the lights came on, there was still a stunned silence and very few dry eyes. Marissa was holding on to Ryan and Kaitlin so tightly and the tears were streaming down the Cooper girls' faces. Even Ryan had felt the lump in his throat. As they all adjusted to the lights being on and thought about challenging Seth's reasoning for showing such a thing, a figure appeared in the doorway._

_She was dressed simply in jeans and a sweater with her hair pulled back in a pony tail. Any attempt that had been made to cover the dark circles under her eyes with make up had long since been washed away with the next flood of tears the remnants of which still evident in her eyes. The sight of her mother exposed and vulnerable as she had never seen her before was enough for Kaitlin to get up off the couch and hug Julie tightly. She had yet to still fully comprehend Julie's reasons, but Kaitlin knew that Julie was hurting and suffering for what she'd done and this was her way of trying to make things right again._

_When Julie broke from the hug with Kaitlin her eyes searched the room for acceptance from all in attendance. She received nods from Kirsten, Sandy, and Summer, and exchanged a nod and smile of deep appreciation with Seth. She did not get any eye contact from Ryan or Marissa who both still sat on the couch, holding hands, looking down at the floor. Julie moved to stand in front of them and knelt down._

"_I'm sorry" she whispered in front of them._

_Ryan squeezed Marissa's hand and wiped his eyes with the thumb and forefinger of his other hand, pinching the bridge of his nose as he finished._

"_What makes you think that's going to cut it?" he said coldly and quietly._

"_Nothing makes me think anything I say or do now could possibly move you to forgive me, either of you" her voice cracked with emotion as she spoke. "I just want you to know, that I know what I did was wrong and stupid on the most gigantic scale imaginable, but at the time it seemed logical to me. I wasn't thinking about the future or how anyone's lives would be affected by the decisions I was making. I just wanted to make your pain go away" she reached to touch Marissa's hand. Marissa flinched as she touched it but did not pull away._

"_I know I did make your pain go away for a while, and I saw Ryan was with Taylor so as many times as I thought I should tell everyone the truth, I thought it would only make things worse again. I know this last week or so hasn't exactly been a picnic, but we can all heal and move on. I don't expect you to forgive me immediately, or ever. All I'm asking for is the chance to be a part of your life again. Both your lives." She reached for Ryan's hand who quickly pulled his away._

"_Mom" Marissa started through a cascade of tears. "I can't even begin to put into words the emotions I have gone through over the last week and half. What I can tell you is that I've spent too much time over the last few years lamenting the fact that I really had no family. Now I do, and I don't want to lose that again. I want to do a lot more talking, but I'm willing to try."_

"_Oh, honey, thank you" Julie's tears began flowing freely again as she turned to Ryan._

"_I'm sorry, I can't" he began after a long silence. "I will support Marissa in whatever she wants to do, but I just…there's too much. It's not only about not telling Marissa, or not telling me. There's my lost summer, there's Volchok and Mexico, my dad, Jamie. I need time." He got up to leave but he was stopped by Sandy._

"_Oh no you don't." Sandy said sternly._

"_Sandy, not now, please" Ryan pleaded trying to get past him._

"_Ryan, I get it, I do. You're mad at Julie for…well everything. You're mad at me for what you see at betraying you, but all any of it is about is caring about you, loving you, wanting you to heal. And you are not going to do that by going back to the days of Ryan Atwood brooding by himself. You are going to talk and you are going to listen and things are going to be fine." Sandy pulled Ryan into a tight hug. It took a few moments, but Ryan responded by hugging back and resting his head on Sandy's shoulder._

_From that night, it had been a slow process, but wounds had slowly started to heal. Ryan and Julie had been able to work together while working through their personal issues and had even landed two more extremely lucrative contracts. Marissa had spent as much time with Julie as she could and they had become friends again, just like they were when she was just 'Aunt Julie'. Ryan's road to healing with Julie on the personal front was slower, but they were working on it. The scene in the hospital waiting room was proof of that._

Seth contemplated Ryan and Marissa as he came to the end of the line of people waiting to hear his news. He'd never seen them so happy and normal in all the time they were together in high school and it was under the most abnormal circumstances. He watched Marissa as she laughed with Julie as she was hugging Ryan's arm as she leaned against him. She seemed different somehow and he thought he knew what it was.

"Hey" he said jolting everyone from their individual conversations.

"How's Summer"

"What is it?"

"Is it healthy?"

"Do you have a name?"

The questions came fast and furious and he wasn't even sure who was asking which question. He moved to stand in front of them and smiled the broadest smile.

"I would like to announce the arrival of Robert Sanford Cohen. He weighs whopping 9lbs 4oz. Despite that, Summer is doing fine, although don't mention any more children when you see her for at least the next oh….ten years" he chuckled. The group gathered to hug him one at a time. Marissa was the last one he hugged and he whispered in her ear.

"Have you told Ryan yet?" Marissa looked at Seth surprised, but knew that he knew her secret. She shook her head and kissed Seth on the cheek.

"Congratulations" she whispered.


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: This is the last chapter so please don't ask me to update soon. I leave the rest up to your imaginations. Please review. It's been a slice**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The bank owns my house and my car.**

**Chapter 34**

Ryan and Marissa had a quiet ride home from the hospital after visiting with Summer, Seth and baby Robert. They each seemed to be lost in their own little world of thought. In truth, each of them had a great deal on their mind on the way home, and so nothing was said. The last three months had been an incredible whirlwind of emotion and activity for them. They had both agreed that they were going to resolve any issues outstanding from their past as quickly as they could so they could start fresh and have nothing hanging over them.

The first thing Marissa wanted resolved was Volchok. He was serving time in prison for vehicular homicide, attempted manslaughter, reckless driving and reckless endangerment. The plea agreement that Sandy had negotiated at the time had allowed for the sentences on all charges to run concurrently, the longest being fifteen years for vehicular homicide. Although Sandy loved teaching, he still loved being back in the arena of 'real law' as he called it. It had taken a few phone calls and some incredibly fast talking to keep Julie from being prosecuted for anything, but finally he had achieved the result the he, Ryan and Marissa had all felt was the fairest and best way for everyone to move on.

Volchok would be released unconditionally after ten years, unconditionally. He would not have probation or parole and would never be told that Marissa was alive or where Ryan was. His punishment would be appropriate for the crimes he had ACTUALLY committed.

The second, and most important thing they had figured out was their own relationship. They had a long conversation during their drive back from Newport that first weekend that started during their driving tour before they actually left their old home town.

"_So his is Harbor." Ryan said as they got out of the car at their old high school campus. The buildings were closed for the summer, but they walked around the large courtyard and sat down on the steps where there senior year photo was taken._

"_It all looks familiar, but I'm not sure I could find my way around." Marissa said placing her hand on Ryan's knee. Ryan laced his fingers with hers and gazed into her eyes._

"_You know, the day we had the class picture taken, you had only just got back into Harbor that week, and we were still struggling with the whole Johnny thing, or at least I was. I felt like we were drifting apart, but I felt paralyzed by my own emotions. I could never seem to get the words in my brain out of my mouth. It's been a major feature in my 'what if' reflections all these years. What if I'd opened up? Would you Johnny have even felt it worth his while going after you if he knew we were solid? Would Johnny not have been up on that cliff? Would we not have broken up? Would Volchok have even been a factor in our lives? Would you then not have agreed to go to Greece, so we wouldn't have been on that road and Volchok wouldn't have been after us?" He paused for a moment._

"_Wow, you've been torturing yourself over this haven't you?" Marissa squeezed his hand and rested her head on his shoulder. "Well, I want you to know, that I think we're solid now. We've talked more about EVERYTHING in these last few days than we probably did in the entire time we dated back in high school. I think that's a pretty good start, and I feel closer to you than I have felt to anyone in a very long time. I feel like I would be empty if you weren't around. I'm actually kind of dreading going back to Frisco. I don't want this to end."_

"_It doesn't have to, and I don't want it to either. In fact, I think you should move in with me and Nate as soon as we get back." Ryan let go of Marissa's hand and turned to face her. "I don't want to be going back and forth between each other's houses trying to steal moments to be together. It's not like we don't know each other, or we're not sure what we want. I think we both want the same thing in the end, right?" Ryan's eyes connected with hers and pleaded his case._

"_Is that a proposal, Mr. Atwood?" Marissa grinned._

"_Kind of" Ryan chuckled. "You'll get the full moonlight, roses and diamonds some other time, but why waste any more time? I love you, and I want to marry you, I've wanted to marry you since I was seventeen years old, I just didn't recognize it as that back then."_

"_I love you too, and I would love to move in with you. You don't think it's too soon…after you and Taylor, I mean. Don't you want some guy time or something?" she giggled._

_Ryan kissed her nose. "I want you and Nate in my house. I don't like it empty, and it's just that much better with you in it."_

"_Well ok then." Marissa leaned forward into a tender kiss._

When they got back to San Francisco matters were complicated a little by Kaitlin being in town and Nate's guardianship case. Marissa wanted to spend time getting to know her sister again, and Ryan needed to focus on Nate and what he needed. They had tried rather awkwardly to spend some time together alone during the first week, but either Kaitlin was at Marissa's or Nate was at Ryan's and it made things difficult.

Then both issues had seemingly resolved themselves although neither Ryan nor Marissa felt like celebrating. Ryan's guardianship petition had been refused, Nate's mother passed away, and although Kaitlin and Marissa were enjoying getting to know each other again, they were still sisters, and living in the same house was a definite cause of tension between them.

It had taken another week after Nate moved in with Kirsten and Sandy before Marissa had decided she was ready to make the move. She decided not to put her house up for sale immediately as Kaitlin had decided to stay for the rest of the summer. It had then taken another week of trips back and forth after Ryan came home from work to bring all the stuff she wanted and have it put away or displayed in various rooms of the house. Ryan loved having her in the house, and loved the way she had made it very much THEIR house in a very short period. Taylor had done very little to the house when she moved in so it had remained more like a bachelor pad than a home. With Marissa's touches here and there, you instantly felt that a couple lived there, each with very unique, but totally complimentary tastes.

Since then, they had settled into a life of domestic bliss. Ryan had been very busy with work, but it had all paid off with more lucrative contracts coming in to ATCO. Life was good, business was good and for the first time in years, he was completely happy.

Seth had joked that he wasn't sure that it really was Marissa who had come back because Ryan smiled way too much and whistled when they hung out. The Ryan he knew had only whistled when he dated normal girls, like Sadie or Lindsay. The last comment had earned him double smacks on the head from both Summer and Marissa one weekend when they were hanging out at Seth and Summer's house.

Everything seemed to be going really well, too well. Three weeks before Summer had gone into labor, Marissa had become ill. It seemed like it was some sort of stomach flu, but it wasn't going away. She began losing weight and was extremely fatigued. After two weeks of watching Marissa virtually wasting away, and sleeping the days and nights away, Ryan had insisted she see a doctor. The doctor, having been informed of Marissa's medical history and recent stresses in her life, was concerned that Marissa was suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and had launched a barrage of tests to confirm his suspicions.

Marissa had been called back to see the doctor to receive her test results the morning Summer went into labor. She hadn't thought much about it since she had begun to feel a little better and she seemed to be gaining some weight back.

"_Marissa, I'm glad you were able to come and see me. We have a lot to discuss and I need to refer you on to a specialist." _

"_Specialist? Please just tell me what's wrong. Is it serious?" Marissa was panicked. She was finally happy and now she was going to die of some obscure disease before she could marry Ryan, or he before he even got the nerve to propose to her properly again! Her mind raced a million miles a minute as the doctor droned away with his calming tone, and in the middle of it gave his diagnosis that Marissa almost missed in her fantasy world of deadly diseases and Ryan's apparent commitment phobia…again._

"_What did you say?" she stopped suddenly. "There must be some mistake."_

"_No mistake. I want to see you again in two weeks, and we'll get your other appointments set up for you."_

"_Uh, thank you." Marissa rose slowly and shook the doctor's hand. She needed to talk to Ryan as soon as possible. As she dug for her phone in her purse, it rang. Speak of the devil, there he was._

"_Hey you" she said quietly._

"_Hey you. How did it go with the doctor?" he asked._

"_Umm, fine I guess. I have to make some other appointments and stuff. Can we talk about it tonight?" Marissa did not want to have this conversation on the phone. She was interrupted from saying anything further by her call waiting going off. "Hold on, babe, Summer's on the other line."_

"_Sum? What's up?"_

"_Coop!! I'm in labor and we're heading to the hospital. I need you there."_

"_Oh my god…er ok, I've got Ryan on the other line. I'll tell him and I'm on way. Remember breathe, Sum, breathe! I'll see you soon." She pushed the button to reconnect with Ryan._

"_Hey, um Summer's in labor, so I'm headed to the hospital to be with her."_

"_I know" answered Ryan "While you were gone, Seth called me. I told him I'd be there as soon as I could. Why don't you go home and have Kirsten pick you up and take you to the hospital so we don't have two cars there."_

"_Ok, I love you. I'll see you soon."_

"_I love you too, and we will talk tonight, I'm worried about you." Ryan added._

"_Don't be. I'll be fine." Marissa hung up and called Kirsten to make arrangements to be picked up at home._

_Ryan hung up with an ominous feeling about what was wrong with Marissa. An overwhelming sense of dread filled him. What if there was something really wrong? He hadn't given her the moonlight and roses proposal he promised. Would there even be time for them to get married? The thought of losing Marissa again terrified him and he was determined that if the worst happened, they would be married before it did. He was going to make plans for this evening after they got home from the hospital. Before Marissa could give him the bad news, he was going to make it an evening she would never forget._

Marissa was extremely tired in the car on the way back and lazily dozed as she thought about telling Ryan her news. She would wait until they were home with no distractions, and went over in her head exactly how she was going to break it to him. She played out the different reactions in her head and finally settled on a plan.

Ryan watched her dozing beside him as he drove home wondering if all the arrangements he had made that afternoon had been carried out properly. He hoped it wasn't too late and Marissa was too tired to appreciate the effort. Who knew babies could take that long to be born?

As he pulled into the driveway, Marissa woke and they lazily made their way into the house in silence. As Marissa opened the door her mouth fell open at the sight before her. The soft lighting from the kitchen cast into the hallway and foyer and revealed a trail of red rose petals leading into the kitchen. She turned to stare at Ryan speechless. He smiled and indicated to her to follow the trail.

The petals led through the hall into the kitchen and out through the French doors to the patio by the pool. The patio table was set for two with candles. A single red rose lay across one of the plates. White lights were strung around the patio giving a soft glow to the area. In the middle of the sting was a large white disk lit with soft cream light. Marissa turned to Ryan again with questioning eyes.

"I had to guarantee the moon would be here" he smiled and led her to the place where the single rose was laid. He pulled out her chair and gestured for her to sit down. Once Marissa was seated he went back into the kitchen to check the oven. It was on low and inside was exactly what he expected. He was going to have to give the cleaning lady a lot extra this week. She had come through big time!! In the oven were two plates with metal covers on them. He removed them from the oven and checked under one and found what he had asked for. He took a small velvet box out of his pocket and placed it on the plate and covered it again.

"Ryan?" Marissa called from outside.

"Coming…" he answered as he carried a tray with the two plates out to the patio. He placed Marissa's in front of her and then placed his. Marissa started to lift the cover off her plate. "WAIT!" Ryan yelled a little louder than he had intended to and it made her jump.

"I mean…er…sorry…there's something I want to say to you first before we eat. I promised you moonlight and roses, so I think you know what's coming, but I'm gonna do it right." Marissa smiled as she wiped a tear that had inadvertently escaped from her eye.

"Marissa, you may have noticed that I've gotten a lot better at telling you how I feel" he began "but I still don't feel that I could possibly find the right words, or enough words, to tell you exactly what you mean to me. I am amazed every day when I wake up next to you that you are actually there. Ever since the first time I woke up spooning you in that sleazy TJ motel, it's felt right, and I don't want to ever imagine not waking up beside you again. In you I know I have truly found my soul mate. I really believe there is a reason that we have always found our way back to each other no matter what or who got in the way. I don't want to have to find my way back to you ever again. I want you to always be right here with me. I love you." Ryan removed the lid from his plate and indicated Marissa to do the same. Seeing what was on her plate, Marissa laughed and cried at the same time.

"Grilled cheese sandwiches, Ryan? How cheesy is that? Pardon the pun" she giggled again wiping tears away.

Ryan got up and knelt down in front of her taking the velvet box off her plate as he did so. He opened the box to reveal a two carat square cut sapphire set on a platinum band with eight tiny diamonds arranged in a square around it.

"Marissa Cooper, will you do me the incredible honor of becoming my wife?"

Marissa could not contain the tears any longer and could not get any words out. She simply nodded. Ryan got up off his knee and leaned in to kiss her with all the love and tenderness he was feeling at that moment.

"I love you so much" Marissa finally managed to whisper as they pulled apart. Ryan removed the ring from the box and placed it on her finger. "Ryan it's beautiful"

"Yeah well, the sapphire is for your eyes and the diamonds are for the eight years it took for us to find each other again." He kissed the ring and her fingers. "Are you ready to eat the fabulous meal I had prepared now?"

"Actually, I'm not really hungry. Could we just go sit in the swing and cuddle for a bit?" she added taking his hand and leading him to the love seat swing they had in the corner of the garden.

"Sure. Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, I'm just not hungry after all this excitement."

After they had settled into the swing with Marissa leaning on the left side of Ryan's chest and his left arm around her shoulder, they enjoyed a few moments of silence. Ryan wanted to now ask her about her doctor's appointment again, but wasn't sure how to bring it up now. He opted instead to get a time frame in mind.

"So, when would you like the wedding to be?" he asked casually.

"Well, I guess that will all depend." Marissa answered cryptically. Now would be the perfect time to tell him.

"Depend on what?"

"It will depend on whether or not you want Jimmy to show up with a shot gun" she was smirking and loved teasing him.

"Shot gun? I'm confused." Ryan looked down at her puzzled.

"Ok, let me ask you a question before I really answer yours."

"Um…ok"

"Do you still want to give a child the kind of life you never had?"

"Yes, of course I do, but what's that got to do with…" Marissa cut him off.

"Can it be any child, or are there specific parameters?" she was loving teasing him and he was making it so easy.

"Er…no, but we tried this already with Nate and they wouldn't let me. Do you think they would reconsider again so soon?"

"Ugh, Ryan!!! I can't believe how dense you can be sometimes!" She sat up smiling.

"What?" he was thoroughly confused.

Marissa sighed. "Ok, let me lead you down the garden path. Why do fathers show up at weddings with shot guns? Let me help you…when their daughters HAVE to get married." Ryan still stared blankly, but the wheels were turning.

"Ok…final clue, and if you don't get it, the engagement's off" she joked. "There is only one way that you could ever give another child the life you never had when you were young without having to get a rubber stamp from the authorities and that is by…" her eyes beckoned him to finish her sentence.

"By…" everything clicked in an instant. Ryan took a second to process the information and finished "by having a child of my own? Does that mean you are? That you can? That we are? That everything is ok?" he turned to face Marissa his eyes wide with excitement.

"Yes, I am, we are. The doctor said that he thinks I'm about 8 or 9 weeks along, but he wants me to see a couple of specialists because of the accident and the damage. He said I would likely have a high risk pregnancy throughout but if I really take things easy, I should be able to carry to term."

"Oh, I love you!!! I was so worried I was going to lose you. I thought there was something seriously wrong with you. I can't believe this is happening. I told you, if we kept practicing and testing the theory it would work!" he laughed. "Ah, shot gun wedding…I get it…haha…very funny." He pulled her in for a kiss as he rubbed his hand on her belly and leaned down to talk to the life growing inside his beautiful fiancée.

"Hey Baby Atwood. I can't tell you how happy I am that you're there. Your mom and I are going to take the best care of you starting from right now. Just don't give your mom a hard time for the next few months 'cos I don't like to see her not feeling well."

Marissa smiled as Ryan spoke and stroked his hair.

"Well, honey, I guess you're going to get to pay it forward after all." She said lovingly.

They swung together silently for a while enjoying their closeness. Each knew that things were now as they were always meant to be. They were Ryan and Marissa and they were solid.

The End


	35. Epilogue I

A/N: So I finally got around to writing the epilogue

**A/N: So I finally got around to writing the epilogue. It's turned out to be a bit longer than I intended, so it will be in two parts. Hope you enjoy and review!!**

**Epilogue I**

"Ryan! Ryan!! RYYYYAAANNNNNNN!! It's time!!" Marissa screamed as she held her stomach. The contractions had started an hour or so before and she had been timing them. Now seven minutes apart it was definitely time.

"Ok, I'm here." Ryan panted as he came in from the back yard. He was followed closely behind by his very own Mini-Me, and the form of a three year old boy.

"Daddy, what's wrong with Mommy?" the little one asked worriedly.

"Buddy, it's time for me to take Mommy to the hospital to have the baby, just like we talked about." Ryan comforted the three-year old then swung into action as he maneuvered his wife to the stairs where she could rest until he was ready.

"Ok, you remember the breathing. Just sit there while I get us organized, ok?" he kissed his wife's forehead as she nodded.

"AMY ELIZABETH!! He screamed as loud as he could.

Marissa's Mini-Me in the form of a tall, slim teenage girl emerged from one of the rooms upstairs.

"What? Where's the fire?" Amy answered with all the typical attitude of a thirteen year old girl.

"Uh….Mom's in labor" Ryan replied intoning with his own bit of teenage attitude. "Time to put the plan in motion."

"Oh, sorry" Amy said quietly. "Ok, you get Mom to the car, I'll bring her bag out. Then I'll call everyone on the list and get Uncle Seth to pick me and Brooklyn up." She looked over the railing at her mother. "You ok, mom?"

Marissa waved a thumbs up over her head as she breathed through a contraction and Ryan helped her to her feet.

"Ready to do this again?" he whispered to her as he led her carefully to the car. Marissa smiled and nodded.

The car ride to the hospital was quiet and relatively calm. Marissa breathed easily through her contractions now about four minutes apart. This was her third labor and a piece of cake she told herself. Ryan held his wife's hand and thought about how beautiful she looked when she was pregnant. Not that she wasn't beautiful all the time, but pregnant, she glowed.

Now forty years old, the only indication of her age was a few laugh lines around her eyes, but Marissa had still been stressed and depressed at the though of turning the big 4-0. Ryan had decided to surprise her with a romantic week in Hawaii for the two of them. He arranged for Amy and Brooklyn to stay with Seth and Summer (what was two more when they already had three now?!), and they had spend the week completely rapt in each other.

Marissa had commented that for the amount of time they spent in their room making love, it would have been cheaper to spend the week in a hotel in Frisco. Ryan argued that the scenery had set the mood and most likely contributed to Marissa's present condition.

Each one of their children was a miracle given Marissa's medical history and the two of them had always joked that Amy was conceived by the sheer volume of sex they had in those first few months. Although they had never used birth control of any kind, it was not until the weekend they spent in New York for their tenth wedding anniversary that they conceived again, and Brooklyn was the result.

Ryan chuckled to himself as he recalled how each of his children had been conceived.

"What's so funny?" Marissa asked, hearing him chuckle.

"I was just thinking that perhaps I should get a vasectomy." He looked at her with a completely straight face.

"O…k, kind of a random thought at this particular moment, but I'll bite…explain." Her lips curled into a smile as she panted through another contraction.

"Well, you're still hot, I'm still horny as ever, and we still have some significant birthdays and anniversaries to get through before you REALLY can't have any more kids, and after this" he looked down at the largest belly she'd ever had during a pregnancy "I think we're really done." He smiled his cheeky smile as he glanced sideways at her.

Marissa rolled her eyes and started laughing, but her expression changed quickly.

"Oh my god, Ryan…my water just broke. You'd better hurry or I'll ruin the leather." She was now panting through her mouth consistently.

Ryan laughed as he pulled into the hospital. "It's ok, we're here. Only you would worry about something like ruining the leather seats at a time like this…ok, maybe Summer too, but relax, it will come clean." He kissed her hand and pulled up outside the Labor and Delivery entrance.

Ryan was relieved to see two nurses waiting with a wheelchair and said a silent prayer of thanks first for his oldest child who was smart and mature beyond her years and had obviously completed the first phone call on her list, and secondly for ATCO being the largest and most successful architectural and interior design company in Northern California. It allowed him to afford the very best in private health care for his family.

Once inside, Ryan made sure Marissa was comfortable. After her examination, they had been told that despite the closeness of the contractions she was still only four centimeters dilated and there was still some time for an epidural and likely a few more hours of labor. Assured that he was not needed immediately, and that Marissa was in the best possible hands, he stepped outside to check his phone messages and sneak a cigarette.

Although outwardly calm and acting like this whole childbirth thing was now old hat to him, inwardly, just like the previous two times, he was a wreck and scared for his wife's health. This time there was an added stress that had forced him back to his secret habit of more than twenty years.

Ryan looked at his phone. Five messages. Even before he checked he knew who they were. He smiled and became reflective of this perfect life he had built as he listened to the messages.

"Chino. Amy called and Seth's gone to get her and Brooklyn. I'm leaving in five to come to the hospital. Seth will bring all the kids when we call and tell him it's close….so, I'll see you soon or maybe even before you get this….anyway…bye….oh and you owe Robbie money since he's babysitting Angelica and Zeke until Seth gets home….ok….tell Coop to breathe….bye.

Summer. She always made him smile. Anyone who could keep Seth's ego in check like that made him smile. Only Summer and Kirsten could accomplish that, especially since he'd got his own Siskel and Ebert type movie review show. He represented the Chronicle and Adam Krebbs represented the Sentinel. Cohen and Krebbs aired weekly on the local Fox affiliate which made him a celebrity about town. Summer was the epitome of the together mom, successfully balancing egocentric husband, three kids, and a career, all with a killer sense of humor and a heart of gold that would do anything for her family.

Family…wow…Ryan paused after listening to her message to reflect further. He and Summer had both been sorely lacking on the family front, but not anymore. At a quick count, not including any Atwoods from his previous life, he had three parents, three brothers, one sister, two sisters-in-law, one almost sister-in-law, two children, two nephews and one niece. A dinner for immediate family only at the Cohens' now numbered sixteen and there were more to come!

He moved onto the next message knowing it would be another member of his family.

"Hey sweetie. Amy called. She sounds so grown up. It's Saturday so naturally Sandy is on the golf course. I left him a message to come home as quickly as he can. It should only be another hour or so. If you get this and you want me there sooner just call. I called Sophie and she's going to let Jamie know so they can make their plans to come home. Give Marissa my love. I'll see you soon."

Kirsten. She was more of a mother to him than Dawn could ever hoped to have become. Unwavering support and unconditional love from both her and Sandy had made him the man, husband and father he was today. He loved watching them enjoy the retirement that they had earned and so richly deserved, and that gave them the time to be as devoted grandparents as they were parents.

Ryan took a long, satisfying drag from his cigarette and moved on to the next message.

"Ryan. Amy called. I'm on my way. I know you and Marissa said that we should all wait to come to the hospital until you said so and Amy reminded me of that, but I can't. So I'll see you soon, and please tell Amy to stop calling me Grandma, it makes me feel old! I called Kaiti in New York. She's getting a flight home tomorrow. I told her to use some of ATCO's FlexJet hours. Jamie called me after Sophie called him, they're driving back from UCLA today and they'll be here late tonight…and don't think I don't know you'll be checking these message while smoking cigarette outside the hospital. Give my girl a kiss and I'll see you soon."

Julie. Finally, the mother Marissa wanted and needed. Friend, confidante, nurturer. It was a joy to watch their relationship now. She was still extraordinarily beautiful and fit for a woman approaching sixty, and she hated to be reminded that she was a grandmother. Although she had hated it when Caleb had called her JuJu, she liked hearing her grandchildren say it. After all, the most sought after and influential interior designer in the state of California couldn't possibly be a grandmother, right?

Ryan smiled as he tossed his cigarette. Julie was the only one who officially knew his secret, although he suspected Marissa did too, but just never said anything.

He played the next message:

"Ry. Amy called. Guess you're doing this again, huh? I'm gonna hang out at home with Christina until someone calls to say it's a done deal. She's really not ready to experience all the realities of labor and childbirth yet, we've still got a six months to go (chuckle). Good luck, man. Call me when you're ready for us."

Nate. Now there was a guy who was paying it forward, saving the world one troubled teen at a time at the youth center that Ryan built, Marissa administrated mostly from home, and he ran like a well oiled machine. It was located in his old neighborhood, and had a variety of sports and social groups that kept the kids off the streets. They also had a very successful work placement program. One day about four years ago, he'd just about collapsed with jellied knees when Christina walked into the center in search of a job. Having served a short prison sentence for a relatively minor drug offense, she had cleaned herself up and was ready to contribute to the community she grew up in, in a positive way. It took very little time for Nate and Christina to rekindle the relationship they had when they were much younger. Now approaching their thirtieth birthdays, they were engaged and expecting their first child. Yet another one for the Cohen clan.

Uncle Nate who could hand the kids back once he'd wound them up beyond belief was going to have a very rude awakening in six short months, though Ryan as he moved on to the last message.

"Ryan. Obviously you know that Amy called us because you told her to. I'm on my way to get her and Brooklyn now. I guess our Seth/Ryan time today is cancelled…we'll have to reschedule for some time in the next three years 'cos that's the only time you're gonna have (laugh). I'm looking forward to meeting the latest Atwood since you guys have been so secretive about the sex of this one. I bet Summer it was a girl, but she says it's definitely a boy since Marissa's even bigger than she was with Brooklyn and not carrying a little ball like she did with Amy…so I guess I'll see you later and don't let Summer get too bossy. Later."

Seth. Where to begin with Seth. More of a brother and friend than he could ever have wished to have. Even now they were graying, middle-aged men, they still had Seth/Ryan time in front of the PlayStation whenever they could, although Robbie, at fourteen had taken to logging his own time with Uncle Ryan now since it was no fun beating his dad anymore. Seth was very much a Sandy Cohen type father, easy-going, but firm when necessary and able to talk to his fourteen year old son with the ease Sandy had spoken to him. Eleven year old Angelica was something else and a mystery that Seth suspected he would never solve. After all he was sixteen before he really had any experience of any kind with the opposite sex. At seven, Ezekiel, or Zeke as they called him, was still young enough to be a Mommy's boy, but Seth had faith he would come around to in a few years. Seth had never let his work or his celebrity interfere with his family life and had sworn never to miss a single soccer game or ballet class and had so far kept his word. How could he be anything but a perfect father with a role model like Sandy?

Ryan closed his phone and smiled to himself as he went back into his wife. The reception he got was quite unexpected.

"Mr. Atwood, I'm glad you're back. Your wife had been given the epidural and a further examination has been done by Dr. Miller. Her dilation is advancing rapidly and she's almost ready to push, but the doctor is concerned about her elevated blood pressure. He may decide to perform an emergency Caesarian section if he feels your wife's health or the baby's is at risk."

Ryan nodded in a state of shock and entered Marissa's room.


	36. Epilogue II

A/N: Ok this is really the end now…I really have nothing more to wrap up after this

**A/N: Ok this is really the end now…I really have nothing more to wrap up after this. I hope you have all enjoyed my little tale. Reviews are always nice, and were really disappointing on the first Epilogue (1 review for 200 hits...hmmm) and they may inspire me to write a completely new story!! Enjoy.**

**Epilogue 2**

"Ryan" Marissa sighed with all the relief she could muster.

"I'm right here, baby. I love you and everything is gonna be fine." Ryan comforted as he went to her bedside and held her hand. He would make her believe it, even if he wasn't sure at this moment. The thought of anything happening to Marissa terrified him.

A nurse walked into the room and checked all the tubes and monitors that had been hooked up to Marissa and then turned to Ryan.

"Mr. Atwood, there's someone outside to see you. She's being quite insistent that she be allowed in here. What should I tell her?"

"Oh, it's ok. It's my sister-in-law. Please send her in, my wife will want her here." Ryan smiled gratefully at the nurse as she left and Summer entered right after.

"Atwood, what the hell is going on? They wouldn't tell me anything about Marissa or let me right in, like I thought we had arranged. Is everything ok?" Summer eyed Marissa and all the tubes hooked up. Before Ryan could answer, Marissa spoke up.

"Summ, it's ok. All this is just for the epidural, the saline drip and the baby heart monitor. My blood pressure is a bit high and I'm dilating quicker than they had expected, but I'm fine. The good news is the epidural has kicked in and I only know I'm having a contraction if I look at the baby heart monitor print out." She smiled and squeezed Ryan's hand.

"Ok Coop, you look pretty comfortable for a woman about to give birth" Summer laughed and reached for Marissa's other hand. "So, what can I do for you?"

"Um, actually, my mouth is pretty dry. Could you get me a cup of ice chips?"

"I'm on it." Summer gave Marissa's hand another squeeze and turned to leave the room.

Once Summer was gone, turned to look at Ryan with a most serious expression.

"Ryan, if things start to get out of control here, you remember what we talked about right?"

Ryan nodded and spoke in barely a whisper.

"I know, 'Riss, but it was more you talking and me disagreeing. We have two beautiful children already. I am not willing to sacrifice you for any more. Please, think of Amy and Brooklyn too. I really think we should just go for the C-section and not wait to take any chances. It will be much safer all round." He leaned in to kiss her forehead as she nodded in conciliation and wiped a tear from her cheek.

At that moment Summer returned with a cup of ice chips and a spoon.

"Uh, sorry, am I interrupting?" she handed the cup to Marissa.

"Thanks. No, Summ, we're good." Marissa replied as she spooned a mouthful of ice chips. "But I do have something to tell you and another job for you."

"Anything sweetie, that's why I'm here." Summer squeezed Marissa's hand again and Ryan smiled at the two of them as he left to speak to the doctor.

Marissa explained to Summer that she was going to have a Caesarian section and her reasons and then asked Summer to start making the phone calls to summon the family to the hospital. Summer left the room and Ryan returned.

"Ok. Dr. Miller is relieved at our decision and thinks the C-section is the better option given…everything. They'll be in to start getting you ready and I can be there for the whole thing."

"I love you" she said as a team of nurses came in to prepare Marissa for surgery.

Ryan mouthed the same sentiments back to her and stepped away to let the medical team go to work.

Nearly two hours later, Ryan finally walked into the family waiting area. He had not had the opportunity to let anyone know anything and had asked the staff not to say anything to the family until he was ready. As a result, he was virtually mobbed by all except Kirsten who had Brooklyn sleeping on her lap. Ryan walked over to her and lifted his son up and squeezed him tight. Amy moved towards her father and the three of them shared a tender embrace. As he pulled away, he looked at his daughter and seemed to convey a message with eyes. Amy had picked up her mother's ability to understand these silent communications. She smiled at her father and began to cry. Ryan had yet to say anything. It was Summer who spoke up first.

"Ryan, is everything ok? Coop, is she….? I mean did she…….? She's not….would you just tell everyone already!!"

Ryan stood with Brooklyn resting on his shoulder surveying the room filled with anyone of any importance to him. The only ones missing were Kaitlin, Sophie and Jamie whose geographical locations were not in sync with the unpredictability of childbirth.

"Hey, everyone" he finally began "I'm really sorry that you all had to wait so long. Marissa is doing fine. She's been resting and is anxious to see you all. We've made special arrangements for you all to come in together."

"Oh thank god" interrupted Julie "and the baby, what about the baby, what is it? Lord knows I tried to get Marissa to tell me what you were having. I know you guys knew!"

"Well, that's why we arranged for you all to come in together so we can introduce you to the latest addition to the Atwoods." Ryan took Amy's hand and led the crowd through to Marissa's room as they all exchanged quizzical looks. One by one they filed in and went to Marissa to give her a kiss or hug. Ryan directed Amy to one side of her mother while he went with Brooklyn to the other side and perched himself on the bed next to her.

Seth took a survey of the room and spoke what everyone else was obviously thinking.

"Hey Ryan, uh, I'm pretty sure we're here to see a baby and I'm not seeing one. You're killing me man. I've got a bet with my wife that involves more than money if you get my drift."

"Ew, Cohen, too much sharing" Summer giggled.

"Yeah, way too much information, Dad" Robbie added.

"Ok, I know" Ryan smiled and as if on cue a nurse came in wheeling a bassinet with a pink card on the front and a pink blanket covering the tiny form inside. "May I introduce you to Kayleigh Marissa Atwood." He beamed as the 'aws' resounded through the room. The nurse picked up the little bundle and placed her in her mother's arms.

"Yes!! A girl!!" shouted Seth. "I win"

"Not so fast, Seth" cautioned Ryan as another nurse wheeled in a second bassinet with a blue card on the front and a little bundle in a blue blanket. Jaws dropped and the smiles of pure joy filled the room.

"You should also meet Cooper Ryan Atwood" Marissa said as the nurse placed the other bundle in her free arm. The new family of six were all smiles (at least the ones that were more than an hour or so old) as the other family members offered their congratulations.

As the chatter continued, Sandy approached Ryan. "You dog, you" he said in his thickest Bronx accent as he put his arm around Ryan. "How long have you guys known?"

"Oh, since the first ultra sound at seven weeks" Ryan grinned cheekily. "We told Amy when Marissa was about six months, so she understood why it was so important that she help as much as she could with Brooklyn. I'm so impressed that she didn't tell anybody. I know it killed Marissa too, but she was determined not to jinx anything in the early stages, and then we decided why not surprise you all."

"Well, you did that, kid. You did that and you did good." Sandy pulled Ryan into a warm embrace.

As Ryan made his way around all of the family gathered receiving hugs and kisses and handshakes of congratulations, finally making his way back to his wife's side, he couldn't help but think that he had finally paid his good fortune forward. He had beaten all the odds and hit all the curve balls that life had dealt him out of the park. He leaned over and whispered in Marissa's ear the words he had once been so afraid to say and now carried a lifetime of meaning.

"I love you, more than life itself. You are my soul. Thank you for my life."

**The End.**


End file.
